I am so excited about Ana coming back. I told her I'd be in the office late since I was up until 5:00 am and never made it in here until after noon. Sooooooo, I instructed her to come to my place directly from the airport...call me when she reaches there.....and she must be completely stripped down and in that certain position on top of the sheets of my bed. Take a guess what I am going to do to her first... ;)
------------------ - 13 years ago
LOL! I promise you that J will not kill me or even lay a finger on me. He is non-violent and pacifistic in nature...and he never even raises his voice! He does not have suicide tendencies at all! There would be apparent signs of depression and I would take notice. It would be obvious to me; and keep in mind when you read these accounts of these wicked men who go on a jealous rampage...or commit murder/suicide, what-have-you......there are always signs and there are always people who knew something was "off" or "odd" or some "quiet fury" etc. It is the dumb bystanders or the ignorant parents in denial who never know what's going on or never take notice. This weekend was the first time I saw him do anything that was even remotely exhibiting a lack of control and that was when he flung his carry on bag against my wall in the LR when I was being aloof and disinterest in regard to his little tryst. Even then, he tossed it like a girl, LOL! It was better than a slap which I would have received from him if he were female. These men who do these heinous things have underlying, low simmering mental health issues. J is very normal and very mentally healthy. Trust this. He did NOT utter something in the neighborhood of "If I can't have you nobody will" etc. And how I wrote it does not convey how he said it or it's context. What he said was this: "I will not let you go, not now, not ever" and it was in response to me telling him that I am not the right dude for him, and despite what he did...which was dishonest...he still deserves better and if he lets me go...he can find that person to make him fulfilled and truly happy. Someone who is worthy of him. This is what I told him. Then I told him if he let me go it may be the best thing for him. Hence, his response. The comment Naomi made about his being obsessed is a bit true. I hate to admit it as it seems arrogant on my part...but he is really very much in love with me to a completely infatuated level. I meet all of his criteria: very smart, highly educated, bisexual, the breed he likes (1/2 Asian or 1/2-Asian-looking), tall, slender, insatiable sexual appetite, good lover (his words), fiercely independent, challenging... I do not, at all, think it is at a clinical obsession level by any means. He is just all-consumed by his love. That's him. That is how he is made. I have experienced this phenomena with women as well. I think a lot of it is the fact that I am not the pursuer in relationships...I am a flirt...but mostly I am the one being pursued. This is not to sound vain..it is just the truth, not my opinion. This is how it is for me with both mend and women. I think it is because I am very sexual and expressive during intimacy and my partners happen to love that. It is not my sparkling personality or my muscular build that wins them over...trust me!
Another thing to remember...Naomi and Ana are good friends. She loves Ana and would like to see us both together so her opinion runs the risk of being a bit tainted.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi babe, .. It is no surprise at all to me that she loves you. I could see it coming a hundred miles away. I can't blame her nor do I dislike her because of it. You are lovable plain and simple and she is making you happy and giving you the good loving and care that I wish I was giving to you. I know she is sweet, kind and loving so give her an extra hug and kiss for me. I love her for loving you and taking good care of you.
When J tells you he won't let you go, it kind of scares me. But he would let you go if it came to that wouldn't he? I mean obsessive love can turn violent and scary, just like in the case of O.J. Simpson. Just like Naomi is picking up, sometimes his behavior seems so desperate and very very much obsessive about you. Please be aware of any warning signs popping up if he gets any worse than he already is, because it feels to me like he is on the edge of losing control. There are numerous stories of obsessed people killing the person they are losing and then killing their own self. You know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure you think right now there is no danger of that, but I am starting to get an uneasy feeling that if you did break off completely with him, something horrible may happen, .. could be he would kill himself if not you with him. I'm sure you think I am 'out there' again, and I hope that is true, but nevertheless honey, just keep a close eye on his behavior. Even the smartest, brightest and kindest of people have ended up doing shocking violent things.
Okay, I'm getting lots of tweets this morning from my girl. She told me she is still writing and working on that narrative she wants to give me, but it's taking awhile because she has to stop and cum every now and then! hahahaha It's definitely another fantasy she is having about me! haha She really is so sweet and makes me laugh. Ohhhh, and she gets me all hot and bothered too. My little friend is getting quite the workout.
------------------- - 13 years ago
J left already. Of course we had to talk about this issue, ad naseum, or he was not going to give me a moment's peace. I told him that he is human and flawed like the rest of us and that these things happen and to move on. He told me "they do not happen to me and not when I am so in love with someone else." He was a blubbering and overly apologetic, and still very devastated by his actions. I tried to absolve his guilt, but to no avail. He feels like a failure...that he failed at "us". I told him to stop being so hard on himself...and to stop always trying to be so goddamn perfect. I think what bothers him most is that he now realizes that he really doesn't have the leverage anymore to question me, to accuse me to insinuate that I may be screwing another dude..or hiding a tryst. Because he did it first. He also realizes that I am the trustworthy one and that he has no ammunition to even request that I not see other dudes, certainly not women...I won't be with other dudes because I have no desire to and I choose not to. But, he now knows that he cannot request this of me. I told him that this proves that an exclusive would not work for us right now. He disagrees. He claims that if we were in a committed relationship that this never would have happened...says it is not an excuse...but he feels we are somewhat tenuous and he has given me his heart but it is hanging out there...still partially unclaimed..and it makes him very vulnerable. I told him that, perhaps, I am not the right dude for him then and he needed someone who will give him the security and stability he wants in a relationship ...he told me "I want YOU. Period. Nobody else. I will never want anyone but you to be the partner in my life. I love you beyond measure and I will not let you go, not now, not ever." Having said that he told me that if I do get more serious with Ana (he knows she told me she loved me), he still wants to be with me despite that and told me he will not stand in my way and will take whatever part of me I will give him, same goes if something happens with Elizabeth (though that scenario is exceedingly remote). As I shared with you many times, he is physically awesome looking in every imaginable way and very sexy... and a great and satisfying lover...so for me to break off w/ him and eventually find another dude who pales in comparison (J is also kind, intelligent, good to bro...) would be stupid and self-destructive on my part. And now I can freely and liberally see women if I like (and I do like...) and he won't balk. I will tell you more about the specific info about this kid, 'Roberto' he was with. But i need to get some work done. I am very excited to see Ana this evening. She sent me a sexy message this morning so I know what's in store for me later... ;)
You never commented when I answered your question about Ana professing that she loved me. Do you disapprove?
Storm - 13 years ago
I love you, always will ....... ~~~
Storm - 13 years ago
You need not regret telling me what happened with J. I will never mention it to anyone, and I know he is only human and still a good person. I don't think I really think less of him, but won't set him on quite as high a pedestal. How's that? If he had hurt you, then I would feel differently. I'm glad for this knowledge because I have a better and closer idea now as to what you look like, and I know your looks will slay me and make me all hot for you. Your momma made a hot lookin' babe.
to my little c*** tease. - 13 years ago
btw, I'm teasing you.
To: my lvery own c*** tease - 13 years ago
Or do you mean what is 'south of the border'...ohhhhh, yes... I like that one too. Nasty and hot. :)
Off to slumber....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
Storm - 13 years ago
Huh? Escalator? You lost me! What? hahahaha This girl is posing against a baby grand piano! For real! hahahaha And then she's on the floor showing what is east of Eden! hahahaha
--------------------- - 13 years ago
I am going to bed shortly and then going into work late tomorrow, noonish. J is up as he is on EST, still, so I cannot sleep. He is leaving tomorrow. And yes, I have to change the sheets again before Ana arrives home, and I changed them after she left and before J's arrival ...3rd time in 4 days...LOL! J and I talked a lot and now I wish that I had not told you or anyone else about his tryst. It is a very long story and I will share soon when I have time to type a lot. He is a very nice dude, nothing will change that...he really is and now Naomi hates him and so does Sheila. But I don't even care about the dalliance! He will not be pressuring me anymore or trying to call the shots or continue to say disparaging things about my female aqauintances. We have a new udnerstdning and he adopted a new attitude. I have to gve him credit...he knows he lost any chance at a full commitment (NOT that I was headed that way) and he has backed off. More later on that.
Yes, I stand by my assertion that what you are is certainly is bi-curious. How many lesbian relationships have you had? And with your dating service, you are seeking men...not women. And you had one brief or maybe two licking episodes with women years and years ago...nothing since. C'mon! You are bi-curious, ma dear. After you've been with some women (more than one...and in the last decade) come back and we will reassess. But, just because you look at lesbian porn and pussy tease this women...it means squat to me as far as declaring yourself bisexual, LOL! Yes ...and too bad you never met up with me...because you would have my e-mail (though it is through work so it is monitored and very dangerous to send porn), my cell number, my address and possibly my heart. Too bad for you, ma dear,that you never met with me after my numerous offers...my life situation didn't seem to scare Ana away. I keep forgetting...you don't want to hurt J, the cheater..LOL!
So my favorite picture of her is the one on the escalator. Which is yours? ;)
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. It's pretty obvious then, that J's goal is to turn you off to the women you are with. I'm glad he doesn't actually hate women. Is he leaving tomorrow morning then, and Ana gets back in the evening? Your bed sheets won't even have a chance to get cold ! haha So what's going on with J, and did you enjoy his visit? How many more weeks do you think you will be in London?
Well, whatever I am, I sure like watching lesbian porn and talking sexy and dirty to this lady of mine who is more than happy to talk sexy and dirty back to me, as well as back it all up with nude pictures of herself! :) She is actually wearing black stockings with a black garter belt, and black thigh high shiny patent leather boots and nothing else! Too bad I don't have an email address for you, or I could forward them to you! haha you lose! I also like kissing girls and playing with their bodies. So I'm just bi curious? Okay. Maybe so, maybe not. :)
LOL! - 13 years ago
Hmmmmm....my gut feeling as well as my sensibilities tell me that you are most assuredly bi-curious, but I would never categorize you as bisexual. Not quite yet anyway.
Just sayin'
------------------- - 13 years ago
LOL-I don't believe Ana is bisexual. She has not shared that with me and it never occurred to me to ask...though it would not bother me at all..it would make no difference whatsoever, in fact. I think she would feel quite comfortable confronting me if this were the case. I do not see that French women...or the French women I have known...have a higher case of bisexualtiy..LOL! Wherever did you hear this? J is not misogynistic at all. I think he really quite likes women and has an awesome relationship with his former fiance. She is married now but they are still very close. He tells her everything and she calls him constantly. They are like best friends. Frankly, I feel she never quite got over him after she was devastated at the alter when he could not marry her upon his announcement and realization of his sexual orientation. ...and I feel she is still in love with him. J visits her even and stays at their house...with her husband! LOL! She is stunningly gorgeous.....Bengali/English mix. I have only seen pictures., but wow! ..and J has some allegiance toward her...a connection. I think he loves her very much...perhaps not romantically...but he adores her nonetheless. He is very insulting only to woman with whom I am involved and that pisses me off. I never hear him say disparaging things about women unless s it is someone I am with or a women who shows interest in me. He called Tara a c*** a few times; said that Bea was "attractive enough" but looked "her age" Upon seeing Elizabeth's photograph he said "she is very pretty, but I would not say beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, she looks rather gangly and undernoursished" , and he called Ana a bitch and inferred she was my whore because we are involved sexually. He can shove his sexist and jealous comments up his hairy, but firm and awesome looking arse. Never heard him say these thing about other women with whom I am not involved. It is that the women I am with threaten him...not at all because they are women...but because he feels they might take his place and he will be brushed aside.He knows how strong my attractive to women is. They could be dudes and he would say worse, trust me. So, to answer your question, no...I do not feel J hates women...I actually think he rather likes women quite a bit and gets along very well with them. He hires very young and attractive women to work for him. VERY. I have seen them!!!!
Storm - 13 years ago
Oh wow. Your description of both J and Ana as lovers makes me wish I could experience both of them. That is of course, if J wasn't gay, and Ana happened to be bi. Is she? Have you ever asked if women interest her? From what I've heard, a lot of French women are into that. I have a whole lotta French in me from my paternal Grandpa Anton who was full 100% French. Maybe that is where my bi comes from! haha Swedish women, I wonder how many of them are bi or lesbian? Any idea? Speaking of bi, I have gotten several tweets already from her today, expressing how sweet she thinks I am, and that she loves and misses me. Knowing of course that J is completely gay, does he now kind of hate women? Are you picking up a real attitude and dislike from him that he kind of hates women? Just curious because his remarks have not been so kind, yet he was engaged to that one.
Storm - 13 years ago
I forgot to tell you that I have a date this next weekend for dinner and a movie with a guy named Dennis that I met on the date hookup site. He lives way opposite side of town in a community called Los Lunas which is more country like than Albuquerque. Rio Rancho is pretty country like still as well, which I love. Dennis is Hispanic and his looks are very average and do nothing for me at all, but he is the first guy to offer up dinner and a movie when others only want to meet for a cup of coffee, so he just scored points with me for being willing to spend a little money on me sight unseen, when others are so cheap and wary. He tells me he has a good feeling about me. I wrote back and told him I am very easy going and find humor in almost everything, so be prepared to laugh. For me, this is kind of a test run to see how I do on my dating skills because I haven't done this in a long time. He's my test guinea pig! haha I want to see how I come off. I plan to joke and it keep the atmosphere light, and it should go well as long as he doesn't get too touchy feely and expect sex afterwords because that won't happen. No kiss afterwords either. Maybe a very light hug and pat on the back with a big and sincere " thank you for a lovely evening", that is unless he blows it and comes on too strong. Then I'll make a hurried exit and get the hell out of Dodge!
----------------------- - 13 years ago
Yes, she has told me she loves me and more than once. I have not reciprocated the sentiment. She tells me she understands that what we have is not heading toward love, but she is compelled to share her feelings with me nonetheless. And I liked hearing it. I like that she is accepting of me and not wanting to change me like J (J does not say he wants to change me and I do believe he loves me as I am...but I know he would like me to be different in so many ways). I like that she freely admits this without seeking some type of reassurance from me. I know Damn well that it is, mostly, because of the stage of our relationship and that there is a good chance she would change and expect me to commit eventually and return the sentiment. But I love this stage where everything is new and not fractured or frustrated.
I cannot answer who is a better lover. I cannot even answer who I enjoy making love to more. I know J and his body so well and he is a very adept and masterful lover. He is rugged and physical with his technique which is how I like it with a man. He knows how to perform that act I love on me and is VERY skillful at that. He can be sensual...but I tend to like it vigorous and rougher with him and that is a huge turn on for me. I cannot complain about our sex life one iota. Ana is more subdued ...probably because of her gender...but very wiling to please me and she is slower and more gentle with her gyrations which is arousing too...and more tender; and I love her body...touching her tits and sucking her nipples makes me very aroused. With J...he does these things to simply please me and that he does...very erotic. With Ana...when I do things to please her , play with her body, it almost makes me come again right there and then along with her...even without penetration or direct stimulation....just her reaction does it. They are both very different. But today I am missing her most and wanting to touch her. She is newer to me than J and we are at that awesome, fantastical, infatuated stage.
Lots to report about J. Later as I am busy with work stuff now. He is beating himself up about this fuck up.
Storm - 13 years ago
M., .. Who do you enjoy most when it comes to the lovemaking, Ana or J? Which one fulfills you the most? Just curious.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. I like hearing whatever you're thinking about so don't worry about what you say, okay? I grew up with parents who were full of compassion, kindness, and thoughtfulness. Those are generally the given trademarks of small town people. My dad would never pass up stranded people on the roadside. He kept tools in the family car and I remember a number of times of all of us waiting in the car while he helped fix a vehicle problem for a stranger, and he would always pick up a hitchhiker even with all of us in the car. The goodness came back to him big time when he had a heart attack and was laying in the hospital. It was harvest time and his friends and town people harvested our crops without being asked at the expense of their own farm equipment, gas expense, delivered the grain into the elevator storage bins and then handed my dad the grain tickets. That is making me tear up. One day delay on getting the crops in could mean they get destroyed by a hail storm so what they did for us is beyond word expression. My mom would cook up meals for people and friends who were sick, or who just lost a loved one. Being kind and compassionate is what I was taught pretty much every day of my life. More times than I like to think about, .. it has come back to bite me in the ass. I wasn't aware that it attracts the needy, the losers, and the takers. I've learned the hard way. I'm a little wiser now but still not immune to attracting all of the above. If I was with you, it wouldn't have even been necessary to tell me all those things you like because I would have been doing that for you automatically. Kevin never hinted or ever asked me to run a bath for him or to bathe him, massage him or cook for him. I was always thinking one step ahead of what would make him feel good or what he needed. That is second nature and common sense to me as well as a desire in my heart to show love to those I care about.
Has Ana said "I love you" yet? She will if she hasn't already. How are things with J ? What happened when he made it back to your place?
--------------------- - 13 years ago
I should have mentioned that I believe Ana is this type of woman as well. When she asked me what I liked sexually I told her (I am not shy about my desires) and then added my other desires: I sheepishly told her I would love for her to bathe me and wash me and pamper me, massage my feet, wash my hair, cook for me, rub me down...I was waiting for an 'eye roll' or a laugh, or for her to take umbrage at the mere suggestion....but she only said "I would love to take care of you like this, it would be my pleasure darling". Ooohhh baby!! She also likes to try to please me sexually even before I attempt to please her. I feel like a neanderthal admitting that I like this...it turns me on. Okay...I don't know why I even bother telling this to you at all! I guess it takes my mind off my other issues. Miss Ana a lot.
------------------------ - 13 years ago
I think you attract those who are very in need of...or desire nurturing types. This woman might need the love and affection via sex of a warm, caring nurturing type. I know all of the woman I have been very attracted to or have loved have not necessarily been the most beautiful (not to assume that you fall into that category, ma dear, as I am sure you are quite appealing to the eye), but more of the nurturing, emotionally mindful and (for lack of a better word) mothering types. I was raised by a very nurturing and strong mother and we always had a solid relationship...still do. So for me it is not that I am seeking a mother figure...I guess I just like that type of woman, so I can see others also being attracted to nurturers. Both Bea and Elizabeth were big time nurturers and I even remember an old gf from years past about whom I was quite smitten was also of this ilk. So, I believe this woman with the grandiose accounts of her lifestyle is really just looking for a little love.
I don't believe Leukemia alone can render a man impotent, per se. But Chemo is a powerful drug and can certainly render a man sterile and a woman infertile. Though I don't believe fertility is a concern for him. Chemo takes a toll on your body as well as your bodily and system functions. It makes you tired, ill..it kills the bad cancer cells but along with that, kills some healthy ones as well. I think by "love life" he may not necessarily mean 'sex life'. He may fear that being ill, tired, convalescing...a woman may choose not to be romantically involved with him. That's my take.I find this sad if he feels this way. Poor dude. There are many kinds of blood cancers, leukemia...and I want to prepare you that there is one from that middle-aged-to-elderly people acquire and it is quite deadly and incurable. I am not saying he has this type or you need ask him, just be prepared. But, sick or not...this man deserves love too, yes? We cannot be scared of taking a chance because someone may die. What does this say about us as a human race? About compassion? Sorry for the unsolicited opinion.
Storm - 13 years ago
Oh boy! Nothing has changed, I just got this tweet from her which I am copying and pasting here, and I have to admit it made me smile:
Twitter
No matter HOW.busy I.am, know that you are ALWAYS on mind,.and.that I love you INSANELY!
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M, .. He is EXTREMELY insecure with your relationship and you are dead on that everything he has been saying and doing lately, even the party happenings on New Years Eve, are all geared towards trying to get you to declare your undying love and loyalty back to him. He is dying for you to tell him that you love him and no others. He was hoping you would be jealous as hell that he was with another and probably shocked at your lack of caring about his little tryst. He will now be worried about your feelings for Ana, and of course you didn't respond the way he wanted you to when he put her down. You were suppose to agree with him, and then he would feel rest assured that nothing emotional or affectionate was developing that would threaten his place in your heart and life. I think Naomi has a point that he is obsessed with you, and reflecting back to the very beginning when he re-entered your life, look at the extremes he went to, .. to be with you, flying clear across the country just to spend a day or two with you. This obsession has been there all along, and I'm flashing back now to what Sheila once said about how you will have a hard time getting him to ever move out. I fear his insecurities are only going to grow and he will get even worse at trying to dominate all your time and manipulate you so you can't be with others. This isn't looking good and I think he is going to smother you and try to force your affection out of you. Fasten your seat belt, you may be in for a bumpy ride! LOL
I get exactly what you were telling me in the beginning, and you're right, now that I think of it, that can't possibly be the right guy. I've only heard from my gf one time so far today so she must be extremely busy, either that or she is realizing that she has told me too much about herself and is now backing off some, because the last few days she was leaving me tweets through out the day, so it seems unusual now that there has been only one. Frankly, it would be a bit of a relief if this ends or dies down to just an occasional response from her. I looked at it as just a sexual verbal escapade, and if she showed up here, yes I would meet her and maybe do a fun little thing with her, and like and love her as I do my other friends, but any thought of an actual romance, yikes! That is new territory that sends a shiver up my spine. I honestly don't know if I am cut out for that one, and I think that is what she wants.
Good news! I heard back from Tony a little while ago, and it was really sweet, and he gave me his cell number and said this will be a two way street with communication. He also said he is worried what this disease is going to do to his love life. Do you know if leukemia can render a guy incapable of having sex? It would not stop me from loving him and wanting to spend my life with him, even if he couldn't, but I know the thought of that happening would probably be more devastating to him than to me. It is the emotional, mental, and spiritual bond that is most important to me.
Well, I'm sure that was J back at your door, and I hope whatever is going down won't be an emotionally draining roller coaster ride for you, and that you can work things out with him. My love and good thoughts are with you ...... ~~~
---------------- - 13 years ago
So I guess when J asked: "Do you care if I see him again?" it wasn't actually a question asking whether I would grant permission for him to see this other dude, but more asking me if it would bother me if he saw him again. He WANTS it to bother me! I think he WANTS me to be pissed about this sexual episode ( 3 times in a row...J's magic number) to show that I care...LOL...isn't that crazy?? Naomi thinks he is obsessed with me and it scares her. She thinks he will fight tooth and nail to manipulate me into staying with him at all cost. Not sure I agree with that. No spell check...sorry...door bell again...UGH!!!!
------------------- - 13 years ago
Your reluctance to not reveal this woman's twitter concerns me if you think there are other eyes reading here now. That scares me. I was so tired and depressed and wrote some things last night re: my speculations about J's dalliance that I regret as I know I must have had the wrong dude. Okay? Let's just say I was too hasty in assuming he was the one with J. Do you understand this? What I am telling you?
Weeeeelllll...our little talk did not go so well and now J is pissed off and went for a "walk"...LOL! Brings back memories. My parents fought now and then and when we lived in London dad would always pause and then quietly announce, as mom when she was bitching him out, that he was going or a little walk. He'd come back 3 hours later usually smelling of liquor, LOL! Poor guy...never heard him raise his voice, ever. Mom only raised her voice at him when they fought..which was not often.
J told me what I knew...the same way bro told me. He left out the salacious details. He was crying. I felt badly for him and told him it was "fine, cool...all is forgiven." He insisted on telling me the details to make himself feel better...and kept asking me to ask him questions and he will reveal all. I told him I did not care and I had no questions and to forget about it. He didn't like that. This was our conversation in a nutshell:
J: Do you want to know why I did it ?
me: "no"
J: Do you want to know what we did together?
me: no.
J: Did this hurt you?
me: no
J: Do you still trust me
me: Sure, I guess.
J: Do you care if I see him again
me: not really, just be honest about it.
