In the prologue - in the very third paragraph! - I got turned off by the use of italics and exclamation point. The observation warranted neither, and makes me think the rest of the book will also try to artificially tell me which parts are noteworthy.
In the chapter, the sentence fragment served no purpose and took me out of the story - rereading to see if I had missed something.
A reluctant no for me as well. I was mildly intrigued to begin with as the writing is fine and the voice is strong enough, but I was left feeling confused. There were simply too many jumps in setting and POV.
Perhaps it would be different if I'd been able to read the entire submission, but I guess that's not the point of this site.