Last year my sister added me to this FB group for people who have/had narcissistic parents. I eventually left the group because I didn’t feel like it was helping me at all. In fact it shocked me. We had a happy childhood and well into adulthood it was pretty good. My dad’s narcissism didn’t become apparent to us kids until my parents separated and eventually divorced. There were only things looking back where I can see how he allowed his narcissism to affect his parenting.
Being in the FB group and seeing the serious trauma a narcissist can have on their kids, made me feel like a fraud in the group. All of us kids are in therapy. We often joke about how we’re all in therapy but the one person who should be won’t go. But after my parents divorce I caused myself so much emotional harm because of the way I let my dad control our relationship. It took a long time for me see that I had to take control and establish boundaries. Sometimes my sisters and I get worried because we know we have narcissistic tendencies. The episode of The Red Table Talk for a second made me sad when the doctor said “narcissist never get better”. But then I know I’m not a true narcissist since I’m aware of my tendencies and actively work to change my behavior and know it’s unhealthy. It’s so weird when I talk about it, because I don’t see my dad as a bad person or even “abusive” because I realized he really doesn’t know any other way. Plus I love him. He basically “love bombed” us our entire lives and used that to control us. Then once he took that away from us after the divorce. We were left feeling empty. We’re a lot better now emotionally and mentally. But the scars are there, it makes me sad because I know I can never have the same type of relationship I had with my dad when I was younger. But it’s made us siblings closer and I’m really happy about that. My sisters are my best friends. My advice for anyone with a narcissist for a parent is “boundaries!” Keeping consistent boundaries and holding yourself and them to them is important. Because you’ll naturally want to take the boundaries down because that’s your “mommy” or “daddy”; and unless they were truly awful, like some of the stories I saw in that FB group, you still very much love them.
Thanks for letting me unpack that
Hope y’all had a great break
Iman
BrooklynShoeBabe - 4 years ago
My ex-boyfriend. We broke up in June after nearly four years together. When I confided in my brother the situation that lead to my ex discarding me, my brother figuratively took me by the shoulders, told me not to cry and said "you were in an abusive relationship with a narcissist." Now that I'm exploring in therapy how I ended up in this relationship and joining a support group for victims of narcissistic abuse, I realize all the red flags I ignored or forgave out of a duty of love or because he was hurt as I child. The recovery is hard because who wants to admit that they stayed in a toxic relationship. Even my daughters, 12 & 14, saw how I was in this terrible relationship. I feel guilty because I feel I let my daughters down. I'm ranting but thank you for once again bringing this up.
Bruh,
Just put your reading list on the website.
Last year my sister added me to this FB group for people who have/had narcissistic parents. I eventually left the group because I didn’t feel like it was helping me at all. In fact it shocked me. We had a happy childhood and well into adulthood it was pretty good. My dad’s narcissism didn’t become apparent to us kids until my parents separated and eventually divorced. There were only things looking back where I can see how he allowed his narcissism to affect his parenting.
Being in the FB group and seeing the serious trauma a narcissist can have on their kids, made me feel like a fraud in the group. All of us kids are in therapy. We often joke about how we’re all in therapy but the one person who should be won’t go. But after my parents divorce I caused myself so much emotional harm because of the way I let my dad control our relationship. It took a long time for me see that I had to take control and establish boundaries. Sometimes my sisters and I get worried because we know we have narcissistic tendencies. The episode of The Red Table Talk for a second made me sad when the doctor said “narcissist never get better”. But then I know I’m not a true narcissist since I’m aware of my tendencies and actively work to change my behavior and know it’s unhealthy. It’s so weird when I talk about it, because I don’t see my dad as a bad person or even “abusive” because I realized he really doesn’t know any other way. Plus I love him. He basically “love bombed” us our entire lives and used that to control us. Then once he took that away from us after the divorce. We were left feeling empty. We’re a lot better now emotionally and mentally. But the scars are there, it makes me sad because I know I can never have the same type of relationship I had with my dad when I was younger. But it’s made us siblings closer and I’m really happy about that. My sisters are my best friends. My advice for anyone with a narcissist for a parent is “boundaries!” Keeping consistent boundaries and holding yourself and them to them is important. Because you’ll naturally want to take the boundaries down because that’s your “mommy” or “daddy”; and unless they were truly awful, like some of the stories I saw in that FB group, you still very much love them.
Thanks for letting me unpack that
Hope y’all had a great break
Iman
My ex-boyfriend. We broke up in June after nearly four years together. When I confided in my brother the situation that lead to my ex discarding me, my brother figuratively took me by the shoulders, told me not to cry and said "you were in an abusive relationship with a narcissist." Now that I'm exploring in therapy how I ended up in this relationship and joining a support group for victims of narcissistic abuse, I realize all the red flags I ignored or forgave out of a duty of love or because he was hurt as I child. The recovery is hard because who wants to admit that they stayed in a toxic relationship. Even my daughters, 12 & 14, saw how I was in this terrible relationship. I feel guilty because I feel I let my daughters down. I'm ranting but thank you for once again bringing this up.