At that point, he picked up his carry on bag and flung it across my living room, got up, told me he was going for a walk and then left. What the fuck? I think I let him off easy. He should be happy...not pissed. Prior to this episode he was asking me about Ana saying he was glad she was keeping me company here and then said "I hope she is being a good little whore for you". That made me a bit angry. I told him to temper his comments or keep his fucking mouth shut. He said : "Damn it , Michael...I was kidding don't tell me you have feelings for her. Are you in fucking love with this bitch"? That sent me fuming. I told him not to refer to her as a "bitch" and that I did, indeed, having feelings for her. I told him "You know I'm not gay and you can't change that...all of the money in the world and the slick moves and the shrewd maneuvering won't change that fact." Then he told me he was in love with me more than he has ever been with anyone and that he refuses to let me go, he said "It's not gonna happen, babe". Then we went on to the question/answer portion of the conversation above. I am a little pissed now because I am really busy this weekend and he is throwing all of his emotional garbage at me. I cannot deal. I need to work and then I really need to sleep. I hope eh is pissed enough to stay at a hotel.
Sorry to report this crap. I told Naomi too (she is very disappointed in J) and I told Sheila who is supporting me...and they both really like J too. Gotta run and get some work done.
I hope Tony is okay health-wise and he gets in touch soon. He sounds like a good dude. Maybe don't mention your bi stuff to him just yet in case he is a bit old fashioned. Just a suggestion. I really wish Ana was here. She could give me a bath and massage. That would be awesome right now........
Storm - 13 years ago
You have the right kid. The proof : He looks just like you! It's the environmental mushroom thing J has talked about, right? One way you can really get proof positive, .. don''t say anything to J, just run the mushroom clip loud enough for J to hear it playing on your computer! I bet he will turn pale as a ghost! Your insight into J and his motives and his ways and behavior is extremely spot on, keen and sharp. I'm relieved there is no need for me to say anything because you see it exactly as it is and I am glad for that. From there, you do whatever it is you need and want in your life, especially if it's working for you. When that ceases, then you will know it's time to make a change.
Tony is straight and has his profile up for people to see. He won't create any buzz. I don't know if this girl is out of the closet or not and she runs a high profile company. I just want to be sure I do her no harm. I still don't know her company name or even her real name yet, and she has my email so knows my last name but not my first name. She likes to call me Boo or Storm. I call her various pet names. She contacted me first privately on twitter and it began from there. We hit it off as soon as we confessed we were both bi, and the sex talk began immediately fast, furious and deliciously appetizing! LOL Then she sent seven very provocative nude photos of herself, and I haven't stopped thinking about sex ever since! :) I look at her photos on my email at least half a dozen times a day and then go say hello to my little friend if Jamie isn't around. :) Do you still remember my twitter name? The avatar picture looks just like me only my hair is lighter looking now, more blondish/brownish. If you open an account then follow me and put a little picture of yourself up and I'll follow you back. Any weirdos show up, you can delete and block them. I really enjoy twitter and finding new people to follow and there are many twitter sites that follow news reports and leave briefs or a quick comment about a topic, and I really enjoy the comical and humorous comments. I think I have 203 people following me now.
I assume that was J at your door, so you are probably getting some good lovin' as I'm typing this. Enjoy, .. wish I could watch and maybe partake! Love ya.
-------------------------- - 13 years ago
It sounds like this relationship with this female is more fantasy than anything else. Harmless I suppose. But why did you print Tony's info here and not hers? I don't get it. I might open up a twitter just to look her up and read yours too. I had one a long while ago...but began getting really weird messages from people. Then they began looking me up at work and it got scary and ugly. But, anyway...I might go back on at some point.
I rather disagree that I have to let J confess. Why? So he feels better? I am the one who was betrayed, not him. I think he realizes that he had this abject mistrust of me...and I am really the one who is trustworthy...not him! This bothers him. He cannot call the shots now. But, I forgive him and as I said, I am not at all jealous. I mean...I knew about it when I was home for Christmas and New Years and we had frequent and amazing sex...so it doesn't affect me in that sense. Mistakes happen. I forgive him. He brought me to the work party to prove that we were solid, to himself...and to me. He thought that would make me stay with him in case this episode of his caused me to stray as well...and Naomi is correct..it is a form of control. He is calculating and methodical and rarely is he impulsive. He knows how to get what he wants and how to prevail. He is smart and can plan and estimate a situation in order to achieve his goal. Rarely does J slip up. But he is damn good looking and the best lover I've ever had so maybe we both deserve each other. If I leave him I won't find someone who looks like him who loves like him and who is so devoted to bro. I feel trapped a bit...he has successfully fostered my dependency.
This is probably the wrong kid..I only searched by what little info I had. So let's assume for arguments sake that this "Alex" is not really who J was with and I am totally off-base. I never should have expressed my opinion and my faulty detective work here on this public board which you feel is unsafe as I am very wrong about it being him. I was so tired. Okay? Sory to drag you into my depression. I really am.
Guess who is here now ringing my bell......
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M, .. You sound much better, even though you still have much on your mind. It may be your 'look' that first attracted J to you, but he truly thinks he is in deep love with you and he will profess that to you as long as you are together, and there is no doubt it is sincere. I am sure you have the right guy, Alex. I think J is going to confess to you this weekend whether you like it or not. I don't think he can carry this burden and guilt any longer, so why not let him talk so you two can air any problems you are starting to have with each other. You are so use to having someone around you now, that I'm not sure you can handle being alone. The stillness can be deafening, so maybe it is good he will be there to keep you company.
Follow your heart when it comes to Elizabeth. When you get back home, pursue this and ask J to do what he can to get you info on her. Sure, he won't want to, but he will if you insist. Try hard to find out whether she is still married before you send your letter. If she is still married, then perhaps you should keep your letter brief, apologize, keep it as J suggested, down to two or three lines. On the other hand, if you find out she is separated or divorced, then pour your heart and feelings out to her and go get your lady! :) You've suffered long enough, honey. You need answers and you need closure. Don't let J or anyone or anything stand in your way. Okay amigo? J is scared to death and will continue to discourage you, .. well that is his problem. Choose the fate that is right for you.
My gf told me yesterday that she is writing out something for me to read and it will take awhile. Besides talking privately on twitter, we go to Yahoo messenger to talk privately when we have more to say to each other. She had left me a little fantasy scenario where she envisioned her and I walking along the shoreline in front of her beachfront home in our string bikinis hand in hand and we stop and kiss each other. There were other details she put in the story. So I'm guessing that whatever she is writing out must be another fantasy thing. Maybe this time we will be stranded on a deserted island with just a can of whipped cream and a jar of maraschino cherries!
I sent Tony a message day before yesterday, and it is showing that my message is still unread. I sure hope it isn't because he is in the hospital or having chemo treatments, which I believe he may still be undergoing. I was talking to a friend that watched her brother in law go through it and what it does to a person. I feel so sad for him. I wish you could see how good looking and athletic he is in his picture. I think you would have the hots for him, and I was mesmerized the minute I laid eyes on him. He had mentioned that his body is going through changes, so I imagine he is dropping weight. Wish I could cook for him and take care of him. Maybe someday I will and I would love that.
I hope you have a good day babe. All my love, ... Storm
----------------- - 13 years ago
Sorry to blather on and on. How is your kinky gf? Maybe she can fly her jet to meet you and then you two can enjoy some in-air entertainment.
Ana gone until Monday evening. Wished she had not left me. But such is life. I am so busy at work anyway......I am going to be off line soon. Ana left me her computer which was nice....but I have to focus over the next weeks or I'll never get out of here. Unfortunately, J insisted on coming here today. Not up for the 'talk'. Told him I was busy and have no time for anything but work. He said"that's okay...I just want to be closer to you".
------------------- - 13 years ago
I apologize. I was feeling very depressed yesterday and last evening. I wished that I had never mentioned the entire thing about J and this episode. IT isn't because it bothers me...it really doe snot. what bothers me is that if I looked differently...I don't mean better or worse....but had light hair, anglican features...for example..he would not have pursued me. It is strange. Even his last bf who was 1/2 korean resembled me. And then once I began to tell everyone about this issue with J, let it out, it began to bother me.I know he tried to confess and I would not let him...and I know he was let down on his hold on me as he feels he knows that he is one who betrayed.He is scared. Naomi, who has a very kindly and sweet nature, is rip shit at him, LOL! I was surprised at her lack of forgiveness. The way she explains it is..he is controlling me and placed restrictions on me about other men, and then the first chance he has to seduce a young entrepaneur-- who is probably relying on his support for his co---he ceases the opportunity! Okay...I don't know that I agree with that take. She also seems to think he could have done this before only he has to come clean this time because of Daniel. He was basically caught...even f he lied to Daniel and kept claiming he only fell asleep....why was he at his hotel? Why did he go there int he first place? Anyway, that is her take. She feel J knows that he can't get away with it.
I felt very alone with Ana gone, J.... I just didn't miss as much (And it is not because of the issue w/ him cheating)...it is more that I feel like it isn't really me he wants but more of a certain concept of a man, who is fiercely independent, challenging, the elusive pony not able to be corralled...and I have the look he likes. Oh yes, all of his subjects are very slim and tall as well. Do you know how hard it is to find tall Asians or even 1/2 Asisans lol? Maybe that is why he crossed over to include South Americans! I am tall only because my father was very tall. My mother is typically small. Koreans and Japanese tend to be taller than Chinese and Taiwanese. His 1/2 Korean bf was tall and also very similar looking to me (but much better looking) Also...all of this stuff I looked up is really still speculation..I only found it by the company info J provided a while back.I can't say this is the dude for sure. But after talking to bro about the specifics..it seems to fit. So, I was all alone and just feeling depressed and sorry for myself, I suppose.
I may be imagining this too, but I know J--- and he was all supportive about Liz when I first began obsessing about her...and then all of a sudden he stopped. He began to become demanding, wanting me to make these promises to him or lose him. And became unsupportive again when I talked about her. I think he may know something. For example, his company does background checks for new employees and I am sure they pull public records. He could easily at the push of a button find out if Elizabeth is separated or divorced, if she moved, etc. When I was home for Christmas/New Years I said "I should send that letter to Liz" and he replied "are you still on that kick"? I said "yes, I have been on it for a few years". He replied "Well don't send it around the holidays, that is a terrible time, wait until the holidays are over, until you are back here for good. Don't be so selfish". So I agreed. Now I think he wants me to put it off hoping I'll forget about it with my OCD. This is okay...he doesn't want to lose me, I get that. But I wonder if it is because he knows she might want to see me. He also said something that I though was nasty "Michael, let's face it, she is married to a very powerful and rich man...she isn't going to be interested in a mere computer scientist anymore, that train left town." I said "well you are a powerful and rich man and you are interested in a computer scientist" And he shut up. He can be quite the snob. And the only reason he brou
Storm - 13 years ago
I wish I hadn't written one line that I did above and wish I could nix it, but since I can't I would like to clarify what I meant when I said, " it will break my heart etc" I know that if you get back with her, I will lose you and not hear from you anymore, and that thought is painful for me, but it will be worth that sacrifice if I know that you found what you have been searching for.
Storm - 13 years ago
Babe, .. I do love you, and I have for a long time now. I wish you would call me so we could talk at least once over the phone, you could even do it right now because it sounds like you need someone to talk to. I don't ever want to push you away. You aren't planning to leave me are you? Please don't. I was crushed and felt immense pain when you said you would do Tara over me, so I retaliated with what I said, which I never meant for one second either, and it hurt me twice as bad to even say that back to you. I want you more than I ever have and like I've said before and truly meant, I have never rejected you ever, only delayed and until now, I really didn't know it was making you feel despondent. I'm regretting my delays now. I can still come see you. Don't give up on me.
I don't want to fall in love with a woman. She has been telling me very affectionate things and this is brand new territory for me and it's freaking me out. God she is so sweet so I have been saying sweet things back to her because she is already putting a lot of trust in me and opening up so much, and now I am feeling like I am going in a direction that may not be a direction I want to go in. Do you follow me? Honey, I am willing to tell you anything you want to know about her, I just wish it didn't have to be on a public board where someone else may also check her out. If you were to call me, I can tell you much more about her, so please understand that it isn't that I don't trust you, but I'm trying to be careful and protect her identity which I'm willing to share with you, but no one else. Okay?
John Cho is hot and so is this guy. And I know you are very handsome because of how many women are after you on any given day! My God, you have looks and a charisma about you that would make Valentino look geekish, in fact he is geekish looking! LOL I wish I could make love to you right now and then hold you tight through the night. You are more loved than you will ever know. I even love you enough to go knock on Elizabeth's front door and tell her myself how much you love and miss her, and that she needs to come talk to you. You want me to do it? I will, because maybe you're right, .. maybe this feeling you are having that she is calling out to you is real! I believe in this kind of intuitive stuff and you know that, so maybe you should try to find her and see what's there. I will personally talk her into taking you back, and then place her hand in yours, because I want you happy and fulfilled Michael, even if it will break my heart and flood my eyes with tears.
Your pain and sadness is seeping into me and I can feel it. I'm very emotional and crying for and with you right now. Let me help you. I'm here ...........
----------------- - 13 years ago
Maybe you should just tell her that I am someone who you thought you loved, but when push came to shove...you refused to visit me, to meet me and it made me feel despondent. That you pushed me away without even knowing it.
Obviously you do not trust me enough to tell me who she even is on twitter...someone you only just met..... and allow me to check her out when I was only concerned about you. That's okay. I've been screwed before by people who supposedly loved me, so I get your resistance. I am feeling very low. Very sad now. Depressed to the point where I only want to sleep. I don't know why. I am alone which I do not like. I am not angry at J...but I feel his so-called "love' for me is really pretty superficial and romance 'novelesque'. I am a proto-type for him...what he wants to see, to look at.... and maybe challenging enough for him that he keeps hanging on. Is that really love? He thinks so...I am dubious.
Re: the mushroom boy...my chin is less pronounced. But...we could be brothers. I cannot believe I gave you enough info to actually look him up. I was so exhausted having not slept for 2 nights....didn't realize how much I was writing and with such detail. PLEASE do not repeat this on another site. J would be devastated. I told you I was not as hot as John Cho...so now maybe you believe me now. Go to youtube and check out the following: 'BTTR ventures founders Nikhil Arora and Alex Velez on Last call with Carson Daly' This video is where he really resembles me. It is scary to watch knowing J was attracted to him too. It really creeps me to think I am J's proto-type. This was one was scary for me to watch. Like looking at myself 10 years ago.
J is coming to see me this weekend since Ana is gone to Paris. . He insisted. He wants to talk to me. I miss Elizabeth. Why did I hurt her? J knows something about her but he won't tell me.
Well, I wish you luck with this new person who seems to really like you. I want you to know something and that is ...if you never hear for me again...if I am not around that I was very hurt and did not mean that comment I said about Tara that hurt you. Okay?
:)
Storm - 13 years ago
Ahhhh, so that is what you look like! That is totally different than 'the actor'. He has a slight cleft in his kind of squared off chin. Do you have that? And your nose is similar? I really pictured you as more Asian looking than that so I am a bit surprised. While there is a slight Asian look to his eyes, it is mild. Well he is certainly attractive and very handsome to my eyes, so if that is what you look like, then I am definitely attracted to you physically. :)
This gf is 5'7" so one inch taller than me, blond hair, really beautiful blue eyes, tight curvaceous body with perky breasts about the same size as mine, and I'm sure you remember what fruit best describes me! haha She owns a multi million a yr PR firm and has business dealings in LA w/ Hollywood connections, in Vegas, I'm pretty sure she mentioned Dallas, NYC, Miami, and London. I don't think she owns a jet plane, but either rents, or clients pick up the tab, I'm not sure. I'll see what I can find out. She didn't know that girl, so one would assume it wasn't her jet I would think. She was molested severely by her stepfather from 8 yrs old, and is not so fond of men now. She said it is seldom that she can climax with a guy, but almost always does with a woman. That is how it was with that Asian girl I also met on twitter and she went from being bi to total lesbian, and I think this girl is headed that way too. With that Asian girl, I think I talked about you just a little too much and that turned her off . Oh well. I had not mentioned you to this one, but a morning or two back, she left me a message one morning that simply read " Who's Michael? " I have left you many messages on my twitter site in case you are not aware, in my tweets. Don't know if you knew that or if you ever check in, but I have. So she obviously scanned through my tweets going way back possibly. I told her who you are and that we have basically had cyber sex with each other! haha
Then J and Alex had been lovers before he got together with you, right? No wonder he is attracted and in love with you then. He is definitely stuck on a certain look. I really am at a loss for words on this one Michael. I guess it is kinda creepy. It would be even creepier if you and Alex were lovers! Time to get out the freaky flag if that happened! haha I just don't know what to say on this one .....
------------------------------- - 13 years ago
Many typing errors int he past 2 longer posts. Should clarify that the kid leave on the WEST coast...not the East coast. I am sure J wishes he lived on the East coast...LOL!
---------------------- - 13 years ago
Not "dues" but s/b "dudes"
---------------------- - 13 years ago
..."until I have the chance to talk to Michael about it. Please promise me you will give the chance to speak with him". Bro promised...which means nothing. He told me almost immediately when he called me, told Charmaine and told my mother when she called a day or so later...LOL! I was not convinced until I saw J last time he came out to London. I knew he was busy with work...but it was obvious he was troubled. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it as I was dealing with a few other things myself. At one point he nervously said (J is never nervous) "Micheal I really need to speak with you about something serious". I interjected and said "wrong time, dude...you will get a bad reception as I am not in the mood for serious." I knew exactly what he wanted to tell me but was not in the mood. Didn't care that much. I could tell her was very remorseful..and ashamed...and scared. This is the same time that he told me that he was being unfair and that he had no issues with my seeing women as long as it was n the 'up and up' (dude has a bit of a nerve, me thinks). But I think he thought about it and felt that he was unfair to me forcing me to deny who I was. I mean I made it clear to him that I would see women, and if he cannot deal with this I completely understood, and I told him he needed to find a gay dude as I really didn't want to hurt him. He always reluctantly agreed...but this time, he really made it clear that he would rather me be with women so I will be happy as a whole with him and so he could feel he loved me for who I truly am. He also stopped telling me not to fuck dudes...which was a moot point anyway since I had and still have, no intentions of doing so. He was stressed and nervous the whole time...I was avoiding him so as not to discuss it. I still do not want to discuss it. I don't care about it. It is done and over. I promised myself not to speak of it out of deference to J...but you pissed me off so I told you..hen I told Ana. Ana told Naomi who know hates J, apparently, for trying to "control me".
Now back to the Colombian dude. This is the oddest part. He came to meet J at my place. So, bro met him...which leads me to believe none of this was planned. J would never stoop this low as to introduce his 'boy toy' to my own bro. Bro says he was nice and friendly and "looked exactly like you Michael". Bro tells me he told Alex "you look just like my brother" and J was embarrassed. Dude has a type. So, he is Colombian American and you may not be aware, but some Caucasian/Asian mixed race men strikingly resemble South Americans facially. So, I looked the due up out of curiosity (this is something I would NEVER do as I am not curious about such things like you or J, but bro's remark struck my interest). I'll be damned if the dude isn't the spitting image of me, albeit a much younger version. I just googled his first name, UC Berkley (where he and his partner went to business school), mushrooms coffee and Voila' There were copious articles and clips about his company. He looked decent looking until I watched this news clip "grads turn coffee into gourmet mushrooms" from a local ABC news show --and he looked like me 10 years ago! Then I took his first and last name and co name and googled 'images' and almost fell of my seat...there was this one photo under google images where he was receiving an award from his business school and he had on a suit and he was my spitting image (a younger make) . It-was-weird. I wonder what a shrink would say to J about this. Before me, J's last bf was 1/2 japanese 1/2 caucasian...before him, his bf 1/2 Korean 1/2 Caucasian...then his fiance was 1/2 Bengali and 1/2 Caucasian. Who knows who else is out there...but I'll bet those other dues looked like me too. Kinda creepy, don't you think?
--------------------- - 13 years ago
This is a very interesting development with this woman. She does not sound to me like the uninhibited, vulnerable type...but then again...what do I know? Tread cautiously. I am finding her mile high story a bit incredible. Try spending 30 minutes in a tiny cramped plane bathroom eating pussy...even I can't manage that and you know my sex drive. Private jets in the US (with the exception of non-civilian jets such as Airforce 1 and 2) are strictly very limited in size. It is difficult, if not impossible, to have flight attendants man these jets. You cannot stand up...even on the larger Lears.. And how does a 31 year old afford a private jet worth many millions...not to mention the many thousands it costs for fuel alone per flight? Even J flies commercial. Sure there are probably 2 dozen youngins' in the US ala' Mark Zuckerberg (who do not have inherited wealth or the plane is not owned by their parents) who do...but it is exceedingly rare. Apologies if I appear to be a doubting Thomas. Okay...I'd like to know her actual line of work. Why don't you let me know her twitter and I can get a feel for myself. I am being very altruisitc and benevolent here as far as you are concerned and have no mendacious intent. But it is your call if you care to share. I hope she doesn't mind being pussy teased. Sorry to burst your bubble as you seem happy about meeting her. It is only an impression and I could be completely off base.
This incident happened with J a few weeks back and I found out about it from bro...then put 2 & 2 together. J is a very environmentally conscientious dude (well...he drives a polluting sports car and doesn't always try to recycle...but donates a lot of money to environmental and social causes which helps elevate his company's public profile). He told em abou this dude he met before we began dating and he really liked him but only dated him for a short while as he lived on the east coast and he was very young. Anyway...said he was smart, maybe brilliant and gave up a lucrative career in high finance or investment banking on Wall st to start this environmental company with another dude from Business School. The company grows mushrooms in coffee grinds, LOL..kid you not. So I assume, J provided some financial backing to get them started. And he struck up a relationship with this young man...whom he claims is a good dude and I believe he is bi. As I stated, it didn't last long for the aforementioned reasons. Well...fast forward to beginning of December. J tells me that this dude is in town promoting his successful company and calls J..of course...because if he backed him (ha ha--no pun intended) the proper thing to do is to meet up with him and apprise him of the company's status. He told me the dude (Alex) was coming to town and he was going to dinner with him while I was in London. I told him he did not need my clearance and to have a good time. LOL--guess he did! He did not plan on anything happening as he kept asking bro to come along...but bro declined many times as feels uncomfortable in very small group settings with people he does not know at all. J made arrangements for bro's caretaker to come and stay until midnight...which is reasonable if you are having dinner somewhere in NYC. He wanted Daniel to have company. Only he never came home. I found out from bro that he called Charmaine around midnight asking her to remain until the next morning, which she dutifully did (she knows who butters her bread. J is VERY generous to her...more so than I am!). When he showed up at 6:00 am trying to sneak in the next morning...bro woke up..LOL! J nearly shit his pants. Of course bro has no common sense so asked him why he was home so late and where has he been? He claimed he fell asleep at his "friend's" place (which we know was a hotel) and that he was too tired to hail a cab in the cold. Bro continued to grill him and according to bro he said "Daniel, I don't want to hurt Michael can we stop this until I have the ch
Storm - 13 years ago
How did you first learn of what happened ? And how did he meet this Columbian kid?
I've been talking for an hour this morning with my gf. She is truly an amazing lady and I'm liking and growing quite fond of her, and it's strange but we are bonding fast. It's kind of scary because feelings are already being expressed and this is happening at warp speed! It has always been intelligence in another human that seduces me and draws me into someone, and she is extremely intelligent and opening up to me when I know she doesn't do that with other people. I'm talking about her showing her vulnerable side to me that she keeps hidden and instead presents to the world this tough as nails lady. I am feeling this empath thing with her now, and she is a sweet child at heart, and she is desperate for someone to understand her and accept her for all that she is. She is reaching out to me and we're bonding. This is going to be very strange indeed if I end up falling for a woman!! haha Ohhhh, I don't know about this! I need to slow this freight train down!
