Would you turn Stu's page? Be tough. Share insights with a comment.

1 Comment

  • John V - 15 years ago

    I liked the first sentence.

    The next paragraph was too wordy. Replace "rode in a single file of silent shadows gliding" with "were silent shadows gliding." "Ungainly" and "inelegant" are telling me the same thing, as are "occasionally" and "brief." I understand and like the mood you're trying to set, but less description would be more effective.

    Then the two hyenas are a mismatch to six harbingers of death, and the tension created with the first line is lost.

    So, no, I didn't turn the page.

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