--------------------- - 13 years ago
Immaculate dream? I'd say I am more of a tainted nightmare, LOL! Yes, seriously. I'll have to listen to it now that I have the title. The lyrics are pretty awesome. It is an indirect, circuitous love song...So, I suppose J feels like he is here for me to surrender to once I come 'undone' and asking me will he be the one I love? Undone as in I am holding back. That's what I see. He sent me another text this morning (this is becoming slightly annoying), and it read: "Immaculate dream: do what you need this weekend. I understand. I love you and I am so pleased that everyone knows it. No pressure from me anymore. I do 'get' you and I respect your sexuality even if you fail to believe this. You ARE my immaculate dream, I love the man that you are and I've been waiting for you my entire life." LOL! Someone is reeeeeeeally feeling guilty. Look--I only told you about this because you had this misdirected allegiance to be true and fair to Jeffery while he was the one who betrayed his self-imposed rules. I was sick and angered at hearing that there was this "commitment" and you could not hurt him while you were cock-teasing me to kingdom come. But, as I said, I am not at all angry with him or even upset or even a tad resentful or jealous. He, at least, has not remained a hypocrite and he has stopped pressuring me about other dudes (which is a moot point as I do not intend to be with other men)or pressured me about commitment and has not asked or commented about Ana. I think he knows that I won't stray with dudes. I WILL toot my own horn here and say that I am honest and I am trustworthy. I won't surprise him. I did not commit to him for the same reason I never commit to anyone and never have: because of my sexuality...this would be unfair. Yet he openly committed to me...when I never requested he do so! LOL! Life sure is funny. He made a mistake and I forgive him, even though he has yet to confess. In fairness to him, I didn't really allow him to confess...I circumvented it. I knew it happened and I knew he felt awful...even heard him crying in another room one night. He is killing himself over this and he need not. He knows he has to tell me and he fears it. He is fairly certain, though not 100%, that I already know. This will not make me run out and fuck another dude...I am not like that. I have no desire for other dudes and that has not changed because of his indiscretion. J prides himself as having a strong resolve and a fair and honest nature. Dude slipped up...it happens. I guess he too, after all, is imperfect. The part that irked me originally (until I witnessed the extreme remorse J exhibited) was that before he strayed, he was so afraid that I might fuck another dude that he had to hear me say it aloud...like he didn't trust me and that bothered me. I told him my word is good. He questioned that and yet HE, not I, is the one who faltered.
I cannot go to Paris for this weekend...Sat, Sun and Mon. I tried but am too busy with work. No, I was not going to meet Ana's parents, LOL! We are not in that realm at all. Her family does not reside in Paris...yes, France... but in Provence. She has a meeting in Paris Mon morn and wanted to spend the weekend there. I told her to stay with me instead and she said "no, you come with me." I want to...but cannot swing it. I really like her. She is very understanding and patient and is not afraid to express her feelings despite the fact that I am leaving here soon. She told me I am worth the potential heartbreak. And she bathes me! I hate to sound trite, but she understands me. I even told her about J yesterday. She never said anything bad about him, only acknowledges that he is human and he should have abided by his own stipulations and commented what roughly translates to "Not much we can do as boys will behave like little boys" Now that is a very European attitude!
Never had sex of any kind on a flight. The bathrooms are too small.
Storm - 13 years ago
Have you ever joined the mile high club? If so, do tell .............. :)
Storm - 13 years ago
DURAN DURAN LYRICS
Come Undone Ringtone Send "Come Undone" Ringtone to your Cell Come Undone Ringtone
"Come Undone"
Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed, with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you
(can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Oh, it'll take a little time,
Might take a little crime
To come undone now
[PRECHORUS]
We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry
[CHORUS]
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone
[repeat]
[Verse 2]
Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
(Can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Lost, in a snow filled sky, we'll make it alright
To come undone now
Storm - 13 years ago
LOL You're gonna love this! My gf has been tweeting me from 35,000 ft above as she is flying on her private jet back to Florida from LA. She said that when the cute female attendant brought her a glass of champagne, she stuck her middle finger in the champagne and put it up to the attendants mouth and she sucked on her finger. Then she told her, " Would you like something better to suck on?" The girl just smiled, so she took her by the hand and led her to the rear bedroom, and she said the girl attacked her before the door was even shut! She said that girl went down on her for over 30 minutes and gave her 4 mind shattering climaxes! LOL Ahhh the good life of the rich and famous! Once upon a time I lived it. Maybe with this girl I could get hired on as her 'attendant' ! :)
Storm - 13 years ago
That is another one of my favorite songs, and I knew it immediately from the very first line! It is by Duran Duran and is called ' Come Undone '. I love that song!
So how did he meet this Columbian guy? I thought he liked Asians. Is Daniel the one that knew of this? Surely J didn't do this guy in your own bed did he? I really am still in disbelief at this whole thing. Yes, please tell me what happened. I'm sorry Michael, I should have showed you more compassion. Also, I feel bad for Ana. I'm thinking it sounds like she did suffer a miscarriage as well. That was a close call indeed, and maybe why I felt so nervous for you and even had a queasy stomach for a few days. I am telling you I have empath feelings at times with certain people. I had it with my mom all the time too. She was always amazed at the timing of my phone calls home or how I knew she was down, or when my dad had a heart attack and I had a gut feeling that I needed to call home. Okay, enough of my metaphysical stuff. :) I have that somewhat with you but I know you'll never believe me.
So are you really feeling and doing okay? Is your visit to Paris to meet her family?
------------------ - 13 years ago
the song continues but I didn't print all of the lyrics. Gosh, I'm stumped. It doesn't seem, lyrically, as lame as many of the other songs J posts and likes. He texted me asking if I listened to our song. He said "Please listen to it. And you know I love you, always, even of you decide to leave me"
Dude must feel pretty guilty. I feel bad for him.
------------------ - 13 years ago
Wow ...that is awesome. I am very happy that you are putting yourself out there. I hope when one of these people want to take the next step to meet you--assuming that they are normal--that you go for it. The lesbian sounds hot. Does she like dudes even a little teeny-tiny bit? You know what you are going to have to do if you date a lesbian...right? Well, I can give you plenty of pointers...I love doing this, as you know and I have never had any complaints ;) .....oh, quite the contrary. The only bit (tiny bit) of a concern I have is with Tony...he does not know there is a time difference between NJ and NM? Hmmmm....Otherwise, he impressed me ---by the little bit you posted now and originally--- as a decent dude. I get a tad concerned when I think someone might try to take advantage of a compassionate soul...so be aware...but my gut tells me he is genuine, nonetheless.
Ana is well and thank you for asking. She had the profuse bleeding problem for 3 days and day before yesterday contacted her gyn and was told to rest and the bleeding should cease. Her gyn expressed that, yes, it could be an early miscarriage or just a very heavy period caused by stress. Since we had unprotected sex, her gyn was siding on the very early miscarriage. Ana reminded me that another time (about a week before the 'condomless' sex episode) I did not put on my condom until right before ejaculating. So, of course we know that sperm is released in smaller amounts before the full ejaculation. We speculate that it could have been that episode 10 days before her expected period. The uterine lining builds and thickens very quickly with tissue and blood after conception so hence, the heavy bleeding and late period. I think I may have caused this by my selfishness...but at least it was an early end. I feel badly for her as she was quite uncomfortable. Better now.
I only told you about J because I was tired of hearing about how you didn't want to "hurt" him by being with me. Well, he pushed for me to be faithful with him in regard to other dudes...and then I find out he is the one who sleeps with another! Not me! So...who is the one who deserves the sympathy? Me or him?...LOL! I am not angry at him...I am not jealous or even upset. I just don't get jealous. I don't want to hurt him over this more than he has hurt himself. He i suffering over this. I am not even upset. If I thought he was okay about this...about deceiving me...I'd be annoyed. But he is really absorbed by this and feeling anxiety and extreme remorse. It is very obvious. I need a bit of time to fill you in on the details as they are very involved...and it is very late here. I cannot sleep..but should try. Ana is asleep in the other room.
J sent me an e-mail asking if he could visit this weekend as he really needed to see me and talk with me. I told him that I'd be home in 2+ weeks, so he should try to wait, and I might be going to Paris for this weekend so it may not work. He said "okay, babe...but let me give you this. Since you forced me to close out my twitter, I cannot express my love and feelings to you outside of what I say directly to you. This song IS us, babe, it is us, PLEASE listen to it":
"Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed with a home tattoo
Happy Birthday to you was created for you
Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seems
Cannot believe you're taking my heart to pieces
Ahhh I'll take a little time
Might take a little crime to come undone
Now we'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind and blow me into cry..."
Any ideas as to the title so I can check on youtube? He wants me to listen to it, but there is no title. Ana does not know it either. J flew to DC this afternoon so I cannot ask him more. Will fill you in on the issue where J fucked around on me if you are interested. Too tired now. He is not as perfect as you thought...yes? LOL
Storm - 13 years ago
Oh boy, .. I was tired last night when I left my last post. I just saw that I put down that I crashed at 9am. LOL I meant to say that I fell asleep around 9pm. I don't know why but I was just out of it and exhausted.
Darling, I am always willing to learn, and I do want to know what's on your mind. That's important to me, always. True, you know the definitions and use of words better than I do, so keep the English lessons coming. It only makes me a better person and I like you being my master. :)
Good news jelly bean! I have a new online girlfriend and she is bisexual and says she is 9o% lez! I met her on twitter. She's crazy about me and sent me a bunch of nude photos of herself to my email, and all I can say is YOWZA! She is 31 yrs old, lives in Florida, has a beachfront home, owns her own business and is very wealthy. She will be at the Golden Globe awards on Monday in LA with a 22 yr. old starlet whose a closet bisexual and part time lover of hers. She travels in private jets to her clients around the world. We are talking very sexy and dirty to each other and I love it! The downside is, all I can think about is sex now! :)
On top of that, Tony, your practically next door neighbor in Hoboken left this message for me, and he wants to call me!
goldengiant
view all msgs: received from | sent to 1/6/2011 4:59:04 AM
Subject:RE: Hello
Message:Thanks for writing and more importantly your support of compassion.....when is the best time to call you and is there a time difference....please let me know so I can call.....Love Tony....
Life is good! I hope yours is too! How's Ana, and have you talked to J? Is everything okay now?
------------------------ - 13 years ago
I only mentioned the past transgressions because you noted in your prior message that these infractions were 'unintentional' and done 'inadvertently' and I wanted to express my understanding of the definition of these two words which differs from yours. I know you don't like it when you are 'challenged' with regard to statements you make.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. It is 1am in the morning here, and I just woke up from falling asleep earlier, I'm guessing it must have been around 9am when I crashed out. My dogs woke me up and wanted out, so my head is still in a fog and I feel dead tired and am not thinking clearly enough at this moment to respond to everything you've said, but wanted to take a moment to let you know that I've read what you said and it is duly noted. What's happened in the past, we've talked about it, discussed it many times, I've apologized for my mistakes, and if I could, I'd go back and change or undo some things that caused you pain and hurt. Neither one of us will ever heal if we want to keep hashing and rehashing and digging up the past, which can't be changed. Would it not be a wise idea to leave it in the past now and move forward?
Earlier this evening, I turned on my backyard faucet to fill my ponds after I got Bo fed and put back in his pen. It hadn't been running but 5 minutes at the most, and when I came inside, I found my kitchen floor flooded, so I had to run outside and get the faucet turned off, and begin the clean up. The temperatures have been very cold, even down to 8 degrees or less, so my pipe to that faucet must have frozen and busted. There is suppose to be an even colder front coming down from the north sometime in the next few days I believe. It already feels like I'm living in Minnesota at the moment 'cause of the cold. Anyway, I'm still under warranty thank God, so I'm suppose to get a call in the morning from the plumbing company telling me when they can come out to fix it.
I also will need to leave my house when the plumbers are done to run some errands, so I am not sure when I will be able to respond again to you tomorrow, but will in the evening if not before.
I think you should call J and ask what happened or what's going on so you can have peace of mind. He loves you immensely and doesn't want to lose you, so I'm sure everything will turn out fine. Honey, I'm fading fast and needing more sleep, can't think clearly at the moment, so I hope you're okay, and I'll get back with you sometime tomorrow .....
------------------ - 13 years ago
came back to leave a final, quick comment as I was feeling badly that I may have hastily though without acerbity, painted J as a 'manizer'. I don't feel right about that. I need to lend a bit of info in order for you to know what transpired. Something happened...some type of a sexual episode, and I believe only once. More on that at the end. I want to comment on your latest post.
Let me clarify a few things. Mainly things contained in the 2nd paragraph and a comment contained in the 1st:
1."I deeply regret any hurts I have unintentionally done to you and you know they were not done on purpose." ---No, I do not know this. The word "unintentional" means something was done 'accidentally'...like an accidental omission. Responding to a post where I shared w/ you what was hurtful, with "you need meds" was not 'unintentional'. Responding to me with the post about Liz with "Fuck it, etc.blow her whole world apart!.." was not an 'unintentional' accident . Are we clear on this? The word 'inadvertently' also means 'accidentally'.
2.Well, I am a scientist and I have studied some astronautical engineering in grad school ...so I believe I can be an unofficial 'rocket scientist' here. As far as my "talking down to you"...perhaps that is the perception I left, that I was talking down to you...but sometimes I have a hard time getting across to you. And when you annoy me I do not take measures to be patient when addressing you. Sorry that you resented it.
3. I never said you were a "stupid" person...but why do you always have to try so hard to convince me that you are so smart? You must have some insecurities about your intelligence or your lack of formal education. I find it a bit uncomfortable when you always have to tell me how smart you are...always bringing up your admirable, wonderful, qualities. You do not have to try to convince people you are smart...if you are, people will take notice. You told me in an earlier post that I toot my horn...untrue. I may mention a fact... something I've done at work or in the past, accomplished if germane to the conversation... or in answering a question...I never generalize about how I am a wonderful, caring, kind, humble person or label myself with generalized attributes that are self-complimentary. I am just not used to that. I was brought up differently and most of the people I know and with whom I associate would look at this behavior as boastful or 'over-compensating' for inadequacies. I am a pretty self deprecating dude...and that is not complimenting myself.
4. "If you are confident in yourself like you say you are, you shouldn't have to do that." Do
what? speak the truth? So I am not confident because I question you or feel I am more knowledgeable than you? I have 8 years of college and post-grad under my belt so that helps...yes, an advantage...but we all possess characteristics that make us unique. I won't pretend to be 'less smart' than I am. So you are questioning whether I am a confident person? I think I should know. But, it proves again that you do not know me. I don't think you possess the familiarity or gravitas to convince me of doubting the person I am.
5. "Intelligence is somewhat of a relative thing." Generally untrue. Innate intelligence (ability) is fixed. Achievement...what you learn, do with your intelligence is another matter. So a 165 IQ can get a bad break and come from a bad family and be a loser, while a 115 IQ can be innately motivated and driven and acquire much success. But that is achievement, not intellectual ability. 2 different things.
6. "I bet I know more about farming than you." Maybe, maybe not. I read a lot. I had to research an organic farm and learn the process and basically go to Farmer's boot camp at an intern job. But this has nothing to do with intelligence. Farming is an acquired skill. So I guess I missed your point here. You don;t have to be intelligent to be a farmer, though I am sure some farmer
Storm - 13 years ago
Babe, please, .. you are misunderstanding me in a few places here. First of all, I deeply regret any hurts I've unintentionally done to you, and you know they were not done on purpose. In defending you against a verbal attack upon you, I inadvertently went too far and said too much and betrayed your trust in me. I was regretful and terrified at what I had done, and you know that. I will always regret and feel terrible about it and I have apologized profusely to you.
I am not trying to compete with you intellectually and you didn't make me feel stupid, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you were talking down to me, and I resent that. You know I am not a stupid woman, so don't treat me that way, alright? If you are confident in yourself like you say you are, then you shouldn't have to do that. I don't care if you are smarter than me, I am not in competition with you. Intelligence is somewhat of a relative thing anyway. Example: I bet I know more about farming than you do, and I bet you know more about genome research than I do. Okay? I know you are brilliant and I admire that. You and I are both adept at learning and growing, and if you are smarter than me, great! I'm happy for you.
You are taking what I said wrong if you think I am trying to tell you that I am too 'ethical' to be with you. C'mon babe, I'm not saying that, and I'm sorry I didn't explain myself better, and you got hurt because of that. My fault okay? I'm sorry. Again, I am only trying to tread lightly and do no harm to any relationship or to anyone, especially you. I don't want to fight with you, I never want to hurt you, I just want to love on you and be here for you. That is my true intent. Always has been, always will be.
I can see that you feel hurt, and I apologize for my part in that. If you hurt, I hurt. I wish I knew how to comfort you. Let's not fight and argue anymore, okay? I'll do my best to use my words with better measure and accuracy so as not to be misunderstood or to cause you pain, but babe, I am human and far from perfect. I want to always be able to talk, discuss, and work things out with you whenever misunderstandings or conflict arises. That is where I'm coming from at all times with you, okay?
------------------------ - 13 years ago
Favor, please? Stop ranting the psychobabble rubbish that you probably read in some 2nd rate self-help manual (or maybe saw it on Dr. Phil) that "you try to make me feel stupid so you can feel superior over me.". That statement alone makes you look stupid. LOL! Very trite and very inaccurate. Remember what Eleanore Roosevelt said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Only a person who is insecure about themselves, their intelligence would attempt to make another feel stupid in order to feel superior. I do not need to do that. I am a pretty damn confident dude, and maybe even arrogant at times as you say.. I already feel intellectually superior around you...I don't need to make you feel stupid for me to accomplish that. But don't be offended...I feel intellectually superior over 99.977% of the US population (including J, my mother, my brother, my friends and nearly every person I work with) because that is my IQ percentile. It is a scientific fact...not an opinion. Doesn't make me better, doesn't make me superior, doesn't make me more worthy of anything...just makes me smarter. Oh, and I being too Politically incorrect for you? Why do you feel you have to compete with me intellectually?
You have been very unkind to me and you continue. But...I forgot..you are so wonderful and only capable of spreading joy. You betrayed my trust, you were cruel to me when I opened up to you about a deep scar and my enduring feelings for Liz and what we lost by my hand...and these are not isolated. There is a mechanistic void that prevents you from realizing what you 'say' and how improper and insulting the conveyance of said statement is to the receiver. Telling me, in essence, that you won't spend time with me because you have high morals and ethics. How the fuck would you feel if I told you that I could not be with you because my philosophical ethical code and moral standards (the truths I live my life by) defy it? Talk about feeling SUPERIOR. It is actually an empty, vacous and preposterous statement. Do you see the arrogance and the JUDGMENT behind your words? That is a value statement not a simple confusion over suitable vocabulary usage. Then when I tell you why it is hurtful and insulting...you send these silly little posts trying to be cute like a teenager...instead of responding to the issue. You've done this before and I have asked you not to.
And by all means, please continue to be concerned for J who is probably getting ready to fuck his 24 year old Columbian 'boy toy' now, LOL!
I'm outta here!
Storm - 13 years ago
I would like to ask you to come back down to earth as well, off of the lofty self built pedestal upon which you place yourself, because you think you are wiser and smarter than all others. Many of the things you accuse me of, you do also. You toot your own horn plenty, you pat yourself on the back, you get VERY self righteous, and arrogant. The worst of all though, is that you get verbally abusive! Are you even aware of that? I've taken a lot of pure shit off of you because I'm always focused on the knowledge that you are a fantastic, intelligent and good human being at your core and I've fallen in love with you along the way. I still feel all the love in the world for you, but there is only so much I can take. You once again talked to me in a very condescending manner yesterday trying to make me feel stupid so you could feel superior over me, and then you had to get as low as you can go and make sure you deliver a verbal knife into my heart by telling me you would fuck Tara over me! Where does this need to hurt people come from in you? Jesus! I was trying to lighten the conversation and get you to smile, and you in return got as low and nasty as you could possibly get with me just because I didn't respond back the way you wanted me to. Well sorry! I can't read your mind and always figure out what it is you want me to say. Then you get frustrated and lash out with hateful words, instead of staying calm and trying to communicate with me in a better way. Why do you let yourself get so hung up and focused on one word or a phrase all the time, instead of seeing the bigger picture and where the person speaking was trying to go with their thought? You could save yourself and the person you're talking to a lot of grief if you would just chill out a bit and lighten up. Whatever my ethics are, I don't go around trying to hurt people with my words, and I am a very loving and good individual trying to give happiness and help to others along my way. I not only try to lift you up, I do others as well with as positive an attitude as I can muster. I live a clean life and conduct myself in a respectful manner and treat others with respect and offer them a smile to hopefully brighten their day. Is that not good enough?
In my mind, I have never rebuffed or rejected you, I have only delayed. And the very first time you asked me to come be with you, I accepted! I only asked that we do it in 2 to 3 weeks down the road so I could plan for it and get my ducks in a row. When I didn't get back to you within the first hour, you took that as rejection and it is my belief that you missed my response back to you which I left later that same evening. Mis-communication pure and simple, and I highly regret that happening because you didn't have Daniel or J yet in your life, but it wasn't soon after when Daniel came along and your life changed drastically. Yes, I'm a bit scared that being with you will only deepen my feelings for you, but it would also be nice if there aren't other significant others in the picture when it happens. Less complicated, less chance of anyone else getting upset or hurt. Is that so hard to understand?
I am sorry to hear Michael, that J may have strayed on you and is trying to hide it. I am absolutely shocked and surprised by that. What happened? It is the last thing I would have thought he would do, given the restrictions he puts on you, and how much he loves you. I'm surprised he would even risk it, let alone try to hide it from you and deceive you. I'm sure he is in extreme fear he will lose you, hence the cover up if indeed it happened. I bet if you said to him, " Is there anything you want to tell me?" He would come clean with you.
Are things going okay for you otherwise in London? I take it Ana is okay and doing fine. I really do want you happy Michael, just remember that. All my love, .. Storm
The rude bastard - 13 years ago
A moot point indeed. We agree on something then.
It is both offensive and disrespectful for you to continue to articulate to me that your so-called ethical code and your moral compass or whatever bullshit euphemism you choose to utilize, disallow you from being with me. Do you even see that? It is an impertinent remark prompted by your exaggerated self-opinion. Frankly, you can take your non-existent ethical and moral code and shove it up your arse for all I care. Stop fabricating arrogant reasons ("my ethical code", etc., etc. ) for your past rebuffs when we both know the real underlying reason is that you are scared. Whether you really care about "hurting J" or not....you are fooling yourself, lady. Not that any of this matters at this point. Try coming down to Earth once in a while.
And regarding your concern for the lovelorn alter boy Jeffery....just so you know HE is the one who slept with another dude behind my back. Something I never did to him. Yes, 'tis true. His concerns about me not fucking other dudes...and I abide...and what does he do? LOL! I am not angry and really not upset about it at all. I guess I understand how it happened. He doesn't even know for certain that I know. He has not come clean and I have not mentioned it to him. I just found out recently and it only occurred very recently...I am not even 100% sure...but his behavior and demeanor speak volumes; and bro always spills the beans! So before you judge me and espouse your holier than thou concern for J...think that, perhaps, your allegiances are a bit misplaced and your ethical standards in need of reevaluation.
Storm - 13 years ago
Since you are so hellbent and focused on my ethical code, then here it is in short form. I don't like hurting people! And I know deep down that it hurts J to know you are being intimate with another, and he actually REALLY wishes you didn't need to. Yeah yeah you have your agreement with him blah blah. Still doesn't change the fact that I am stepping into the middle of a committed relationship! I don't want to get hurt either. NOW, do you get it? It's moot anyway after what you just said to me, because now I have no desire for you as well. :/
Storm - 13 years ago
Oh geez, .. LIGHTEN UP ALL READY! Can't you tell when I am joking with you? Why do you have to get so mean and nasty when I am just trying to be light hearted and play with you?
So you want me to remain serious, instead of joking and trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room? Then why don't you be a gentleman and just say so instead of turning into a rude bastard?
----------------------- - 13 years ago
Typical. Cannot answer a direct question so you issue your standard, one line response. Your attempts at trying to disarm me are fruitless. You impulsively spout out this self-righteous crap and then when I point out the hypocrisy, you still arrogantly support it and your past decisions and see no incongruousness in your assertions re: your so-called ethical code of conduct. Maybe I am just used to dealing with more sophisticated and educated people in my life, so I will be a gentleman and take the blame for not explaining myself in a more elementary , easy-to-comprehend level. This is not an insult to you...just a reality.
Am I hot for you? Actually....no, not anymore. Truth be told...at this point, I'd fuck Tara before you. That ma dear, is the Lord's truth. She seems to have a bit more scruples.
Storm - 13 years ago
Are you all hot for me baby? You're just wanting me to come see you soon. Is that what this is all about? ;)
------------------------ - 13 years ago
Sorry that Ronald Regan spoiled your fun. And I am happy that Hugh Hefner gave you the green light to define your ethical standards to exclude anything other than what fits into your self-serving definition. I couldn't care less if you had an open marriage with that pervert, I am simply pointing out the incongruousness and disharmony in your self-righteous statements. Get it now? You say you have ethical and moral standards that prevent you from being with me as I have been seeing another person, a man (in a semi-committed, unmarried) relationship where I only satisfy 1/2 of who I am. Bisexuals (true bisexuals) cannot function with the same gender in a monogamous relationship unless they force themselves. This is not necessarily a choice like the choice you made with your first husband to marry him...but 'not-really-marry' (which you fully support and it has not, evidently, threatened your "ethical code" of conduct, LOL!).
There is no lying, deceit or covertness in my relationship w/ J. I will never stay with him exclusively based on the man that I am --not by choice, but by nature.---and I never promised him this, never promised any 'marriage' or a facsimile thereof, never will. So your so-called ethical standards are a silly, convenient, egotistically-driven, hypocritical excuse given your past decisions. I am not judging your past...just trying to help you see the truth. So explain to me again why your "ethical code" of conduct is what really prevent you from being with me. I'm all ears.
I think you better check that moral compass of yours again...it is pointing due south.
------------------------ - 13 years ago
Sorry that Ronald Regan spoiled your fun. And I am happy that Hugh Hefner gave you the green light to define your ethical standards to exclude anything other than what fits into your self-serving definition. I couldn't care less if you had an open marriage with that pervert, I am simply pointing out the incongruousness and disharmony in your self-righteous statements. Get it now? You say you have ethical and moral standards that prevent you from being with me as I have been seeing another person, a man (in a semi-committed, unmarried) relationship where I only satisfy 1/2 of who I am. Bisexuals (true bisexuals) cannot function with the same gender in a monogamous relationship unless they force themselves. This is not necessarily a choice like the choice you made with your first husband to marry him...but 'not-really-marry' (which you fully support and it has not, evidently, threatened your "ethical code" of conduct, LOL!).
There is no lying, deceit or covertness in my relationship w/ J. I will never stay with him exclusively based on the man that I am --not by choice, but by nature.---and I never promised him this, never promised any 'marriage' or a facsimile thereof, never will. So your so-called ethical standards are a silly, convenient, egotistically-driven, hypocritical excuse given your past decisions. I am not judging your past...just trying to help you see the truth. So explain to me again why your "ethical code" of conduct is what really prevent you from being with me. I'm all ears.
I think you better check that moral compass of yours again...it is pointing due south.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. In my zest and desire to want to protect you, I seem to have a habit of going too far. I realize that you are an intelligent mature man, but something in me always wants to point things out to make sure you see what I see, and then it comes across to you as preaching. Sorry. I need to just back off and be a listener only and quit with the advice.
You did directly call Tara sexual prey, and that lead me to believe that you are fine with casual meaningless sex, .. that it is all about sexual physical pleasure. I never directly said that Ana is nothing but meaningless sex to you, but you did tell me you were going to keep your feelings 'in check' about her and the term 'fling', I did take it differently than how you meant it.
You really seem hung up about my open marriage. There was no cheating 'behind' each others back. There was no cheating at all because it was agreed upon between him and I that we would be true to our own nature and desires and that we would share that openly with each other, which we did. It worked perfectly for both of us and for what we both needed and wanted in our life at that time. I doubt it would have been a success with anyone else as my mate, and I doubt I will ever want that again, but it was the right decision for both him and I, and you really seem to hate me saying this, but I have absolutely no regrets with that decision. It worked for us, made us both happy, and we marched to the beat of our own drum. I was still very young and not ready for a traditional marriage with traditional rules, especially with this particular guy. He knew that but really wanted me for his wife, so we set the terms for what would make both of us happy instead of letting other people's religious beliefs, and set of rules, dictate our lives. He was very happy with me, and I was very happy with him and how he treated me. There was very much a movement towards sexual freedom at that time, the era of 'make love, not war' that was very much reflected in music, movies, and I even remember bare breasts and nudity showing up on prime time tv! Remember Woodstock and open nudity? Playboy and Hugh Hefner were big at that time as well showing off a very much hedonistic lifestyle and spouting sexual freedom. Then it all came crashing down when Reagan was voted into office and the conservatives and religious moral majority started banning public nudity and forcing their beliefs down everyone's throat. That sexual freedom era helped shape who I am today, and I became the wild child of my family. My sister, who is 10 yrs older than me, and who became a very young adult in the early sixties, got married I believe when she was 23 as I remember. She was a virgin on her wedding night. She told me that the sex lasted about 15 minutes, then he rolled over and turned on the tube to watch sports and ignored her! LOL Needless to say, she was disappointed that this is what she saved herself for on her wedding night. She is still married to that same selfish, hyper, immature idiot. She has basically sacrificed much of her own true self and happiness for the sake of 'tradition' and playing out her role all of her life as a traditional wife with traditional Christian values. They are Methodist. I asked her if she is happy with her husband, and she just moans and gives me an eye roll and a funny look. LOL She tolerates him.
You say I am speculating about sharing you with other guys and gals. Well, I say you are speculating about what is in my head! Very much so! Much of your opinion is based on how other women have reacted to you, so you think I have to be the same! You are not my mind and you are not me! So you don't know as much as you think you do mister smarty pants! LOL
Okay, .......... can we lighten up now? :)
--------------------------------- - 13 years ago
1. It is not that I disliked your use of the word "myth" in your statement, per se,...it is that the usage of the word in this context was completely inaccurate. As a 38 year old, educated man...I did not appreciate your preachment on the topic. I understand how human pregnancy occurs.
2. I've never seriously looked upon anyone as 'sexual prey'. I don't have meaningless sex....relations with people whom I am not attracted or at least 'know' on some level. I did not appreciate the reference to what I have with Ana as simply 'meaningless sex'...and I apologize if I gave you that false impression. By a "fling" I meant s short-lived love affair. "Fling" was probably a poor choice or word then on my part. I do care about her and she me. Otherwise, she would not be in my home and my bed. She wants to stay/live here in my place so we can be together for the next two weeks or so until I leave. I am struggling with that now. I want her here but need to talk to J first. Europeans don't understand this...but I don't want to appear as I am hiding anything from him. She even wants me to come back now and then to continue this when I move back home should I choose. I saw that one coming. I don't do trans-Atlantic relationships ....they just don't work and they don't end well. Besides, I feel otherwise encumbered now. Gee, I must be a better lay than I thought, LOL! I told her that this would probably not be wise.
3. LOL--you kill me! Your so-called "code of ethics" would not allow you to be with a bisexual man who has a boyfriend who accepts his nature and condones his activities...but your code of ethics allowed you to enter into an open marriage which was your choice? Very incongruous, this code you live by. You sound like a bit of a casuist to me. Your "that was the time" excuse doesn't hold water. It was not something wildly accepted at the time...let's get that fact straight. On another germane sub-topic, I did not threaten nor force J to condone my sexuality by 'allowing' me to see women. I mean, you say he agreed to this out of duress? Do you seriously think that? Who have you been talking to? That is completely inaccurate. I have no desire to threaten or coerce anyone into accepting me. Can't for the life of me figure where you picked that little tidbit up. It is nonsense. I never even ASKED J nor did I FORCE him allow me to see women. He knows who I am and he knows if he wants to stay in a relationship with a bi man he needs to be realistic. Otherwise, he should date a gay man. I encouraged him to do just that, many times. He can have any gay man he wants...that is no word of a lie. He 'agreed' to nothing. He told me he feels 'liberated' that I can be myself and still come home to him. Men are different than women whether you believe it or not. You do not know what makes J tick. I think I do.
4. Your statement about sharing me with other men and women...you are speculating and have no idea how you would feel. In fact, I bet it would kill you to share. That is my feeling. So, as long as you are in the proverbial "first wife" position, you are okay with sharing me w/ both genders?...LOL! Again...this sounds very casuistic to me. Let me be clear on something...I do not condone cheating or extra-marital affairs....or recreational affairs outside of a committed relationship. With J, I do not see other men. I would not feel right about that nor do I desire it. Sex with women is part of my orientation that he knows he cannot fulfill. There is a difference between accepting sex with the other gender (as J does) and allowing it for both genders as you would in a similar relationship. I would not do that. I guess that must be part of my "Code of ethics".
Ana seems better. After checking some stuff On line, I decided not to call my mother knowing she would chastise me for not using a condom. Besides, I think she would be too excited about me seeing a woman, even though it is casual. Ana is usually not late, but has been
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. Okay, you don't like my use of the word 'myth', so let me just withdraw that so you don't get upset. :) Darling, we really are in agreement that a woman's cycle of menses lessens the chance of pregnancy, and I think we are still in agreement that it isn't always fail proof, and that is the important point I was trying to make. Best to always use protection, end of story. Okay?
I'm happy to hear that Ana means something to you. Sometimes it does sound and seem like sex is the end all for you, and people are just 'sexual prey' ( your term not mine). Maybe you are not aware that sometimes that is how you come across. You did say that Ana is just a 'fling', so one could interpret that to mean sex with no feelings attached. Don't get mad, .. I'm just letting you know how it comes across, okay?
As for J, the one thing I do know that you cannot dispute, is his very deep deep love for you and the fact that if he had his way, he would not share you. He only does because he has no choice if he wants to keep you. Right? It is hard for me to think of getting involved with you in an intimate way when you are basically in love with someone else (J), and in a close and basically committed relationship with him. I have never allowed myself to interfere or get involved with a couple's relationship before, .. be it that they are married or just living together in a relationship. It doesn't feel right to me. Yes, I know you have his permission more or less out of no choice to him, because if he didn't say 'yes' to this, then he would lose you, so he is only okaying it out of duress and no choice. Right? I made a promise to you that if anything happened between you and J, then I will be there to comfort you and be with you in your time of need, and I will stay true to my word if that day comes. I may even decide to be intimate with you while you are still with him, but I need time to give that more thought because it will be breaking with the code of ethics I have lived by. You and this situation is completely different than anything I have ever come across. I always do my best to look and see what is down the road before I make decisions such as this. Since you are with Ana and developing feelings for her, you may decide to keep her in your life at the end of these two weeks, so you may not need or want me anyway. Let's just see what happens and go from there.
Now, to answer your question as to my statement that I would be willing to share you with guys and other gals. That was coming from a hypothetical setting where I am in a position in your life like J is, where I am more prominent in your life. I hope that answers your question.
Is it very unusual for Ana to be late with her period? If it happens all the time that her period can be off like that, then perhaps your sperm isn't necessarily what caused this menses to come late. But, if this is highly unusual and her flow is seldom this heavy, then you may have come closer than you know to dodging a pregnancy. When I miscarried, I was cramping so hard I could hardly stand it, and I had sweat dripping off of me and felt way over-heated. This happened however in July on a hot day right after I mowed the lawn, so I was already sweating and hot from that. My flow was at least medium when I am normally a light flow when I did have rare periods. Mostly I remember getting very faint and the room darkening on me. I came very close to passing out. I would like to know what your mom thinks is happening to Ana. I hope her cramping stops because that is miserable, and I certainly hope everything is okay with her. Take good care of her, and I know you will.
-------------------- - 13 years ago
Look! I am not disputing that women can get pregnant during their periods! My former girlfriend got pregnant with a viable pregnancy and the ONLY time we had unprotected sex was when she was actively menstruating. I KNOW! What I object to is your pseudo-knowledge on the topic by deeming that if one has sex during menses it is a MYTH that it is a form of birth control. This is NOT a myth. If the human race decided to engage in sex only during menses...human populations would be vastly reduced!If the average young, healthy woman conceives at a fertile time (during ovulation) which is an average of 4 days per month...days 14-17 after menstruation (roughly...could be a bit later or earlier), and at that fertile time she has a 15% chance of her egg fertilizing, she, in comparison, only has LESS than a 1% chance during menses of her egg being fertilized...but that does, indeed, mean that pregnancy is not possible, it is ...but GREATLY reduced so it is NOT A MYTH. THAT is my point. Is this explanation any easier for you to comprehend? I demur and challenge your arbitrary and haphazard use of the term "myth" which was the crux of your point. I rest my case. Frankly, I think it a mistake for you to try to argue any branch of the biological sciences with me. Just sayin'
Let me say this: You can believe that what I want and what I desire is meaningless ex...but it is not. I could have meaningless sex if I wanted. With Tara...yes, that would have been pretty meaningless...and it would have been one time only...and I would have had regrets had we actually fucked for more than 10 seconds. Actually...we never even fucked. She was the aggressor and I believe most men would have gone through with it. Let me be clear...what I have with Ana is NOT meaningless sex...though it appears you would like to believe that. I have deep...YES, deep affection for her and I care about her though I have not known her very long. When I make love to her I express my emotions and feelings and my affection. It is far from meaningless...is this clear?
You do not know J so stop professing that you do! You have no idea what thinks. What suddenly made you an expert on the male species and the male neurological thinking process? you claim to know Jeffery better than I do! How absurd! He is with a bisexual and while he would love me to be gay, he accepts that I am not. I will never be with only him. Ever. He knows this!! He is not an uneducated dolt! He has gotten to the point where he accepts that losing me is far greater than losing a piece of me--his quote! But you are so concerned with him (whom you do not know) and less concerned with me and my needs! I never feel that all relationships have to last forever to be deemed a success. What I have with J is pretty awesome...but that does not mean that it is perfect or enduing. But again...you contradict yourself. You claim that you are so different from other women and that you would ""me with "men and other women". Really? Prove it. Stop the bullshit and prove it then. Explain EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT STATEMENT.
I am still on EST and not tired...Ana is fast asleep. Her period was 4-5 days late, according to her, and very heavy. I question if it was an early miscarriage. The bleeding was pretty heavy tonight during activity and we had to stop as she was having severe cramping. Is this normal for woman? This morning there was a lot of bleeding too during sex (but I was happy since it meant she was not pregnant). Ana says it is just a "heavy period". She keeps a brave face but I can tell she is in discomfort. I know this seems odd...but I am going to call my mom...the female and the MD. She will be all excited that I am having sex with a woman. I'll look it up on line too. So spell check. Later.................
-------------------- - 13 years ago
Look! I am not disputing that women can get pregnant during their periods! My former girlfriend got pregnant with a viable pregnancy and the ONLY time we had unprotected sex was when she was actively menstruating. I KNOW! What I object to is your pseudo-knowledge on the topic by deeming that if one has sex during menses it is a MYTH that it is a form of birth control. This is NOT a myth. If the human race decided to engage in sex only during menses...human populations would be vastly reduced!If the average young, healthy woman conceives at a fertile time (during ovulation) which is an average of 4 days per month...days 14-17 after menstruation (roughly...could be a bit later or earlier), and at that fertile time she has a 15% chance of her egg fertilizing, she, in comparison, only has LESS than a 1% chance during menses of her egg being fertilized...but that does, indeed, mean that pregnancy is not possible, it is ...but GREATLY reduced so it is NOT A MYTH. THAT is my point. Is this explanation any easier for you to comprehend? I demur and challenge your arbitrary and haphazard use of the term "myth" which was the crux of your point. I rest my case. Frankly, I think it a mistake for you to try to argue any branch of the biological sciences with me. Just sayin'
Let me say this: You can believe that what I want and what I desire is meaningless ex...but it is not. I could have meaningless sex if I wanted. With Tara...yes, that would have been pretty meaningless...and it would have been one time only...and I would have had regrets had we actually fucked for more than 10 seconds. Actually...we never even fucked. She was the aggressor and I believe most men would have gone through with it. Let me be clear...what I have with Ana is NOT meaningless sex...though it appears you would like to believe that. I have deep...YES, deep affection for her and I care about her though I have not known her very long. When I make love to her I express my emotions and feelings and my affection. It is far from meaningless...is this clear?
You do not know J so stop professing that you do! You have no idea what thinks. What suddenly made you an expert on the male species and the male neurological thinking process? you claim to know Jeffery better than I do! How absurd! He is with a bisexual and while he would love me to be gay, he accepts that I am not. I will never be with only him. Ever. He knows this!! He is not an uneducated dolt! He has gotten to the point where he accepts that losing me is far greater than losing a piece of me--his quote! But you are so concerned with him (whom you do not know) and less concerned with me and my needs! I never feel that all relationships have to last forever to be deemed a success. What I have with J is pretty awesome...but that does not mean that it is perfect or enduing. But again...you contradict yourself. You claim that you are so different from other women and that you would ""me with "men and other women". Really? Prove it. Stop the bullshit and prove it then. Explain EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT STATEMENT.
I am still on EST and not tired...Ana is fast asleep. Her period was 4-5 days late, according to her, and very heavy. I question if it was an early miscarriage. The bleeding was pretty heavy tonight during activity and we had to stop as she was having severe cramping. Is this normal for woman? This morning there was a lot of bleeding too during sex (but I was happy since it meant she was not pregnant). Ana says it is just a "heavy period". She keeps a brave face but I can tell she is in discomfort. I know this seems odd...but I am going to call my mom...the female and the MD. She will be all excited that I am having sex with a woman. I'll look it up on line too. So spell check. Later.................
Storm - 13 years ago
I have a close friend who lives out of state, that got pregnant on the second day of her period. I knew a coworker years ago who got pregnant on the first day of her period. My point is that it happens! Is it worth playing Russian roulette and hoping your timing fits in with the majority? I think you are very foolish if you answer 'yes'. The key words in your response were " in most cases "! Honey, I wish you could take what I say the way it is intended, which is to simply protect you, and not have to shoot me down in the process. I was not trying to be pompous and all knowing, but I knew I was right when I spoke of babies being created during some of these supposed safe times in a woman's cycle. I appreciate your biology lesson none the less.
I am not waiting for you to profess your undying love to me, and I am not building my future around you as is evidenced by my putting myself out there to meet guys who are looking for someone special like I am. Someone very decent and kind like Tony is. I nevertheless think very highly of you, Michael, and still hope to meet and experience you someday when your dick isn't so busy and when my appearance will not cause hurt or concern to another person such as J. He may be giving you permission to be with women, but you are fooling yourself if you think it doesn't hurt him or give him concerns when you are having intimate relations with another. To you, it is meaningless sex, but I have never had meaningless sex with a guy. It has always been at the very least a show of my great affection for my lover. J worries constantly that you will fall for another too, yet your relationship with him keeps working, and you are still committed to him. There is no difference between what he feels for you and what a woman feels, yet it's working. I have not been insincere in the least with any of my statements, so I don't understand your last sentence in your prior post.
On a lighter note, I hope you are enjoying Ana, and she is bringing you joy. I already know she is, so I hope that will bring you a good rest and sleep which you desperately need. All my love, .. Storm
This one has been spell-checked!!!!! - 13 years ago
"I must be cruel only to be kind".
Allow me to correct you, yet again. But before I do may I request of you that you kindly refrain with your pontifications...particularly when they contain incorrect assumption as in the following amendment to your counterfactual post. Having unprotected sex during active menstruation does, in most cases, prevent or nullify the prospect of fertilization. This is not a "myth" as you deemed it. A myth is an imagined, invented or fictitious concept. Human females cannot ovulate while they are shedding their uterine lining, therefore, intercourse during menses greatly reduces or diminshes their chance of conception. It is unusual for a women to become pregnant during her period (assuming it is the first days and not the tail end of bleeding). Why this practice can, in a small number of cases, result in fertilization in the very fertile (usually young) female can be attributed to the following: The female is probably at the latter end of her 5 day menstruation cycle; the male's sperm has a survival rate past the normal 3 days; and the female has an early ovulation cycle (instead of ovulating 14 days after the first day of her period, she is ovulating much earlier than an average 28 day cycle allows ...say 7-10 days after the first day of her period instead). It generally has to be a perfect storm for fertilization to occur. If you clam to know a bunch of women, personally, who became pregnant during their periods...THAT is a myth, or they are lying. Yes, it happens and don't I know this first hand! But, I still would feel comfortable, even given my experience, ejaculating internally on the first or second day (maybe even 3rd) of a woman's period. I believe with Liz it was probably the end of her period and we were tempting fate. Having just written all of this, Ana did tell me she has her period now and I still did use a condom this morning. Does this make you feel better. So everything is fine. Right? I do appreciate your concern, but it appears we are in the clear as far as a little Michael toddling around the this planet any time soon. Agreed?
Why would it break your heart because you feel I "want to lump you in with all other women"? This is my experience; and you are even afraid to see me if I don't profess my undying love beforehand for Christ sakes! I mean...get real. IF you were so "different" as you claim..then you would not have been afraid to see me when I was with J (even early on) and with Bea and now with J and Ana. Since you are so willing to share...why not share now? J has already told me I could sleep with woman, and Ana is temporary sexual fling. But you talk a big game, LOL! You say you are so different because you would share me with men and women. I "know" you and I know what you "are about"...yes, I know you better than you think...you would worry constantly that I would fall in love with another lover, desire someone more, want to be with them more...admit it. Still no? Then put your money where your mouth is and stop spouting these platitudes....saying that the truth breaks your heart. I know from whence I speak! I am not angry, but I do not like insincerity.
------------------ - 13 years ago
"I must be cruel only to be kind".
Allow me to correct you, yet again. But before I do may I request of you that you kindly refrain with your pontifications...particularly when they contain incorrect assumption as in the following amendment to your counterfactual post. Having unprotected sex during active menstruation does, in most cases, prevent or nullify the prospect of fertilization. This is not a "myth" as you deemed it. A myth is an imagined, invented or fictitious concept. Human females cannot ovulate while they are shedding their uterine lining, therefore, intercourse during menses greatly reduces or diminshes their chance of conception. It is unusual for a women to becoem pregnant during her period (assuming it is the first days and not the tail end of bleeding). Why this practice can, in a small number of cases, result in fertilization in the very fertile (usually young) female can be attributed to the following: The female is probably at the latter end of her 5 day menstruation cycle; the male's sperm has a survival rate past the normal 3 days; and the female has an early ovulation cycle (instead of ovulating 14 days after the first day of her period, she is ovulating much earlier than an average 28 day cycle allows ...say 7-10 days after the first day of her period instead of the average 14. It generally has to be a perfect storm for fertilization to occur. If you clam to know a bunch of women personally who became pregnant during their periods...THAT is a myth or they are lying. Yes, it happens and I know this first hand! But, Is till would feel comfortable, even given my experience, ejaculating on the first or second day of a women's period. I believe with Liz it was probably the end of her period and we were tempting fate. Having just written all of this, Ana did tell me she has her period now and I still did use a condom this morning. Does this make you feel better. So everything is fine. Right? I do appreciate your concern, but it appears we are in the clear as far as a little Michael toddling around the this planet any time soon. Agreed?
Why would it break your heart because you feel I "want to lump you in with all other women"? This is my experience; and you are even afraid to see me if I don't profess my undying love beforehand for Christ sakes! I mean...get real. IF you wre so "different" as you claim..then you would not have been afraid to see me when Iw as with J (even early on) and with Bea and now with J and Ana. Since you are so willing to share...why not share now? J has already told me I could sleep with woman and he has, and Ana is temporary sexual fling. But you talk a big game, LOL! You say you are so different because you would share me with men and women. I "know" you and I know what you "are about"...yes, I know you better than you think...you would worry constantly that I would fall in love with another lover, desire someone more, want to be with them more...admit it. Still no? Then put your money where your mouth is and stop spouting these platitudes....saying that the truth breaks your heart. I know from whence I speak! I am not angry, but I do not like insincerity.
Storm - 13 years ago
You're cruel! :) So what is the story with Ana? Is she on her period right now? Sorry to be indelicate. I just want to know for certain that you are indeed safe from fatherhood at this time. And please do not trust that having unprotected sex during a woman's menses is safe, as many babies have been born from that myth. I'm just trying to protect you, as you surely know. You're breaking my heart that you want to lump me in with all other women, when you still do not truly know me and what I'm about. Someday you will find out you're wrong about me.
------------------- - 13 years ago
I meant to write I got less than 2 (NOT 3) hours sleep last night. Not to mention my myriad of other spelling offenses and typos. LOL!! Guess I am worn out and exhausted!
I am getting my warm, soapy bath complete with foot massage and rubdown tonight. Hope you are sufficiently jealous.
---------------------------- - 13 years ago
Ha ha...denial. That is what they all say in the beginning. Seriously. I always tell the truth, they tell me that they are more evolved, think differently, etc. But women are women. I beg to differ: M?Y ways are compatible with no self-respecting woman...trust that. do not enter relationships knowing I will cheat. End of story. But, surely you see you contradict yourself...you deny me because of J or because of Ana or 'wahtever' and 'whomever' is convenient...and then you tell me you won't deny me men or other women. Makes no sense. But alas...'tis a moot point anyway...as I am no longer free enough to pursue other lovers. I am too tired! You missed your window it seems. And I get bored of trying. Sorry :(
J drained me, quite literally. Arrived home very late (or more accurately, very early...) to find Ana fast asleep, nude as I had requested, in my bed. Didn't have the heat to wake her knowing she would have to get up in another hour or 2 for work. However, I did make love to her before she left for the office this morning...now I am very tired. I got less than 3 hours sleep last night, including on the plane, so I am working form home on Ana's computer server. I bribed her.... told her if she left her laptop for me, I would do something very dirty, possibly quasi- illegal in some municipalities, to her this evening. It worked ;)
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi Romeo, .. Thanks for the warning, but I've already wrapped my heart around you and accept you for all that you are. Since I am pretty much a loner and use to being on my own for many years now, I find your ways compatible with my own. I certainly would never keep you from affairs with guys 'cause that happens to turn me on. With other women, I can only hope you would be kind enough to share them with me! :)
So, how are you feeling lover boy? Did J leave enough man juice in you to have a good time with Ana when you arrived? Are you still at home or did you go to work?
Truth be told........... - 13 years ago
My label would read: "Beware! I am going to seduce you into having really awesome sex with me and then when you want an exclusive or even a semi-exclusive relationship, I'll begin to look elsewhere. I will drive you crazy with my neurotic ways which, in the beginning, you will find charming and endearing. Then you will become frustrated and annoyed by my idiosyncrasies, extreme insensitivity devoid of any compassion, and perpetual lack of commitment on any minute level; and then you will possibly slap me or call me something very crude...words you never thought you would utter to another human. None of this will be evident to you at the onset of our courting. Then toward the end, you will nearly demand if not outright demand that I stop seeing others and when I don't abide (because I will not) you will hate me (never believing at the beginning you could ever feel this way about me ). But, I won't care at that point."
Yup--that is what mine would say. I am much better at casual non-committed affairs. Truly I am.
Storm - 13 years ago
I wish men came with a label on their forehead that said things like, " I'm going to treat you like shit!" Then, I could make a wise decision! hahaha By the way, you're not allowed to die on me, okay? I'll really be pissed at you if you do, so don't you dare! I would be devastated. :(
Storm - 13 years ago
LOL Oh you are so cute! Well guess what? I have been down and dirty with a woman, though I have never strapped one on! hahaha That really would not appeal to me, but I really like kissing women because their mouth is so soft compared to a guy, and I like touching and exploring their body and feeling a bond and closeness with a woman and just having fun with her. It's erotica pure and simple. I am way too shy to initiate other than smile and turn on a green light in response, but it takes the other woman to be the aggressor or nothing is going to happen. I don't really outwardly seek looking for women, and there aren't very many that actually turn me on, but every now and then I see one that is my type and I find myself like you do, undressing her in my mind and fantasizing. I think you may be right that I am probably about 80/20 in my make up and desire. But I will tell you this, .. when I self pleasure, it is by far, more fantasies about being with women than with guys. So now what do you think? I say I am bisexual. :)
Babe, you still have me wrong that I will never get together with you. Wrong wrong wrong! I have my reasons why now isn't good and I know you think they are flimsy excuses, but my gosh, I look at your situation with J and now Ana, and your unsettled feelings for Elizabeth, and everything in me is just telling me to wait and be patient. Knowing you are with a woman right now is only easy for me because I know she is classy and worthy of you and a very decent person, and also that this thing with her is temporary, so I'm happy for you, even though I wish it was me getting to spend time with you and spoiling you the way you like to be pampered. Even Bea was smart enough to back off when she saw how close you and J are. I feel the same. I find it quite curious that Bea says she just got engaged and plans to marry Karl, yet the first thing she tries to do is come running to see you! That isn't the way a woman in love should be behaving, don't you think? She fully intended and wanted to have sex with you again, and I think she would have been with high desire and hope that you would tell her not to marry him , and that you loved her and wanted her. That is what I think she was hoping would happen. Okay, you can disagree with me now, but I still bet I'm right. After all, she already told you in the recent past that her love for you runs much deeper than what she feels for Karl, so you can't tell me my feeling about this is far fetched. It wasn't very long ago she was telling you that she was dismayed with Karl and left feeling very frustrated and living apart from him, and even that she would NOT marry him. And now all of a sudden this quick turn around? Don't be surprised if she keeps delaying the wedding date. That's all I'm going to say, and I bet she will come to NYC to see you in the near future. She is far from over you.
Tony hasn't responded back yet to my message to him. I feel good about what I said to him, so I think he will respond fairly soon. I am really wanting to get to know him, but I do feel some fear that I will grow very attached to him, and then what if leukemia takes him from me? He said all his siblings have passed. I may be setting myself up for some more heartbreak! Kevin died 16 and a half years ago and I'm still not over that one, and he was only in my life for just short of a year. I really need some happiness to come my way. This last guy I just got out of my life for good who still has all his stuff here, was a nightmare and didn't treat me well. He was a binge drinker, and there were several occasions where I had to flee my own home and sleep in my car to get away from his angry drunken rages. You have no idea! Again, another guy that I let step into my life and he turned out as well to be something other than what he portrayed himself to be. I wish men came with a label on their forehead that said things like, " I'm going to treat you like s
CORRECTION to above - 13 years ago
s/b...."what I am saying is that a younger teen or young adult who may be........"
----------------- - 13 years ago
I should clarify...what I am saying is as a younger teen or young adult who is inexperienced sexually can feel gay or bi and it just might be so. But a grown person with a lot of sexual experience cannot assume she is bi until she has been with a woman sexually. I stand by that. Best I can say is that you may possibly have bi leanings, but you are not bisexual. I just don't see it or feel it.
----------------- - 13 years ago
being bi means you are not only attracted to both genders, but sexually active with both...or have been in the past. I think female sexuality is very fluid and women can be attracted to the softness of another women...I think you are a 90/10 or an 80/20 at best. That does not necessarily equate to being bi either...just an slight attraction to the same sex. Big deal. I say you are straight with 'curious leanings' as you are very open-minded when it comes to sexuality. Remember I know very many bi and gay people. My bisexuality is not like what you think yours is. I am much more defined and active and until you get down and dirty with another women and come up for air and say you really liked it...no dice. I say you are straight :)
Just sayin'
no spell check!!!!!!!!! - 13 years ago
You feel CHEATED that you don't know what I look like? Really? Don't you recall invitations to see me, meet me and vacation with me? You certainly could have seen what I looked like in the flesh. All invitations were declined (let's not try to support your reasons for the rebuff again), so no sympathy for you from my end, ma dear. I guess if you "like visuals" then you could have seen me in the flesh, my home, etc. and preserved your very own visual. "The gang" does not know what I look like, sans Ellery. If I gave you my address, my photo, my personal info...cell phone, e-mail (which I never give out and rarely do I use either for personal communication) you would be satisfied to hide behind all that technology and never meet...wouldn't you? You don't even realize it. I am sure the fact that I am bi and live so far away is subconsciously appealing to you this way you have an excuse to never meet me and risk rejection. You are probably glad that this dude from Hoboken lives so far away and he has leukemia so he will be busy with treatments or ailing or convalescing and then you never have to meet him either. Right? Yes, I am right. You will realize this at some point :D Sorry...not going to make this easier for you or allow you to drag this out.
Of course I wouldn't even dream of getting involved with someone who works for J. that would be disrespectful to him and plain stupid. This women would not consider fucking J's boyfriend (up until the kiss J planted on me by him, she was unsure if J and I were friends or lovers ). Additionally, she is hot for him and she'd like to keep her job. Trust me, that would piss J off. And he doesn't get annoyed easily. My guess is that my bisexuality, if she was aware of it, would not scare someone like her off. I bet she is hoping J is bi. Most younger women living in cosmopolitan cities are not deterred by ambiguous sexuality.
I am not going to insult Ana. I believe her. I don't know how to say this other than she is not some low class no-life twit trying to trap me. I don't think this trapping phenomena is as prevalent in my mecca. She is 35, successful, upper middle class and don't forget she asked me twice not to come inside of her...but I did. It is my fault. I talked her into unprotected sex. Okay? If she tells me she is not pregnant, I believe she is menstruating now from what she said and I am not going to be so rude as to ask her to pee on a stick in my presence. That would be offensive...don't you think? If she is pregnant (Which I highly doubt) and does not want to terminate..I will not attempt to change her mind. Pregnancy will not force me to commit to anyone. Trust me. Yes I know she could tell me she is over her period when I get there...but there is not much I can do about that. It is hard over the phone and I think being there with her will make it easier.
Well, I don' know that I will end up with a woman. I am not interested in "ending up" with anyone. I know that when I was with women I always craved men. Always. That is why I got slapped and dumped so often, LOL! I think J satisfies me to such a degree that I crave no other dudes...plus he is really hot. Why look around? I think if I were with a woman now for the past months and living with her, etc...I'd be craving more dudes. I never craved other women with Elizabeth or Bea even as a far as I can recall..but I craved men. And the sex with J is certainly the best I've had. But, of course I constantly crave females...especially that nurturing aspect, the tenderness. Well, I have to tell you...I know you think you are bi, but I am dubious. In fact, I strongly suspect you are straight but open-minded and curious. I don;t think you can, as an adult with ample sexual experience, consider yourself bi until you have had sex with a woman. I mean e** p**** * and strap one on. I am serious. Being attracted to a pretty face or a nice bod does not make you bisexual. Being bi means you are not only attracted to bot
Storm - 13 years ago
I forgot to add this little tidbit. I had no idea where Hoboken was, so last thing I did last night at about 1:30am before I turned off my computer and retired, was look on Google maps for it. I was very surprised when I zoomed out on the map and saw Manhattan and Central Park so close by. I am guessing you still live close by Central Park, so I use that as my best reference to your location. Is Hoboken a nice suburb? I zoomed down to street level and where it took me was on a street that looked pretty old and maybe slightly run down. I didn't put in any street names or coordinates since I haven't a clue about the place, it is just where it decided to place me for whatever reason. It didn't appear to be a very busy street. I ran the direction arrows to the nearest intersection and then did a 360 look around. What I saw was an old neighborhood with no idea where I really was other than somewhere in Hoboken. I wish you could tell me an address where your apartment building is, then I could look it up and see it at street level. You know I like visuals. I could even do that in London and see the outside of your flat and what it looks like! Next best thing to being there. I know you will tell me you don't dare do that on here, and I agree, not a good idea. But you could still get that info to me over the phone or other ways. I feel cheated that the gossip gang knows more personal details, including how you look, than I do. :( Is Sarah still trying to plan a trip to come see you when you get back?
Storm - 13 years ago
Darn. I should have been within the 4000 keystrokes from what it said. The last word was 'them'. It left off the 'm'.
In regards to Tony, he didn't get my message until late last night. One thing I really like about this date site is, .. it tells you whether they have actually read your message or not, and it also shows who has looked at your profile on a daily basis, and then you can click on who they are and check them out as well. It showed that Tony visited my site again yesterday and probably after he got my message. I have six songs right now that play continuously when people are viewing my profile and maybe he likes listening to my music choices. He has some songs on his I really like as well, especially ' To Love Somebody ' by the BeeGees. As of last night, he hadn't responded back, and I have yet to check over there this morning, which is what I will do next. I am always eager to check here first thing to see if I have anything from you. When so, .. it puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day. It's a priority thing don'tcha know! :)
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi lover boy, .. Oh how I wish I could have been at that party! I would say you and J were the main entertainment for everyone! LOL I wish I could have been sitting beside you when you were talking to that pretty woman. I would have looked her up and down with you. I wonder what she would have done then. :) I'm thinking J was at least half right in his assertion that she was digging for info, .. it's obvious she was, but I don't find it hard to believe at all that she was also attracted to you, at least up to the time he kissed you! As you know, some women are accepting and even turned on by that, like me, and for others it is too much or even repulsive. So do you think she is the latter? What was the look on her face when you kissed her? I'm sure she figured it out by then that you are bisexual. It certainly would not be wise to entertain any thoughts of getting involved in any way whatsoever with any of J's employees. That would be akin to dropping a nuclear bomb! hahaha
Babe, when you get back to London, PLEASE make sure that Ana is having a period and that there is no chance she is hiding a pregnancy from you. I'm sorry to always be so suspicious of other women, but there is the slightest chance that she may feel you will want her to abort a pregnancy, and she could possibly try to hide it from you until it is too late. Call me paranoid if you like and I may well be, but if she claims she already had a period and is over it when you get there, I strongly suggest you buy her a pregnancy test and make her take it and just tell her you want to be absolutely sure for your peace of mind. Hopefully she won't go in the bathroom and just run water over it which would show negative results. I know you trust her and are thinking by now that I am just being ridiculous, but she isn't going to want to let you go in two weeks and a baby would keep her bonded to you for life even if you don't live with her. I swear Michael, she is in love with you and that can make a person do some extreme things to try to hold onto someone. I hope you will give some thought to what I have said. After all, even as sweet and charming as she seems to be, you really don't know her yet and what she might be capable of. The guy that abused me and turned out to be a hideous monster in all ways was incredibly charming, kind, charismatic, handsome as all get out, thoughtful, even wrote a beautiful song for me that he played and sung on his guitar and it melted my heart. I fell in love with him and for six months we were in heaven. Then that day on the way to the supermarket, he snapped and changed on me overnight. Did you ever see Fatal Attraction and how Glen Close's character changed and revealed herself? Look. Likely I am way over reacting and I hope she is as sweet as you think she is, but for your sake and to make sure she is being truthful with you about not being pregnant, don't take her word for it, check and verify anyway you can. If she is having a period and you see the proof, then fine and well. If she claims she already did during just one week you were gone, then I would check and verify by having her do a pregnancy test in front of you. I'm just trying to look out for you babe, so please don't get mad at my thoughts on this. I know you will now tell me I'm crazy and off the deep end! LOL I love you and that's for real. Just remember that. :)
Let me end your confusion on your sexual identity. You are bisexual like me! hahaha I also think that like me, you have a heavier leaning towards the opposite sex. I am more so that way than you are as I can only really see myself falling in love with guys, not women, and I want to share my life with a man, not a woman. I leave my mind wide open to possibilities, and there is probably a woman out there somewhere I could fall in love with, but my love of men is so strong. I think you desire a woman over a man when it comes to love and spending your life with the
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I think you would have liked this party. Loads of good looking dudes...of course, I was with the best looking one there...that's no lie. Additionally, they played a lot of music...all New Years themed...about 30 different versions of Auld Land Syne, any other song you can imagine that has the world "New Years" contained within it and all songs that mention New York...i.e.: New York, New York", "New York State of Mind" (my favorite NY song), etc. Well, they played the song by your fav group U2 "New Years Day"...even though it appears to be a song about war and love separated by war. Well, the part where your boyfriend Bono sings " I want to be with you , be with you night and day" J decides to loudly serenade me to those words along with the music on the rooftop and then proceeds to kiss me again on the lips. LOL--I liked it. And I think that sealed the deal as far as any question on his sexuality as far as onlookers were concerned.
I was talking with J about Ana and my strong attraction to her and many other females...he told me he likes for me to talk about this with him and then we can both accept it without hiding anything. He really understands. I told him that I feel so attracted to women...but he is really the only dude I seem to be strongly attracted to now and that I wondered if I am closer to being straight than bi. He laughed and said (warning: pardon the frank and graphic statement).."babe, anyone who loves to s*** c**** as much as you do cannot possibly be straight". LOL! True...and a good point, I must agree. J thinks I am not attracted to other dudes because I have such strong feelings for him. What do you think?
Ana did not divulge much to me. She told me everything was okay and she was not pregnant and I should not worry. J thinks she may have been saying that just so I would not worry and keep asking her. I don't think she likes me asking.
Did you hear from Tony? You realize that Hoboken is about 4 miles outside of Manhattan...the closest suburb to NYC.
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About buying a flat in London. I told her it was very expensive and hard to accomplish unless you have a connection. She said "What was your connection?" I told her my former girlfriend's current and longtime boyfriend had extensive connections and he helped me out at her request. She seemed pleased at that, albeit confused. Then she asked me if I was seeing anyone now. I said "well, what do you think"? She said "I have my suspicions." I said "Are you seeing anyone"? She replied "no one special" Then she said "Let me ask you this way...do you have a girlfriend?" I said "I just started dating a woman in London." And she replied "So, you are not gay then,...I didn't think so." I said "No, not gay" as I continued to leer at her. She liked it too. I couldn't help it. Well, I succeeded at confusing the hell out of her. Then J comes by and drags me away to introduce me to more people. I said to J.." Hey, she is hot and I think she likes me". He said "she doesn't like you she is just trying to get info on me, keep it in your pants, babe". By the time the clock struck midnight, she was standing very close to both J and me...I am sure hoping for a midnight kiss form him...or form me as a consolation. But once J planted the big open mouthed one on me...I heard a muffled "oh my god" and I think it came from her. So I turned around and kissed her on the lips. LOL! J was annoyed. I think I traumatized her for life. No more champagne for me.
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I am leaving in the late afternoon. All direct to London was booked for morning and early afternoon...no surprise with the backlog of flights, so I will be departing later in the day. Works fine for me, only Ana will be fast asleep when I get to my flat, so no sex. J wore me out big time this week so it's just as good I get a 24 hour rest between physical activity. The dude is trying to make me a shitty lover to all but him. Ana is fine. I spoke to her New Years eve and then again yesterday when J was not hovering. She kept telling me she missed me and was "warming my bath"--LOL! Yes, I told her about my bathing fetish and she is all into it! Promised me a back rub, foot massage and other pampering. But, I admit that I will miss J when I leave.
Sounds like you need a better virus protection program. Just use 'google images' to view photos. That should avoid the pop-up porn. The photos of Bridget Hall are gorgeous...though she was much younger in the pix. According to J, she is around his age now, so 34-35. Physically, they would have made a very attractive couple! Only J isn't into females...or blonds.
J told me that he wants to 'show me off' and that he wants to "scream it from the mountain". I still think there were plenty confused people at the party. There will be a lot of water cooler speculation come Monday...that I assured him. Says he doesn't care anymore. Well, good for him. When we first walked in, I could see we were getting looks from the same group that was at the office on Thursday...speculating in their minds. But having bro come with us provided more confusion and was more perplexing for onlookers. People were almost afraid to ask me questions and to male conversation...naturally, nobody questioned J. At one point an uncomfortable guy said "umm...so, do you live in NY?" I replied "yes, but I have lived in London for the past few months". He looked confused. Then piped out "well, how do you know Jeffery?" I could tell he regretted that statement as soon as he uttered it. I replied "Oh we've been friends for a long time, couple of years". He looked relived and said "Oh, okay". I didn't tell anyone that we lived together nor did I express that our relationship was beyond friendship as nobody came out and asked me. But I think when J walked up to me and took me by the hand to introduce me to more folks...that was telling. When he kissed me on the lips at midnight and gave me a bear hug..telling. All eyes were on us, I felt it. He was very proudly introducing me to everyone and you just don't do that with a dude-friend. I met this woman he works with whom J has been telling me about. Apparently, she is very obvious about her attraction for him. J says she is a bit bold and makes it no secret. He had to tell her on more than one occasion that it is not appropriate for him to even have dinner with a "subordinate"...certainly not in his position. He tells me she is great at her job, but he had to tell her to cool it. Anyway, he says she still flirts and throws out hints as to her hopes. She is beautiful so if I were in J's position...I would have succumbed. Anyway, she began to talk to me (J warned me about her). I could tell she was resigned that J was now gay and it all made sense. She looked sad, disappointed. She boldly, unlike the others, began grilling me about J and about our relationship. I kept looking at her...her eyes, her tits I could not help it I felt myself looking her up and down...and she noticed. She knew I wasn't gay and this confused her more. We were talking for about 30 minutes and I found myself flirting...and smiling at her, saying things I should not have been saying (i had a glass of champagne which was a mistake) . So, she says "Remind me again how exactly you know Jeffery". I told her I met him 2-3 years ago. She said "AND"? I said "and what"? and she just smiled, she touched me a lot too, I liked it. She asked me about buying a flat in London and I told her it was very
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. ?? I take it J looked over your shoulder and you had to break off in mid-sentence. LOL I had an entire long paragraph written out to you a minute ago, and then I left for a moment to Google pics of Bridget Hall because I had no idea who she was, and when I did, I clicked on one of the pics of her to enlarge it and a porn window popped up instead and then all hell happened on my computer trying to get rid of it, and I ended up losing what I had already typed out to you, so I'm starting over. Ugh. Jamie was on my computer most of the day playing games, which kind of irritated me, but he seldom does that, so I just read and watched some tv instead. His computer has been down for months. The dream home that HGTV is giving away is in Stowe, Vermont this year. The house, the furnishings, the GMC Denali that goes with it makes the prize package worth over $2,000,000. It's in the Green Mountains and is absolutely fabulous! I sure wouldn't mind winning it. It has a hot tub and fireplace outside with fantastic views. It would make a great little love nest for you to come visit me. :)
Well, I would say J is definitely out now! It is just as well, and I can't imagine anyone would think any less of him. Of course now, maybe some of those nice looking guys that work for him will start flirting with him! haha Just kidding. I'm glad Daniel worked out okay for you, and glad you had a good time. I can tell that J was very proud and happy to show you off to everyone. Nothing wrong with that ...
Well babe, I guess you leave back to London tomorrow morning. I hope you have time to drop me a line before you leave, and can stay in touch while you're over there. Will you still have time or desire to visit Naomi and her son? I bet he misses you bad. Is everything okay with Ana?
--------------------- - 13 years ago
So, this is how the re
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Bro ended up coming...but, luckily, fell asleep there...LOL...so we were able to stay for a long time. He complained...but then relented under duress; and ample bribes. Bro became agitated within the fist hour of being there..so I asked the host if there was a quiet room where he could watch television or use a computer for a while...of course because I came with J he was bending over backwards trying to appease me. So bro stayed in a quiet back room with a tv and computer much of the time ...I checked on him every 1/2 hour. He was quite happy to be away from the crowd. He made an appearance for some food and to chat with me a few times but was pretty much anti-social. That's him! But I think he actually had a better time than he would have at home! Before we left bro said "I don't think I want to go anymore, you tow go without me." J looked at me and said "If Daniel stays home, we stay home." This is why I love the dude. He meant it too. But bro rallied and said he would come so J could see his friends and he thought they would have better food than what we had at home, LOL!
It amazed me how powerful J is at work. Everyone was so solicitous of him, almost abashed and ill-at-ease around him...BUT it is very obvious that he commands a lot of respect from his staff. They were going out of their way to wait on him and be nice to me, bro....and it was like I came to the party with Obama, LOL! Before we left I said "well, if someone asks me if we are dating or if we are "a couple", or if I'm gay or bi...how would you prefer I respond?" J said "say what you want...but if you do not feel comfortable responding...just defer them to me...I can guaranty they will not pose any personal questions of that nature to me." He introduced me in the following manner: "This is Michael and his brother Daniel" as opposed to "these are my friends Michael and Daniel" or "this is Michael and Daniel". this, in my estimation, was a bit of a giveaway. Those who met me already at his work on Thursday were not surprised that J was being escorted to the party by a dude. It must be obvious to those others at the party, as it is obvious to me by the way he looks at me and constantly smiles at me, touches me that he is smitten, big time. I am going to end for the moment as J is still trying to spy. Lots more to reprot. But later :)
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Overall, it was an odd evening. The couple who hosted (the dude works for J) have a nice place in Manhattan equipped with a large roof deck where we could hear the millions of people celebrating in nearby Times Square and see the fireworks. That was pretty awesome. Times Square is a mob scene on New Years so I never go there...besides, you have to get there by early afternoon.
Well, yes...J planted one on me and hugged me, very tightly, at midnight. Yes, I think the cat is out of the bag. He also serenaded me and held my hand at one point. Yes, we got many confused and nervous looks. This is so different than how J presents himself at work. He is the consummate professional and is very tight-lipped about his personal life. He told me on the way home, which turned out to be 4:00 am, that maybe now everyone at work will stop trying to fix him up with their sister, daughter, friend, fashion model (yes, J told me that one of his clients tried to fix him up, many times, with Bridget Hall who is a fashion model...I'd never heard of her...but I looked her up on line and she is hot...she was interested in him, but he declined), neighbor, college roommate, celebrity friend...etc.
Gotta run...J is spying behind me again .....more soon.
Storm - 13 years ago
Happy New Year and Good Morning Michael! Sooooo, did he do it in front of everyone? Is he out now by kissing you? How was the party and did Daniel enjoy it?
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi M., .. I just left Tony a message and gave him my phone number, which I don't give out easily. He lives in Hoboken, NJ so it must be close to the same number of miles separating you and me! :) I would love to play tour guide if he decides to come to New Mexico. I might even show him the ' secret garden '! haha I really like him, and would love for something to develop, but I know he is getting many responses from the ladies, so I don't want to get my hopes up too high. We'll see how it goes. Did you get your call in to Ana? Did it get hot and steamy? Do tell. :) I hope you really enjoy your time at the party. I'll send an air kiss and hug your way at midnight! Love ya, .. Storm
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Yes, we shamelessly bribed bro to come to the party with us. Actually..I made him feel badly telling him J really wanted to go but neither of us wanted to leave him alone. Then I promised to take him to Dylan's tomorrow and watch "Date Night" a, most likely, horrid movie he wants to see that is out on DVD.
We are leaving at 9:30for the party. J seems excited to be escorting me to a private work function. As I said, this is real progress for him!
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LOL--don't think Daniel is interested in a 'peep show' or seeing either of our dicks...he is very heterosexual. J and I spend a lot of time behind closed doors and frequently, I am in my bedroom, alone, doing work as it is quiet in there. Bro is accustomed to just barging in whenever...and he doesn't have the capacity to read those social cues which tell him NOT to do something or not to say something that might be perceived as inappropriate.
Yes, Tony seems like a nice, honest dude. Are you going to let him pass by too? Where does he live...Iceland? Greenland? Indonesia? Is he far enough away that you can think of an excuse as to why you can't meet up with him? He seems like he is interested in traveling...and perhaps in seeing New Mexico...so why don't you invite him? Can't you take a hint? Or are you looking for another reason to NOT meet someone in 3-D and not put yourself out there? Hmmmm? Which is it?
'Go for it' is what I suggest! Invite the dude to your state.
Me? Put up a profile for a dating service? LOL--not sure I actually need it right now. At the very moment that I become celibate for a year or more...I promise to put up a profile!
Storm - 13 years ago
LOL You had better get a lock on that bedroom door when you get back to stay. I really think, not that I actually know of course, that Daniel knows exactly what he's doing when he hears strange noises and moaning coming from your bedroom. I'm sure by now he knows he can get a free peep show without repercussions! hahaha Too funny. Anything I quoted to you from J's twitter came from what I read of the gossip gang discussing his tweets amongst themselves on that same site I am no longer going to. That is how I knew they were spying on the two of you and why I warned you about it. Are you still talking to them?
It is incredibly freezing ass cold outside. It must be in the teens and my ponds are frozen over. There is a breeze making it even worse, .. a wind chill factor going on, so I've decided I'm staying home tonight. I had to go outside a minute ago to let Bo run and pick up doggie landmines, and then feed him, and my cheeks were burning from the cold. That took away my desire to go anywhere. So I will create some fun for myself here, and make a few phone calls to friends. Jamie is staying over at a friend's house, so later I can get out my little friend. :)
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LOL-- I can't say that J is a full ten inches long, he is not...his dick's girth is very impressive and yes, he is long..not much longer than mine but it is the whole entire size...girth and length combined that is impressive. It is by far the biggest male member I have ever had the pleasure of manipulating. I have the length...but not the girth. My width is average...probably above average if you consider my ethnicity ;) But, longer I am...but not as long as J who seems to have everything over me in the 'physical specimen' department. He is like my guy, Tristan in the dick dept. Speaking of J, who is Ryan Reynolds? Oh...I thought you ahd read J's twitter when the bored housewives were obsessed with it...I know you quoted from it...was I mistaken? Hmmmm...wonder if there is a way I could download his twitter page...if it still exists. He told me he no longer uses it.
Back to J's dick....I think I may have mentioned that bro has walked in on us when we are fucking or when we are in the process of ...or just completed a session....Well, one time he walked in...J and I wee both nude, in a compromising position and both aroused. J was very embarrassed. Bro quickly left. So, we thought ..well, he's an adult, he knew what was going on...let's just forget about it. However, a few nights later we were watching a DVD --can't recall the title of the film, but it was a Jane Campion (New Zealand director) film about a mail order bride. The actor who was starring as a mayori tribesman (can't recall his name either) is someone who plays a lot of tough guy, macho, Mafia roles. Well. it had him in full frontal nudity and he was fairly small...so J and I were commenting on how he plays such a macho guy but his dick is less than manly. Bro pipes up and says "yes, it certainly isn't anything like yours Jefferey"! LOL! J turned about 8 shades of red and I was laughing uncontrollably, hysterically for the next hour!
Storm - 13 years ago
My God. I just heard from Tony that lives in Hoboken, New Jersey. You may remember me telling you about him. He is the one guy I am the most crazy about on that date site, and he is so good looking and handsome. The news of what he has been going through just blows me away and is so devastating. This is his message to me:
goldengiant
view all msgs: received from | sent to 12/31/2010 9:42:12 AM
Subject:RE: Hello
Message:MMMM......hope you had good holidays and very happy new year......well for the songs I did put a new one on top listen and let me know what you think of it.....well I have 2 daughters 18-19 both in college one lives home the other on her own.....I been single for 11 years and have no other family other than my daughters......mom n dad and siblings are gone......I work for amtrak as an engineer running and repairing locomotives been doing that for 27 years.....set to retire in a few years.....I have never been to new mexico but I do like traveling.......I went for a bone marrow test and found out I have leukima......Been going thru chemo for sometime now.....however it is in remission and have a good chance to curing it......So at the moment I have all the time to do things I like.....Life is funny changes when you least expect it.....would very much like visiting there just to see the sights.....of course yourself too.....body going thru changes as well.....Well hope to hear from you soon and have a happy new year.....Love Tony.....
He seems like a really nice guy and I feel so bad for him. Did you ever find me on that date site? Are you putting up a profile? Maybe I can finally see what you look like if you do. I would like to get a picture up of myself but I need to buy myself a digital camera and it just isn't a priority at the moment. I wish you could see what Tony looks like. I've seen pictures of many guys, but the minute I saw his, I was captivated, and that is rare for me. It isn't just his good looks, there is a vibe and a feeling I get off of him that just penetrates me and I get the warmest feeling from that. Do you know much about leukemia and what the cure rate is for the victims? I sure hope he stays in remission. He has great taste in music, and the new song he is talking about that he added to his playlist is ' Unchained Melody ' by The Righteous Brothers.
Storm - 13 years ago
Hi honey, .. I knew which part of J's anatomy you were talking about. LOL You had mentioned many months back how well endowed he is. My Kevin was the same way, and I remember my mouth dropped open when I saw how long he was! Hung like a horse! He easily had to be around 10 inches and he was only 5'10", very lean and muscular with a very firm and rounded derriere that looked great in jeans, and his weight was around 165lbs. He was broad shouldered with a very lean waist. I have a picture of his backside and he was just so incredibly masculine and handsome, even rugged looking, with always a nice tan, beautiful blondish brownish hair, and fabulous Richard Gere looking brown eyes. I could always feel him knocking on heaven's door inside me. :) Absolutely by far the best lover I ever had, and I miss him terribly.
I would certainly think there has to be much speculation with his employees as to his sexual orientation. I guess he knows what is in the best interest of his company and clients, but it sounds like he is ready to come out. It is very very hard to hide the look of love in one's eyes, and if people watch him looking at you the way he does, they're going to know with no words even needing to be said. Right? Actually babe, I have never seen the pictures on his twitter as I never knew his last name to Google and find his twitter or facebook, that is if he is on facebook. Did he finally give up his twitter for good? I hope so, otherwise you know who is still glued and spying on him and you. I know he looks like Patrick Wilson or Ryan Reynolds from what you mentioned, and the gossip gang mentioned, so I have an idea. I think those two actors are very nice looking, but I am very attracted to good looking Asian men just like J is, and would pick John Cho over those two. That is the truth, therefore, I know the spark and fire in my eyes would ignite when I lay my eyes on you. That is just the way it is and I know it.
Did you finally convince Daniel to go to the party with you? I wouldn't be surprised if at the last minute he won't go. I kind of suspect he knows how to manipulate you two! LOL Well, it sounds wise of you then to wait till Sunday to depart, and J and Daniel will be most happy about that. J will be giving you good lovin' all the way up to departure time in hopes you have no man juice or drive left to give to Ana. LOL
--------------- - 13 years ago
s/b good "dude".
------------------- - 13 years ago
I was planning to leave for London tomorrow...but with the continued flight back log. (and 3-5 hour waits at the airport on the busy holiday...)..I think I am leaving Sunday morn instead.
------------------------- - 13 years ago
Well, he is angry at me now as for the past 5 days...I have been OCD-ing on the internet seemingly non-stop....for several hours per day! LOL! Dude will get over it. I didn't mean to imply that J has a fat (wide) ass...he does not...he has a nice, firm ass, albeit a bit too hairy for my taste! What I meant to convey that was "larger" and "wider" was the other thing hanging there in the front. Ha ha..I am really telling you waaaaaaay too much.
As far as kissing J at midnight in front of other people...I have no qualms about doing this...none at all. We kiss a lot now...not like a few months back when I was avoiding his lips and his embrace. I am not an overly affection person in public anyway (Is ave all of my affection for the bedroom)...but if it is a midnight smooch...or the occasion calls for it...I am not embarrassed to kiss a dude out in the open. NYC is a pretty accepting environment. J has had female 'friends' go to social functions with him at work....very beautiful women...just so he did not have to attend alone. He tells me that he feels most of the people at his work assume he dates a lot of different women and chooses not to be tied down. I am not so sure. I have to assume there is at least some speculation that he is gay or bi. As you know (you saw his twitter photos) he is very good looking and has a nice, tall, physique, plenty of cash, heads a large company....he would be married to 'the perfect woman' by now...or at least certainly exclusively dating her! Well, he tells me that he will kiss me on the lips at midnight and he does not care what rumors get started and what his employees think. As I wrote, this is major progress for him! He just sold off a large chunk of shares as well so no longer are there big concerns what this type of publicity can do to damage his image. His company is very image conscious and having a hunky CEO helps greatly...but when said CEO is openly gay...while not a bad thing...it does mean readjusting and re-identifying your brand, your client base. I hope you understand what I'm saying. It doesn't bother me at all that he is closeted at work...doesn't offend me in the least...not my business. But I know it would offend a lot of other dudes if they were in my position. I think if he thought I would remain with him forever, he would not care at all and display me, our relationship, proudly. I think he gave himself away, a bit, on Thursday when he asked me to come into work with him to track some of his computer stuff and clean up one of his systems. He introduced me as "This is Micheal"...not "a friend helping me out with our computer system" or "my friend visiting from London"...he introduced me by my first name only which implies in and of itself, a relationship of sorts. And I could tell more than a few people were confused and curious. He also touched me more than a male would touch another male...placing his arm on my shoulder and across my back when escorting me to his office or to the conference room. I feel it was fairly obvious. I also noticed he has a bunch of young, good looking dudes working for him...LOL! I am sure THAT was intentional!
I decided I will call Ana around midnight London time and wish her a Happy New Year. J thinks I should stop asking her about her period as there is really no much I can do about it here and it might make her feel anxious. Nice of him to be concerned with her...and it was very sincere. Yes, he is a good due.
Storm - 13 years ago
Good Morning Hot Stuff! LOL You make me laugh and turn me on at the same time! I love all the sexy talk. Maybe this party would be the perfect opportunity for J to come out. At least he doesn't have to worry about being fired! LOL His willingness to kiss you in front of everyone means he feels proud to be with you, loves you of course, and it would be wonderful for him to finally feel free to be himself in front of the world. I think he is so head over heals for you that he will indeed kiss you! I wish I could watch. :)
I am thinking that I may decide to go have a nice dinner out somewhere, and then decide after that if I feel like doing more. I would normally take my friend Vanessa with me, but she was in a horrific traffic accident about a month ago, where all her ribs on her right side were broken, and her lung was punctured in two places, so she is at home healing. I haven't stepped foot in a club in years, and I don't know if I can really get myself to go into one of those places, especially by myself. I wish I knew some gay people I could just go party with and have a good time. I don't have a single gay friend, and my other friends have no idea that I'm bi. Sooooo, I'll probably just decide to come home after dinner and get comfy to watch the Times Square ball drop.
Have you talked to Ana yet? Just wondering and hoping there is some good news. Are you leaving in the morning or evening tomorrow to head back to London?
I am so excited about Ana coming back. I told her I'd be in the office late since I was up until 5:00 am and never made it in here until after noon. Sooooooo, I instructed her to come to my place directly from the airport...call me when she reaches there.....and she must be completely stripped down and in that certain position on top of the sheets of my bed. Take a guess what I am going to do to her first... ;)
LOL! I promise you that J will not kill me or even lay a finger on me. He is non-violent and pacifistic in nature...and he never even raises his voice! He does not have suicide tendencies at all! There would be apparent signs of depression and I would take notice. It would be obvious to me; and keep in mind when you read these accounts of these wicked men who go on a jealous rampage...or commit murder/suicide, what-have-you......there are always signs and there are always people who knew something was "off" or "odd" or some "quiet fury" etc. It is the dumb bystanders or the ignorant parents in denial who never know what's going on or never take notice. This weekend was the first time I saw him do anything that was even remotely exhibiting a lack of control and that was when he flung his carry on bag against my wall in the LR when I was being aloof and disinterest in regard to his little tryst. Even then, he tossed it like a girl, LOL! It was better than a slap which I would have received from him if he were female. These men who do these heinous things have underlying, low simmering mental health issues. J is very normal and very mentally healthy. Trust this. He did NOT utter something in the neighborhood of "If I can't have you nobody will" etc. And how I wrote it does not convey how he said it or it's context. What he said was this: "I will not let you go, not now, not ever" and it was in response to me telling him that I am not the right dude for him, and despite what he did...which was dishonest...he still deserves better and if he lets me go...he can find that person to make him fulfilled and truly happy. Someone who is worthy of him. This is what I told him. Then I told him if he let me go it may be the best thing for him. Hence, his response. The comment Naomi made about his being obsessed is a bit true. I hate to admit it as it seems arrogant on my part...but he is really very much in love with me to a completely infatuated level. I meet all of his criteria: very smart, highly educated, bisexual, the breed he likes (1/2 Asian or 1/2-Asian-looking), tall, slender, insatiable sexual appetite, good lover (his words), fiercely independent, challenging... I do not, at all, think it is at a clinical obsession level by any means. He is just all-consumed by his love. That's him. That is how he is made. I have experienced this phenomena with women as well. I think a lot of it is the fact that I am not the pursuer in relationships...I am a flirt...but mostly I am the one being pursued. This is not to sound vain..it is just the truth, not my opinion. This is how it is for me with both mend and women. I think it is because I am very sexual and expressive during intimacy and my partners happen to love that. It is not my sparkling personality or my muscular build that wins them over...trust me!
Another thing to remember...Naomi and Ana are good friends. She loves Ana and would like to see us both together so her opinion runs the risk of being a bit tainted.
Hi babe, .. It is no surprise at all to me that she loves you. I could see it coming a hundred miles away. I can't blame her nor do I dislike her because of it. You are lovable plain and simple and she is making you happy and giving you the good loving and care that I wish I was giving to you. I know she is sweet, kind and loving so give her an extra hug and kiss for me. I love her for loving you and taking good care of you.
When J tells you he won't let you go, it kind of scares me. But he would let you go if it came to that wouldn't he? I mean obsessive love can turn violent and scary, just like in the case of O.J. Simpson. Just like Naomi is picking up, sometimes his behavior seems so desperate and very very much obsessive about you. Please be aware of any warning signs popping up if he gets any worse than he already is, because it feels to me like he is on the edge of losing control. There are numerous stories of obsessed people killing the person they are losing and then killing their own self. You know what I'm talking about, and I'm sure you think right now there is no danger of that, but I am starting to get an uneasy feeling that if you did break off completely with him, something horrible may happen, .. could be he would kill himself if not you with him. I'm sure you think I am 'out there' again, and I hope that is true, but nevertheless honey, just keep a close eye on his behavior. Even the smartest, brightest and kindest of people have ended up doing shocking violent things.
Okay, I'm getting lots of tweets this morning from my girl. She told me she is still writing and working on that narrative she wants to give me, but it's taking awhile because she has to stop and cum every now and then! hahahaha It's definitely another fantasy she is having about me! haha She really is so sweet and makes me laugh. Ohhhh, and she gets me all hot and bothered too. My little friend is getting quite the workout.
J left already. Of course we had to talk about this issue, ad naseum, or he was not going to give me a moment's peace. I told him that he is human and flawed like the rest of us and that these things happen and to move on. He told me "they do not happen to me and not when I am so in love with someone else." He was a blubbering and overly apologetic, and still very devastated by his actions. I tried to absolve his guilt, but to no avail. He feels like a failure...that he failed at "us". I told him to stop being so hard on himself...and to stop always trying to be so goddamn perfect. I think what bothers him most is that he now realizes that he really doesn't have the leverage anymore to question me, to accuse me to insinuate that I may be screwing another dude..or hiding a tryst. Because he did it first. He also realizes that I am the trustworthy one and that he has no ammunition to even request that I not see other dudes, certainly not women...I won't be with other dudes because I have no desire to and I choose not to. But, he now knows that he cannot request this of me. I told him that this proves that an exclusive would not work for us right now. He disagrees. He claims that if we were in a committed relationship that this never would have happened...says it is not an excuse...but he feels we are somewhat tenuous and he has given me his heart but it is hanging out there...still partially unclaimed..and it makes him very vulnerable. I told him that, perhaps, I am not the right dude for him then and he needed someone who will give him the security and stability he wants in a relationship ...he told me "I want YOU. Period. Nobody else. I will never want anyone but you to be the partner in my life. I love you beyond measure and I will not let you go, not now, not ever." Having said that he told me that if I do get more serious with Ana (he knows she told me she loved me), he still wants to be with me despite that and told me he will not stand in my way and will take whatever part of me I will give him, same goes if something happens with Elizabeth (though that scenario is exceedingly remote). As I shared with you many times, he is physically awesome looking in every imaginable way and very sexy... and a great and satisfying lover...so for me to break off w/ him and eventually find another dude who pales in comparison (J is also kind, intelligent, good to bro...) would be stupid and self-destructive on my part. And now I can freely and liberally see women if I like (and I do like...) and he won't balk. I will tell you more about the specific info about this kid, 'Roberto' he was with. But i need to get some work done. I am very excited to see Ana this evening. She sent me a sexy message this morning so I know what's in store for me later... ;)
You never commented when I answered your question about Ana professing that she loved me. Do you disapprove?
I love you, always will ....... ~~~
You need not regret telling me what happened with J. I will never mention it to anyone, and I know he is only human and still a good person. I don't think I really think less of him, but won't set him on quite as high a pedestal. How's that? If he had hurt you, then I would feel differently. I'm glad for this knowledge because I have a better and closer idea now as to what you look like, and I know your looks will slay me and make me all hot for you. Your momma made a hot lookin' babe.
btw, I'm teasing you.
Or do you mean what is 'south of the border'...ohhhhh, yes... I like that one too. Nasty and hot. :)
Off to slumber....Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....
Huh? Escalator? You lost me! What? hahahaha This girl is posing against a baby grand piano! For real! hahahaha And then she's on the floor showing what is east of Eden! hahahaha
I am going to bed shortly and then going into work late tomorrow, noonish. J is up as he is on EST, still, so I cannot sleep. He is leaving tomorrow. And yes, I have to change the sheets again before Ana arrives home, and I changed them after she left and before J's arrival ...3rd time in 4 days...LOL! J and I talked a lot and now I wish that I had not told you or anyone else about his tryst. It is a very long story and I will share soon when I have time to type a lot. He is a very nice dude, nothing will change that...he really is and now Naomi hates him and so does Sheila. But I don't even care about the dalliance! He will not be pressuring me anymore or trying to call the shots or continue to say disparaging things about my female aqauintances. We have a new udnerstdning and he adopted a new attitude. I have to gve him credit...he knows he lost any chance at a full commitment (NOT that I was headed that way) and he has backed off. More later on that.
Yes, I stand by my assertion that what you are is certainly is bi-curious. How many lesbian relationships have you had? And with your dating service, you are seeking men...not women. And you had one brief or maybe two licking episodes with women years and years ago...nothing since. C'mon! You are bi-curious, ma dear. After you've been with some women (more than one...and in the last decade) come back and we will reassess. But, just because you look at lesbian porn and pussy tease this women...it means squat to me as far as declaring yourself bisexual, LOL! Yes ...and too bad you never met up with me...because you would have my e-mail (though it is through work so it is monitored and very dangerous to send porn), my cell number, my address and possibly my heart. Too bad for you, ma dear,that you never met with me after my numerous offers...my life situation didn't seem to scare Ana away. I keep forgetting...you don't want to hurt J, the cheater..LOL!
So my favorite picture of her is the one on the escalator. Which is yours? ;)
Hi M., .. It's pretty obvious then, that J's goal is to turn you off to the women you are with. I'm glad he doesn't actually hate women. Is he leaving tomorrow morning then, and Ana gets back in the evening? Your bed sheets won't even have a chance to get cold ! haha So what's going on with J, and did you enjoy his visit? How many more weeks do you think you will be in London?
Well, whatever I am, I sure like watching lesbian porn and talking sexy and dirty to this lady of mine who is more than happy to talk sexy and dirty back to me, as well as back it all up with nude pictures of herself! :) She is actually wearing black stockings with a black garter belt, and black thigh high shiny patent leather boots and nothing else! Too bad I don't have an email address for you, or I could forward them to you! haha you lose! I also like kissing girls and playing with their bodies. So I'm just bi curious? Okay. Maybe so, maybe not. :)
Hmmmmm....my gut feeling as well as my sensibilities tell me that you are most assuredly bi-curious, but I would never categorize you as bisexual. Not quite yet anyway.
Just sayin'
LOL-I don't believe Ana is bisexual. She has not shared that with me and it never occurred to me to ask...though it would not bother me at all..it would make no difference whatsoever, in fact. I think she would feel quite comfortable confronting me if this were the case. I do not see that French women...or the French women I have known...have a higher case of bisexualtiy..LOL! Wherever did you hear this? J is not misogynistic at all. I think he really quite likes women and has an awesome relationship with his former fiance. She is married now but they are still very close. He tells her everything and she calls him constantly. They are like best friends. Frankly, I feel she never quite got over him after she was devastated at the alter when he could not marry her upon his announcement and realization of his sexual orientation. ...and I feel she is still in love with him. J visits her even and stays at their house...with her husband! LOL! She is stunningly gorgeous.....Bengali/English mix. I have only seen pictures., but wow! ..and J has some allegiance toward her...a connection. I think he loves her very much...perhaps not romantically...but he adores her nonetheless. He is very insulting only to woman with whom I am involved and that pisses me off. I never hear him say disparaging things about women unless s it is someone I am with or a women who shows interest in me. He called Tara a c*** a few times; said that Bea was "attractive enough" but looked "her age" Upon seeing Elizabeth's photograph he said "she is very pretty, but I would not say beautiful by any stretch of the imagination, she looks rather gangly and undernoursished" , and he called Ana a bitch and inferred she was my whore because we are involved sexually. He can shove his sexist and jealous comments up his hairy, but firm and awesome looking arse. Never heard him say these thing about other women with whom I am not involved. It is that the women I am with threaten him...not at all because they are women...but because he feels they might take his place and he will be brushed aside.He knows how strong my attractive to women is. They could be dudes and he would say worse, trust me. So, to answer your question, no...I do not feel J hates women...I actually think he rather likes women quite a bit and gets along very well with them. He hires very young and attractive women to work for him. VERY. I have seen them!!!!
Oh wow. Your description of both J and Ana as lovers makes me wish I could experience both of them. That is of course, if J wasn't gay, and Ana happened to be bi. Is she? Have you ever asked if women interest her? From what I've heard, a lot of French women are into that. I have a whole lotta French in me from my paternal Grandpa Anton who was full 100% French. Maybe that is where my bi comes from! haha Swedish women, I wonder how many of them are bi or lesbian? Any idea? Speaking of bi, I have gotten several tweets already from her today, expressing how sweet she thinks I am, and that she loves and misses me. Knowing of course that J is completely gay, does he now kind of hate women? Are you picking up a real attitude and dislike from him that he kind of hates women? Just curious because his remarks have not been so kind, yet he was engaged to that one.
I forgot to tell you that I have a date this next weekend for dinner and a movie with a guy named Dennis that I met on the date hookup site. He lives way opposite side of town in a community called Los Lunas which is more country like than Albuquerque. Rio Rancho is pretty country like still as well, which I love. Dennis is Hispanic and his looks are very average and do nothing for me at all, but he is the first guy to offer up dinner and a movie when others only want to meet for a cup of coffee, so he just scored points with me for being willing to spend a little money on me sight unseen, when others are so cheap and wary. He tells me he has a good feeling about me. I wrote back and told him I am very easy going and find humor in almost everything, so be prepared to laugh. For me, this is kind of a test run to see how I do on my dating skills because I haven't done this in a long time. He's my test guinea pig! haha I want to see how I come off. I plan to joke and it keep the atmosphere light, and it should go well as long as he doesn't get too touchy feely and expect sex afterwords because that won't happen. No kiss afterwords either. Maybe a very light hug and pat on the back with a big and sincere " thank you for a lovely evening", that is unless he blows it and comes on too strong. Then I'll make a hurried exit and get the hell out of Dodge!
Yes, she has told me she loves me and more than once. I have not reciprocated the sentiment. She tells me she understands that what we have is not heading toward love, but she is compelled to share her feelings with me nonetheless. And I liked hearing it. I like that she is accepting of me and not wanting to change me like J (J does not say he wants to change me and I do believe he loves me as I am...but I know he would like me to be different in so many ways). I like that she freely admits this without seeking some type of reassurance from me. I know Damn well that it is, mostly, because of the stage of our relationship and that there is a good chance she would change and expect me to commit eventually and return the sentiment. But I love this stage where everything is new and not fractured or frustrated.
I cannot answer who is a better lover. I cannot even answer who I enjoy making love to more. I know J and his body so well and he is a very adept and masterful lover. He is rugged and physical with his technique which is how I like it with a man. He knows how to perform that act I love on me and is VERY skillful at that. He can be sensual...but I tend to like it vigorous and rougher with him and that is a huge turn on for me. I cannot complain about our sex life one iota. Ana is more subdued ...probably because of her gender...but very wiling to please me and she is slower and more gentle with her gyrations which is arousing too...and more tender; and I love her body...touching her tits and sucking her nipples makes me very aroused. With J...he does these things to simply please me and that he does...very erotic. With Ana...when I do things to please her , play with her body, it almost makes me come again right there and then along with her...even without penetration or direct stimulation....just her reaction does it. They are both very different. But today I am missing her most and wanting to touch her. She is newer to me than J and we are at that awesome, fantastical, infatuated stage.
Lots to report about J. Later as I am busy with work stuff now. He is beating himself up about this fuck up.
M., .. Who do you enjoy most when it comes to the lovemaking, Ana or J? Which one fulfills you the most? Just curious.
Hi M., .. I like hearing whatever you're thinking about so don't worry about what you say, okay? I grew up with parents who were full of compassion, kindness, and thoughtfulness. Those are generally the given trademarks of small town people. My dad would never pass up stranded people on the roadside. He kept tools in the family car and I remember a number of times of all of us waiting in the car while he helped fix a vehicle problem for a stranger, and he would always pick up a hitchhiker even with all of us in the car. The goodness came back to him big time when he had a heart attack and was laying in the hospital. It was harvest time and his friends and town people harvested our crops without being asked at the expense of their own farm equipment, gas expense, delivered the grain into the elevator storage bins and then handed my dad the grain tickets. That is making me tear up. One day delay on getting the crops in could mean they get destroyed by a hail storm so what they did for us is beyond word expression. My mom would cook up meals for people and friends who were sick, or who just lost a loved one. Being kind and compassionate is what I was taught pretty much every day of my life. More times than I like to think about, .. it has come back to bite me in the ass. I wasn't aware that it attracts the needy, the losers, and the takers. I've learned the hard way. I'm a little wiser now but still not immune to attracting all of the above. If I was with you, it wouldn't have even been necessary to tell me all those things you like because I would have been doing that for you automatically. Kevin never hinted or ever asked me to run a bath for him or to bathe him, massage him or cook for him. I was always thinking one step ahead of what would make him feel good or what he needed. That is second nature and common sense to me as well as a desire in my heart to show love to those I care about.
Has Ana said "I love you" yet? She will if she hasn't already. How are things with J ? What happened when he made it back to your place?
I should have mentioned that I believe Ana is this type of woman as well. When she asked me what I liked sexually I told her (I am not shy about my desires) and then added my other desires: I sheepishly told her I would love for her to bathe me and wash me and pamper me, massage my feet, wash my hair, cook for me, rub me down...I was waiting for an 'eye roll' or a laugh, or for her to take umbrage at the mere suggestion....but she only said "I would love to take care of you like this, it would be my pleasure darling". Ooohhh baby!! She also likes to try to please me sexually even before I attempt to please her. I feel like a neanderthal admitting that I like this...it turns me on. Okay...I don't know why I even bother telling this to you at all! I guess it takes my mind off my other issues. Miss Ana a lot.
I think you attract those who are very in need of...or desire nurturing types. This woman might need the love and affection via sex of a warm, caring nurturing type. I know all of the woman I have been very attracted to or have loved have not necessarily been the most beautiful (not to assume that you fall into that category, ma dear, as I am sure you are quite appealing to the eye), but more of the nurturing, emotionally mindful and (for lack of a better word) mothering types. I was raised by a very nurturing and strong mother and we always had a solid relationship...still do. So for me it is not that I am seeking a mother figure...I guess I just like that type of woman, so I can see others also being attracted to nurturers. Both Bea and Elizabeth were big time nurturers and I even remember an old gf from years past about whom I was quite smitten was also of this ilk. So, I believe this woman with the grandiose accounts of her lifestyle is really just looking for a little love.
I don't believe Leukemia alone can render a man impotent, per se. But Chemo is a powerful drug and can certainly render a man sterile and a woman infertile. Though I don't believe fertility is a concern for him. Chemo takes a toll on your body as well as your bodily and system functions. It makes you tired, ill..it kills the bad cancer cells but along with that, kills some healthy ones as well. I think by "love life" he may not necessarily mean 'sex life'. He may fear that being ill, tired, convalescing...a woman may choose not to be romantically involved with him. That's my take.I find this sad if he feels this way. Poor dude. There are many kinds of blood cancers, leukemia...and I want to prepare you that there is one from that middle-aged-to-elderly people acquire and it is quite deadly and incurable. I am not saying he has this type or you need ask him, just be prepared. But, sick or not...this man deserves love too, yes? We cannot be scared of taking a chance because someone may die. What does this say about us as a human race? About compassion? Sorry for the unsolicited opinion.
Oh boy! Nothing has changed, I just got this tweet from her which I am copying and pasting here, and I have to admit it made me smile:
Twitter
No matter HOW.busy I.am, know that you are ALWAYS on mind,.and.that I love you INSANELY!
Hi M, .. He is EXTREMELY insecure with your relationship and you are dead on that everything he has been saying and doing lately, even the party happenings on New Years Eve, are all geared towards trying to get you to declare your undying love and loyalty back to him. He is dying for you to tell him that you love him and no others. He was hoping you would be jealous as hell that he was with another and probably shocked at your lack of caring about his little tryst. He will now be worried about your feelings for Ana, and of course you didn't respond the way he wanted you to when he put her down. You were suppose to agree with him, and then he would feel rest assured that nothing emotional or affectionate was developing that would threaten his place in your heart and life. I think Naomi has a point that he is obsessed with you, and reflecting back to the very beginning when he re-entered your life, look at the extremes he went to, .. to be with you, flying clear across the country just to spend a day or two with you. This obsession has been there all along, and I'm flashing back now to what Sheila once said about how you will have a hard time getting him to ever move out. I fear his insecurities are only going to grow and he will get even worse at trying to dominate all your time and manipulate you so you can't be with others. This isn't looking good and I think he is going to smother you and try to force your affection out of you. Fasten your seat belt, you may be in for a bumpy ride! LOL
I get exactly what you were telling me in the beginning, and you're right, now that I think of it, that can't possibly be the right guy. I've only heard from my gf one time so far today so she must be extremely busy, either that or she is realizing that she has told me too much about herself and is now backing off some, because the last few days she was leaving me tweets through out the day, so it seems unusual now that there has been only one. Frankly, it would be a bit of a relief if this ends or dies down to just an occasional response from her. I looked at it as just a sexual verbal escapade, and if she showed up here, yes I would meet her and maybe do a fun little thing with her, and like and love her as I do my other friends, but any thought of an actual romance, yikes! That is new territory that sends a shiver up my spine. I honestly don't know if I am cut out for that one, and I think that is what she wants.
Good news! I heard back from Tony a little while ago, and it was really sweet, and he gave me his cell number and said this will be a two way street with communication. He also said he is worried what this disease is going to do to his love life. Do you know if leukemia can render a guy incapable of having sex? It would not stop me from loving him and wanting to spend my life with him, even if he couldn't, but I know the thought of that happening would probably be more devastating to him than to me. It is the emotional, mental, and spiritual bond that is most important to me.
Well, I'm sure that was J back at your door, and I hope whatever is going down won't be an emotionally draining roller coaster ride for you, and that you can work things out with him. My love and good thoughts are with you ...... ~~~
So I guess when J asked: "Do you care if I see him again?" it wasn't actually a question asking whether I would grant permission for him to see this other dude, but more asking me if it would bother me if he saw him again. He WANTS it to bother me! I think he WANTS me to be pissed about this sexual episode ( 3 times in a row...J's magic number) to show that I care...LOL...isn't that crazy?? Naomi thinks he is obsessed with me and it scares her. She thinks he will fight tooth and nail to manipulate me into staying with him at all cost. Not sure I agree with that. No spell check...sorry...door bell again...UGH!!!!
Your reluctance to not reveal this woman's twitter concerns me if you think there are other eyes reading here now. That scares me. I was so tired and depressed and wrote some things last night re: my speculations about J's dalliance that I regret as I know I must have had the wrong dude. Okay? Let's just say I was too hasty in assuming he was the one with J. Do you understand this? What I am telling you?
Weeeeelllll...our little talk did not go so well and now J is pissed off and went for a "walk"...LOL! Brings back memories. My parents fought now and then and when we lived in London dad would always pause and then quietly announce, as mom when she was bitching him out, that he was going or a little walk. He'd come back 3 hours later usually smelling of liquor, LOL! Poor guy...never heard him raise his voice, ever. Mom only raised her voice at him when they fought..which was not often.
J told me what I knew...the same way bro told me. He left out the salacious details. He was crying. I felt badly for him and told him it was "fine, cool...all is forgiven." He insisted on telling me the details to make himself feel better...and kept asking me to ask him questions and he will reveal all. I told him I did not care and I had no questions and to forget about it. He didn't like that. This was our conversation in a nutshell:
J: Do you want to know why I did it ?
me: "no"
J: Do you want to know what we did together?
me: no.
J: Did this hurt you?
me: no
J: Do you still trust me
me: Sure, I guess.
J: Do you care if I see him again
me: not really, just be honest about it.
At that point, he picked up his carry on bag and flung it across my living room, got up, told me he was going for a walk and then left. What the fuck? I think I let him off easy. He should be happy...not pissed. Prior to this episode he was asking me about Ana saying he was glad she was keeping me company here and then said "I hope she is being a good little whore for you". That made me a bit angry. I told him to temper his comments or keep his fucking mouth shut. He said : "Damn it , Michael...I was kidding don't tell me you have feelings for her. Are you in fucking love with this bitch"? That sent me fuming. I told him not to refer to her as a "bitch" and that I did, indeed, having feelings for her. I told him "You know I'm not gay and you can't change that...all of the money in the world and the slick moves and the shrewd maneuvering won't change that fact." Then he told me he was in love with me more than he has ever been with anyone and that he refuses to let me go, he said "It's not gonna happen, babe". Then we went on to the question/answer portion of the conversation above. I am a little pissed now because I am really busy this weekend and he is throwing all of his emotional garbage at me. I cannot deal. I need to work and then I really need to sleep. I hope eh is pissed enough to stay at a hotel.
Sorry to report this crap. I told Naomi too (she is very disappointed in J) and I told Sheila who is supporting me...and they both really like J too. Gotta run and get some work done.
I hope Tony is okay health-wise and he gets in touch soon. He sounds like a good dude. Maybe don't mention your bi stuff to him just yet in case he is a bit old fashioned. Just a suggestion. I really wish Ana was here. She could give me a bath and massage. That would be awesome right now........
You have the right kid. The proof : He looks just like you! It's the environmental mushroom thing J has talked about, right? One way you can really get proof positive, .. don''t say anything to J, just run the mushroom clip loud enough for J to hear it playing on your computer! I bet he will turn pale as a ghost! Your insight into J and his motives and his ways and behavior is extremely spot on, keen and sharp. I'm relieved there is no need for me to say anything because you see it exactly as it is and I am glad for that. From there, you do whatever it is you need and want in your life, especially if it's working for you. When that ceases, then you will know it's time to make a change.
Tony is straight and has his profile up for people to see. He won't create any buzz. I don't know if this girl is out of the closet or not and she runs a high profile company. I just want to be sure I do her no harm. I still don't know her company name or even her real name yet, and she has my email so knows my last name but not my first name. She likes to call me Boo or Storm. I call her various pet names. She contacted me first privately on twitter and it began from there. We hit it off as soon as we confessed we were both bi, and the sex talk began immediately fast, furious and deliciously appetizing! LOL Then she sent seven very provocative nude photos of herself, and I haven't stopped thinking about sex ever since! :) I look at her photos on my email at least half a dozen times a day and then go say hello to my little friend if Jamie isn't around. :) Do you still remember my twitter name? The avatar picture looks just like me only my hair is lighter looking now, more blondish/brownish. If you open an account then follow me and put a little picture of yourself up and I'll follow you back. Any weirdos show up, you can delete and block them. I really enjoy twitter and finding new people to follow and there are many twitter sites that follow news reports and leave briefs or a quick comment about a topic, and I really enjoy the comical and humorous comments. I think I have 203 people following me now.
I assume that was J at your door, so you are probably getting some good lovin' as I'm typing this. Enjoy, .. wish I could watch and maybe partake! Love ya.
It sounds like this relationship with this female is more fantasy than anything else. Harmless I suppose. But why did you print Tony's info here and not hers? I don't get it. I might open up a twitter just to look her up and read yours too. I had one a long while ago...but began getting really weird messages from people. Then they began looking me up at work and it got scary and ugly. But, anyway...I might go back on at some point.
I rather disagree that I have to let J confess. Why? So he feels better? I am the one who was betrayed, not him. I think he realizes that he had this abject mistrust of me...and I am really the one who is trustworthy...not him! This bothers him. He cannot call the shots now. But, I forgive him and as I said, I am not at all jealous. I mean...I knew about it when I was home for Christmas and New Years and we had frequent and amazing sex...so it doesn't affect me in that sense. Mistakes happen. I forgive him. He brought me to the work party to prove that we were solid, to himself...and to me. He thought that would make me stay with him in case this episode of his caused me to stray as well...and Naomi is correct..it is a form of control. He is calculating and methodical and rarely is he impulsive. He knows how to get what he wants and how to prevail. He is smart and can plan and estimate a situation in order to achieve his goal. Rarely does J slip up. But he is damn good looking and the best lover I've ever had so maybe we both deserve each other. If I leave him I won't find someone who looks like him who loves like him and who is so devoted to bro. I feel trapped a bit...he has successfully fostered my dependency.
This is probably the wrong kid..I only searched by what little info I had. So let's assume for arguments sake that this "Alex" is not really who J was with and I am totally off-base. I never should have expressed my opinion and my faulty detective work here on this public board which you feel is unsafe as I am very wrong about it being him. I was so tired. Okay? Sory to drag you into my depression. I really am.
Guess who is here now ringing my bell......
Hi M, .. You sound much better, even though you still have much on your mind. It may be your 'look' that first attracted J to you, but he truly thinks he is in deep love with you and he will profess that to you as long as you are together, and there is no doubt it is sincere. I am sure you have the right guy, Alex. I think J is going to confess to you this weekend whether you like it or not. I don't think he can carry this burden and guilt any longer, so why not let him talk so you two can air any problems you are starting to have with each other. You are so use to having someone around you now, that I'm not sure you can handle being alone. The stillness can be deafening, so maybe it is good he will be there to keep you company.
Follow your heart when it comes to Elizabeth. When you get back home, pursue this and ask J to do what he can to get you info on her. Sure, he won't want to, but he will if you insist. Try hard to find out whether she is still married before you send your letter. If she is still married, then perhaps you should keep your letter brief, apologize, keep it as J suggested, down to two or three lines. On the other hand, if you find out she is separated or divorced, then pour your heart and feelings out to her and go get your lady! :) You've suffered long enough, honey. You need answers and you need closure. Don't let J or anyone or anything stand in your way. Okay amigo? J is scared to death and will continue to discourage you, .. well that is his problem. Choose the fate that is right for you.
My gf told me yesterday that she is writing out something for me to read and it will take awhile. Besides talking privately on twitter, we go to Yahoo messenger to talk privately when we have more to say to each other. She had left me a little fantasy scenario where she envisioned her and I walking along the shoreline in front of her beachfront home in our string bikinis hand in hand and we stop and kiss each other. There were other details she put in the story. So I'm guessing that whatever she is writing out must be another fantasy thing. Maybe this time we will be stranded on a deserted island with just a can of whipped cream and a jar of maraschino cherries!
I sent Tony a message day before yesterday, and it is showing that my message is still unread. I sure hope it isn't because he is in the hospital or having chemo treatments, which I believe he may still be undergoing. I was talking to a friend that watched her brother in law go through it and what it does to a person. I feel so sad for him. I wish you could see how good looking and athletic he is in his picture. I think you would have the hots for him, and I was mesmerized the minute I laid eyes on him. He had mentioned that his body is going through changes, so I imagine he is dropping weight. Wish I could cook for him and take care of him. Maybe someday I will and I would love that.
I hope you have a good day babe. All my love, ... Storm
Sorry to blather on and on. How is your kinky gf? Maybe she can fly her jet to meet you and then you two can enjoy some in-air entertainment.
Ana gone until Monday evening. Wished she had not left me. But such is life. I am so busy at work anyway......I am going to be off line soon. Ana left me her computer which was nice....but I have to focus over the next weeks or I'll never get out of here. Unfortunately, J insisted on coming here today. Not up for the 'talk'. Told him I was busy and have no time for anything but work. He said"that's okay...I just want to be closer to you".
I apologize. I was feeling very depressed yesterday and last evening. I wished that I had never mentioned the entire thing about J and this episode. IT isn't because it bothers me...it really doe snot. what bothers me is that if I looked differently...I don't mean better or worse....but had light hair, anglican features...for example..he would not have pursued me. It is strange. Even his last bf who was 1/2 korean resembled me. And then once I began to tell everyone about this issue with J, let it out, it began to bother me.I know he tried to confess and I would not let him...and I know he was let down on his hold on me as he feels he knows that he is one who betrayed.He is scared. Naomi, who has a very kindly and sweet nature, is rip shit at him, LOL! I was surprised at her lack of forgiveness. The way she explains it is..he is controlling me and placed restrictions on me about other men, and then the first chance he has to seduce a young entrepaneur-- who is probably relying on his support for his co---he ceases the opportunity! Okay...I don't know that I agree with that take. She also seems to think he could have done this before only he has to come clean this time because of Daniel. He was basically caught...even f he lied to Daniel and kept claiming he only fell asleep....why was he at his hotel? Why did he go there int he first place? Anyway, that is her take. She feel J knows that he can't get away with it.
I felt very alone with Ana gone, J.... I just didn't miss as much (And it is not because of the issue w/ him cheating)...it is more that I feel like it isn't really me he wants but more of a certain concept of a man, who is fiercely independent, challenging, the elusive pony not able to be corralled...and I have the look he likes. Oh yes, all of his subjects are very slim and tall as well. Do you know how hard it is to find tall Asians or even 1/2 Asisans lol? Maybe that is why he crossed over to include South Americans! I am tall only because my father was very tall. My mother is typically small. Koreans and Japanese tend to be taller than Chinese and Taiwanese. His 1/2 Korean bf was tall and also very similar looking to me (but much better looking) Also...all of this stuff I looked up is really still speculation..I only found it by the company info J provided a while back.I can't say this is the dude for sure. But after talking to bro about the specifics..it seems to fit. So, I was all alone and just feeling depressed and sorry for myself, I suppose.
I may be imagining this too, but I know J--- and he was all supportive about Liz when I first began obsessing about her...and then all of a sudden he stopped. He began to become demanding, wanting me to make these promises to him or lose him. And became unsupportive again when I talked about her. I think he may know something. For example, his company does background checks for new employees and I am sure they pull public records. He could easily at the push of a button find out if Elizabeth is separated or divorced, if she moved, etc. When I was home for Christmas/New Years I said "I should send that letter to Liz" and he replied "are you still on that kick"? I said "yes, I have been on it for a few years". He replied "Well don't send it around the holidays, that is a terrible time, wait until the holidays are over, until you are back here for good. Don't be so selfish". So I agreed. Now I think he wants me to put it off hoping I'll forget about it with my OCD. This is okay...he doesn't want to lose me, I get that. But I wonder if it is because he knows she might want to see me. He also said something that I though was nasty "Michael, let's face it, she is married to a very powerful and rich man...she isn't going to be interested in a mere computer scientist anymore, that train left town." I said "well you are a powerful and rich man and you are interested in a computer scientist" And he shut up. He can be quite the snob. And the only reason he brou
I wish I hadn't written one line that I did above and wish I could nix it, but since I can't I would like to clarify what I meant when I said, " it will break my heart etc" I know that if you get back with her, I will lose you and not hear from you anymore, and that thought is painful for me, but it will be worth that sacrifice if I know that you found what you have been searching for.
Babe, .. I do love you, and I have for a long time now. I wish you would call me so we could talk at least once over the phone, you could even do it right now because it sounds like you need someone to talk to. I don't ever want to push you away. You aren't planning to leave me are you? Please don't. I was crushed and felt immense pain when you said you would do Tara over me, so I retaliated with what I said, which I never meant for one second either, and it hurt me twice as bad to even say that back to you. I want you more than I ever have and like I've said before and truly meant, I have never rejected you ever, only delayed and until now, I really didn't know it was making you feel despondent. I'm regretting my delays now. I can still come see you. Don't give up on me.
I don't want to fall in love with a woman. She has been telling me very affectionate things and this is brand new territory for me and it's freaking me out. God she is so sweet so I have been saying sweet things back to her because she is already putting a lot of trust in me and opening up so much, and now I am feeling like I am going in a direction that may not be a direction I want to go in. Do you follow me? Honey, I am willing to tell you anything you want to know about her, I just wish it didn't have to be on a public board where someone else may also check her out. If you were to call me, I can tell you much more about her, so please understand that it isn't that I don't trust you, but I'm trying to be careful and protect her identity which I'm willing to share with you, but no one else. Okay?
John Cho is hot and so is this guy. And I know you are very handsome because of how many women are after you on any given day! My God, you have looks and a charisma about you that would make Valentino look geekish, in fact he is geekish looking! LOL I wish I could make love to you right now and then hold you tight through the night. You are more loved than you will ever know. I even love you enough to go knock on Elizabeth's front door and tell her myself how much you love and miss her, and that she needs to come talk to you. You want me to do it? I will, because maybe you're right, .. maybe this feeling you are having that she is calling out to you is real! I believe in this kind of intuitive stuff and you know that, so maybe you should try to find her and see what's there. I will personally talk her into taking you back, and then place her hand in yours, because I want you happy and fulfilled Michael, even if it will break my heart and flood my eyes with tears.
Your pain and sadness is seeping into me and I can feel it. I'm very emotional and crying for and with you right now. Let me help you. I'm here ...........
Maybe you should just tell her that I am someone who you thought you loved, but when push came to shove...you refused to visit me, to meet me and it made me feel despondent. That you pushed me away without even knowing it.
Obviously you do not trust me enough to tell me who she even is on twitter...someone you only just met..... and allow me to check her out when I was only concerned about you. That's okay. I've been screwed before by people who supposedly loved me, so I get your resistance. I am feeling very low. Very sad now. Depressed to the point where I only want to sleep. I don't know why. I am alone which I do not like. I am not angry at J...but I feel his so-called "love' for me is really pretty superficial and romance 'novelesque'. I am a proto-type for him...what he wants to see, to look at.... and maybe challenging enough for him that he keeps hanging on. Is that really love? He thinks so...I am dubious.
Re: the mushroom boy...my chin is less pronounced. But...we could be brothers. I cannot believe I gave you enough info to actually look him up. I was so exhausted having not slept for 2 nights....didn't realize how much I was writing and with such detail. PLEASE do not repeat this on another site. J would be devastated. I told you I was not as hot as John Cho...so now maybe you believe me now. Go to youtube and check out the following: 'BTTR ventures founders Nikhil Arora and Alex Velez on Last call with Carson Daly' This video is where he really resembles me. It is scary to watch knowing J was attracted to him too. It really creeps me to think I am J's proto-type. This was one was scary for me to watch. Like looking at myself 10 years ago.
J is coming to see me this weekend since Ana is gone to Paris. . He insisted. He wants to talk to me. I miss Elizabeth. Why did I hurt her? J knows something about her but he won't tell me.
Well, I wish you luck with this new person who seems to really like you. I want you to know something and that is ...if you never hear for me again...if I am not around that I was very hurt and did not mean that comment I said about Tara that hurt you. Okay?
:)
Ahhhh, so that is what you look like! That is totally different than 'the actor'. He has a slight cleft in his kind of squared off chin. Do you have that? And your nose is similar? I really pictured you as more Asian looking than that so I am a bit surprised. While there is a slight Asian look to his eyes, it is mild. Well he is certainly attractive and very handsome to my eyes, so if that is what you look like, then I am definitely attracted to you physically. :)
This gf is 5'7" so one inch taller than me, blond hair, really beautiful blue eyes, tight curvaceous body with perky breasts about the same size as mine, and I'm sure you remember what fruit best describes me! haha She owns a multi million a yr PR firm and has business dealings in LA w/ Hollywood connections, in Vegas, I'm pretty sure she mentioned Dallas, NYC, Miami, and London. I don't think she owns a jet plane, but either rents, or clients pick up the tab, I'm not sure. I'll see what I can find out. She didn't know that girl, so one would assume it wasn't her jet I would think. She was molested severely by her stepfather from 8 yrs old, and is not so fond of men now. She said it is seldom that she can climax with a guy, but almost always does with a woman. That is how it was with that Asian girl I also met on twitter and she went from being bi to total lesbian, and I think this girl is headed that way too. With that Asian girl, I think I talked about you just a little too much and that turned her off . Oh well. I had not mentioned you to this one, but a morning or two back, she left me a message one morning that simply read " Who's Michael? " I have left you many messages on my twitter site in case you are not aware, in my tweets. Don't know if you knew that or if you ever check in, but I have. So she obviously scanned through my tweets going way back possibly. I told her who you are and that we have basically had cyber sex with each other! haha
Then J and Alex had been lovers before he got together with you, right? No wonder he is attracted and in love with you then. He is definitely stuck on a certain look. I really am at a loss for words on this one Michael. I guess it is kinda creepy. It would be even creepier if you and Alex were lovers! Time to get out the freaky flag if that happened! haha I just don't know what to say on this one .....
Many typing errors int he past 2 longer posts. Should clarify that the kid leave on the WEST coast...not the East coast. I am sure J wishes he lived on the East coast...LOL!
Not "dues" but s/b "dudes"
..."until I have the chance to talk to Michael about it. Please promise me you will give the chance to speak with him". Bro promised...which means nothing. He told me almost immediately when he called me, told Charmaine and told my mother when she called a day or so later...LOL! I was not convinced until I saw J last time he came out to London. I knew he was busy with work...but it was obvious he was troubled. I wasn't in the mood to talk about it as I was dealing with a few other things myself. At one point he nervously said (J is never nervous) "Micheal I really need to speak with you about something serious". I interjected and said "wrong time, dude...you will get a bad reception as I am not in the mood for serious." I knew exactly what he wanted to tell me but was not in the mood. Didn't care that much. I could tell her was very remorseful..and ashamed...and scared. This is the same time that he told me that he was being unfair and that he had no issues with my seeing women as long as it was n the 'up and up' (dude has a bit of a nerve, me thinks). But I think he thought about it and felt that he was unfair to me forcing me to deny who I was. I mean I made it clear to him that I would see women, and if he cannot deal with this I completely understood, and I told him he needed to find a gay dude as I really didn't want to hurt him. He always reluctantly agreed...but this time, he really made it clear that he would rather me be with women so I will be happy as a whole with him and so he could feel he loved me for who I truly am. He also stopped telling me not to fuck dudes...which was a moot point anyway since I had and still have, no intentions of doing so. He was stressed and nervous the whole time...I was avoiding him so as not to discuss it. I still do not want to discuss it. I don't care about it. It is done and over. I promised myself not to speak of it out of deference to J...but you pissed me off so I told you..hen I told Ana. Ana told Naomi who know hates J, apparently, for trying to "control me".
Now back to the Colombian dude. This is the oddest part. He came to meet J at my place. So, bro met him...which leads me to believe none of this was planned. J would never stoop this low as to introduce his 'boy toy' to my own bro. Bro says he was nice and friendly and "looked exactly like you Michael". Bro tells me he told Alex "you look just like my brother" and J was embarrassed. Dude has a type. So, he is Colombian American and you may not be aware, but some Caucasian/Asian mixed race men strikingly resemble South Americans facially. So, I looked the due up out of curiosity (this is something I would NEVER do as I am not curious about such things like you or J, but bro's remark struck my interest). I'll be damned if the dude isn't the spitting image of me, albeit a much younger version. I just googled his first name, UC Berkley (where he and his partner went to business school), mushrooms coffee and Voila' There were copious articles and clips about his company. He looked decent looking until I watched this news clip "grads turn coffee into gourmet mushrooms" from a local ABC news show --and he looked like me 10 years ago! Then I took his first and last name and co name and googled 'images' and almost fell of my seat...there was this one photo under google images where he was receiving an award from his business school and he had on a suit and he was my spitting image (a younger make) . It-was-weird. I wonder what a shrink would say to J about this. Before me, J's last bf was 1/2 japanese 1/2 caucasian...before him, his bf 1/2 Korean 1/2 Caucasian...then his fiance was 1/2 Bengali and 1/2 Caucasian. Who knows who else is out there...but I'll bet those other dues looked like me too. Kinda creepy, don't you think?
This is a very interesting development with this woman. She does not sound to me like the uninhibited, vulnerable type...but then again...what do I know? Tread cautiously. I am finding her mile high story a bit incredible. Try spending 30 minutes in a tiny cramped plane bathroom eating pussy...even I can't manage that and you know my sex drive. Private jets in the US (with the exception of non-civilian jets such as Airforce 1 and 2) are strictly very limited in size. It is difficult, if not impossible, to have flight attendants man these jets. You cannot stand up...even on the larger Lears.. And how does a 31 year old afford a private jet worth many millions...not to mention the many thousands it costs for fuel alone per flight? Even J flies commercial. Sure there are probably 2 dozen youngins' in the US ala' Mark Zuckerberg (who do not have inherited wealth or the plane is not owned by their parents) who do...but it is exceedingly rare. Apologies if I appear to be a doubting Thomas. Okay...I'd like to know her actual line of work. Why don't you let me know her twitter and I can get a feel for myself. I am being very altruisitc and benevolent here as far as you are concerned and have no mendacious intent. But it is your call if you care to share. I hope she doesn't mind being pussy teased. Sorry to burst your bubble as you seem happy about meeting her. It is only an impression and I could be completely off base.
This incident happened with J a few weeks back and I found out about it from bro...then put 2 & 2 together. J is a very environmentally conscientious dude (well...he drives a polluting sports car and doesn't always try to recycle...but donates a lot of money to environmental and social causes which helps elevate his company's public profile). He told em abou this dude he met before we began dating and he really liked him but only dated him for a short while as he lived on the east coast and he was very young. Anyway...said he was smart, maybe brilliant and gave up a lucrative career in high finance or investment banking on Wall st to start this environmental company with another dude from Business School. The company grows mushrooms in coffee grinds, LOL..kid you not. So I assume, J provided some financial backing to get them started. And he struck up a relationship with this young man...whom he claims is a good dude and I believe he is bi. As I stated, it didn't last long for the aforementioned reasons. Well...fast forward to beginning of December. J tells me that this dude is in town promoting his successful company and calls J..of course...because if he backed him (ha ha--no pun intended) the proper thing to do is to meet up with him and apprise him of the company's status. He told me the dude (Alex) was coming to town and he was going to dinner with him while I was in London. I told him he did not need my clearance and to have a good time. LOL--guess he did! He did not plan on anything happening as he kept asking bro to come along...but bro declined many times as feels uncomfortable in very small group settings with people he does not know at all. J made arrangements for bro's caretaker to come and stay until midnight...which is reasonable if you are having dinner somewhere in NYC. He wanted Daniel to have company. Only he never came home. I found out from bro that he called Charmaine around midnight asking her to remain until the next morning, which she dutifully did (she knows who butters her bread. J is VERY generous to her...more so than I am!). When he showed up at 6:00 am trying to sneak in the next morning...bro woke up..LOL! J nearly shit his pants. Of course bro has no common sense so asked him why he was home so late and where has he been? He claimed he fell asleep at his "friend's" place (which we know was a hotel) and that he was too tired to hail a cab in the cold. Bro continued to grill him and according to bro he said "Daniel, I don't want to hurt Michael can we stop this until I have the ch
How did you first learn of what happened ? And how did he meet this Columbian kid?
I've been talking for an hour this morning with my gf. She is truly an amazing lady and I'm liking and growing quite fond of her, and it's strange but we are bonding fast. It's kind of scary because feelings are already being expressed and this is happening at warp speed! It has always been intelligence in another human that seduces me and draws me into someone, and she is extremely intelligent and opening up to me when I know she doesn't do that with other people. I'm talking about her showing her vulnerable side to me that she keeps hidden and instead presents to the world this tough as nails lady. I am feeling this empath thing with her now, and she is a sweet child at heart, and she is desperate for someone to understand her and accept her for all that she is. She is reaching out to me and we're bonding. This is going to be very strange indeed if I end up falling for a woman!! haha Ohhhh, I don't know about this! I need to slow this freight train down!
Immaculate dream? I'd say I am more of a tainted nightmare, LOL! Yes, seriously. I'll have to listen to it now that I have the title. The lyrics are pretty awesome. It is an indirect, circuitous love song...So, I suppose J feels like he is here for me to surrender to once I come 'undone' and asking me will he be the one I love? Undone as in I am holding back. That's what I see. He sent me another text this morning (this is becoming slightly annoying), and it read: "Immaculate dream: do what you need this weekend. I understand. I love you and I am so pleased that everyone knows it. No pressure from me anymore. I do 'get' you and I respect your sexuality even if you fail to believe this. You ARE my immaculate dream, I love the man that you are and I've been waiting for you my entire life." LOL! Someone is reeeeeeeally feeling guilty. Look--I only told you about this because you had this misdirected allegiance to be true and fair to Jeffery while he was the one who betrayed his self-imposed rules. I was sick and angered at hearing that there was this "commitment" and you could not hurt him while you were cock-teasing me to kingdom come. But, as I said, I am not at all angry with him or even upset or even a tad resentful or jealous. He, at least, has not remained a hypocrite and he has stopped pressuring me about other dudes (which is a moot point as I do not intend to be with other men)or pressured me about commitment and has not asked or commented about Ana. I think he knows that I won't stray with dudes. I WILL toot my own horn here and say that I am honest and I am trustworthy. I won't surprise him. I did not commit to him for the same reason I never commit to anyone and never have: because of my sexuality...this would be unfair. Yet he openly committed to me...when I never requested he do so! LOL! Life sure is funny. He made a mistake and I forgive him, even though he has yet to confess. In fairness to him, I didn't really allow him to confess...I circumvented it. I knew it happened and I knew he felt awful...even heard him crying in another room one night. He is killing himself over this and he need not. He knows he has to tell me and he fears it. He is fairly certain, though not 100%, that I already know. This will not make me run out and fuck another dude...I am not like that. I have no desire for other dudes and that has not changed because of his indiscretion. J prides himself as having a strong resolve and a fair and honest nature. Dude slipped up...it happens. I guess he too, after all, is imperfect. The part that irked me originally (until I witnessed the extreme remorse J exhibited) was that before he strayed, he was so afraid that I might fuck another dude that he had to hear me say it aloud...like he didn't trust me and that bothered me. I told him my word is good. He questioned that and yet HE, not I, is the one who faltered.
I cannot go to Paris for this weekend...Sat, Sun and Mon. I tried but am too busy with work. No, I was not going to meet Ana's parents, LOL! We are not in that realm at all. Her family does not reside in Paris...yes, France... but in Provence. She has a meeting in Paris Mon morn and wanted to spend the weekend there. I told her to stay with me instead and she said "no, you come with me." I want to...but cannot swing it. I really like her. She is very understanding and patient and is not afraid to express her feelings despite the fact that I am leaving here soon. She told me I am worth the potential heartbreak. And she bathes me! I hate to sound trite, but she understands me. I even told her about J yesterday. She never said anything bad about him, only acknowledges that he is human and he should have abided by his own stipulations and commented what roughly translates to "Not much we can do as boys will behave like little boys" Now that is a very European attitude!
Never had sex of any kind on a flight. The bathrooms are too small.
Have you ever joined the mile high club? If so, do tell .............. :)
DURAN DURAN LYRICS
Come Undone Ringtone Send "Come Undone" Ringtone to your Cell Come Undone Ringtone
"Come Undone"
Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed, with a home tattoo,
Happy birthday to you was created for you
(can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can't I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Oh, it'll take a little time,
Might take a little crime
To come undone now
[PRECHORUS]
We'll try to stay blind
To the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind
And blow me in to cry
[CHORUS]
Who do you need, who do you love
When you come undone
[repeat]
[Verse 2]
Words, playing me deja vu
Like a radio tune I swear I've heard before
Chill, is it something real
Or the magic I'm feeding off your fingers
(Can't ever keep from falling apart
At the seams
Can I believe you're taking my heart
To pieces)
Lost, in a snow filled sky, we'll make it alright
To come undone now
LOL You're gonna love this! My gf has been tweeting me from 35,000 ft above as she is flying on her private jet back to Florida from LA. She said that when the cute female attendant brought her a glass of champagne, she stuck her middle finger in the champagne and put it up to the attendants mouth and she sucked on her finger. Then she told her, " Would you like something better to suck on?" The girl just smiled, so she took her by the hand and led her to the rear bedroom, and she said the girl attacked her before the door was even shut! She said that girl went down on her for over 30 minutes and gave her 4 mind shattering climaxes! LOL Ahhh the good life of the rich and famous! Once upon a time I lived it. Maybe with this girl I could get hired on as her 'attendant' ! :)
That is another one of my favorite songs, and I knew it immediately from the very first line! It is by Duran Duran and is called ' Come Undone '. I love that song!
So how did he meet this Columbian guy? I thought he liked Asians. Is Daniel the one that knew of this? Surely J didn't do this guy in your own bed did he? I really am still in disbelief at this whole thing. Yes, please tell me what happened. I'm sorry Michael, I should have showed you more compassion. Also, I feel bad for Ana. I'm thinking it sounds like she did suffer a miscarriage as well. That was a close call indeed, and maybe why I felt so nervous for you and even had a queasy stomach for a few days. I am telling you I have empath feelings at times with certain people. I had it with my mom all the time too. She was always amazed at the timing of my phone calls home or how I knew she was down, or when my dad had a heart attack and I had a gut feeling that I needed to call home. Okay, enough of my metaphysical stuff. :) I have that somewhat with you but I know you'll never believe me.
So are you really feeling and doing okay? Is your visit to Paris to meet her family?
the song continues but I didn't print all of the lyrics. Gosh, I'm stumped. It doesn't seem, lyrically, as lame as many of the other songs J posts and likes. He texted me asking if I listened to our song. He said "Please listen to it. And you know I love you, always, even of you decide to leave me"
Dude must feel pretty guilty. I feel bad for him.
Wow ...that is awesome. I am very happy that you are putting yourself out there. I hope when one of these people want to take the next step to meet you--assuming that they are normal--that you go for it. The lesbian sounds hot. Does she like dudes even a little teeny-tiny bit? You know what you are going to have to do if you date a lesbian...right? Well, I can give you plenty of pointers...I love doing this, as you know and I have never had any complaints ;) .....oh, quite the contrary. The only bit (tiny bit) of a concern I have is with Tony...he does not know there is a time difference between NJ and NM? Hmmmm....Otherwise, he impressed me ---by the little bit you posted now and originally--- as a decent dude. I get a tad concerned when I think someone might try to take advantage of a compassionate soul...so be aware...but my gut tells me he is genuine, nonetheless.
Ana is well and thank you for asking. She had the profuse bleeding problem for 3 days and day before yesterday contacted her gyn and was told to rest and the bleeding should cease. Her gyn expressed that, yes, it could be an early miscarriage or just a very heavy period caused by stress. Since we had unprotected sex, her gyn was siding on the very early miscarriage. Ana reminded me that another time (about a week before the 'condomless' sex episode) I did not put on my condom until right before ejaculating. So, of course we know that sperm is released in smaller amounts before the full ejaculation. We speculate that it could have been that episode 10 days before her expected period. The uterine lining builds and thickens very quickly with tissue and blood after conception so hence, the heavy bleeding and late period. I think I may have caused this by my selfishness...but at least it was an early end. I feel badly for her as she was quite uncomfortable. Better now.
I only told you about J because I was tired of hearing about how you didn't want to "hurt" him by being with me. Well, he pushed for me to be faithful with him in regard to other dudes...and then I find out he is the one who sleeps with another! Not me! So...who is the one who deserves the sympathy? Me or him?...LOL! I am not angry at him...I am not jealous or even upset. I just don't get jealous. I don't want to hurt him over this more than he has hurt himself. He i suffering over this. I am not even upset. If I thought he was okay about this...about deceiving me...I'd be annoyed. But he is really absorbed by this and feeling anxiety and extreme remorse. It is very obvious. I need a bit of time to fill you in on the details as they are very involved...and it is very late here. I cannot sleep..but should try. Ana is asleep in the other room.
J sent me an e-mail asking if he could visit this weekend as he really needed to see me and talk with me. I told him that I'd be home in 2+ weeks, so he should try to wait, and I might be going to Paris for this weekend so it may not work. He said "okay, babe...but let me give you this. Since you forced me to close out my twitter, I cannot express my love and feelings to you outside of what I say directly to you. This song IS us, babe, it is us, PLEASE listen to it":
"Mine, immaculate dream made breath and skin
I've been waiting for you
Signed with a home tattoo
Happy Birthday to you was created for you
Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seems
Cannot believe you're taking my heart to pieces
Ahhh I'll take a little time
Might take a little crime to come undone
Now we'll try to stay blind to the hope and fear outside
Hey child, stay wilder than the wind and blow me into cry..."
Any ideas as to the title so I can check on youtube? He wants me to listen to it, but there is no title. Ana does not know it either. J flew to DC this afternoon so I cannot ask him more. Will fill you in on the issue where J fucked around on me if you are interested. Too tired now. He is not as perfect as you thought...yes? LOL
Oh boy, .. I was tired last night when I left my last post. I just saw that I put down that I crashed at 9am. LOL I meant to say that I fell asleep around 9pm. I don't know why but I was just out of it and exhausted.
Darling, I am always willing to learn, and I do want to know what's on your mind. That's important to me, always. True, you know the definitions and use of words better than I do, so keep the English lessons coming. It only makes me a better person and I like you being my master. :)
Good news jelly bean! I have a new online girlfriend and she is bisexual and says she is 9o% lez! I met her on twitter. She's crazy about me and sent me a bunch of nude photos of herself to my email, and all I can say is YOWZA! She is 31 yrs old, lives in Florida, has a beachfront home, owns her own business and is very wealthy. She will be at the Golden Globe awards on Monday in LA with a 22 yr. old starlet whose a closet bisexual and part time lover of hers. She travels in private jets to her clients around the world. We are talking very sexy and dirty to each other and I love it! The downside is, all I can think about is sex now! :)
On top of that, Tony, your practically next door neighbor in Hoboken left this message for me, and he wants to call me!
goldengiant
view all msgs: received from | sent to 1/6/2011 4:59:04 AM
Subject:RE: Hello
Message:Thanks for writing and more importantly your support of compassion.....when is the best time to call you and is there a time difference....please let me know so I can call.....Love Tony....
Life is good! I hope yours is too! How's Ana, and have you talked to J? Is everything okay now?
I only mentioned the past transgressions because you noted in your prior message that these infractions were 'unintentional' and done 'inadvertently' and I wanted to express my understanding of the definition of these two words which differs from yours. I know you don't like it when you are 'challenged' with regard to statements you make.
Hi M., .. It is 1am in the morning here, and I just woke up from falling asleep earlier, I'm guessing it must have been around 9am when I crashed out. My dogs woke me up and wanted out, so my head is still in a fog and I feel dead tired and am not thinking clearly enough at this moment to respond to everything you've said, but wanted to take a moment to let you know that I've read what you said and it is duly noted. What's happened in the past, we've talked about it, discussed it many times, I've apologized for my mistakes, and if I could, I'd go back and change or undo some things that caused you pain and hurt. Neither one of us will ever heal if we want to keep hashing and rehashing and digging up the past, which can't be changed. Would it not be a wise idea to leave it in the past now and move forward?
Earlier this evening, I turned on my backyard faucet to fill my ponds after I got Bo fed and put back in his pen. It hadn't been running but 5 minutes at the most, and when I came inside, I found my kitchen floor flooded, so I had to run outside and get the faucet turned off, and begin the clean up. The temperatures have been very cold, even down to 8 degrees or less, so my pipe to that faucet must have frozen and busted. There is suppose to be an even colder front coming down from the north sometime in the next few days I believe. It already feels like I'm living in Minnesota at the moment 'cause of the cold. Anyway, I'm still under warranty thank God, so I'm suppose to get a call in the morning from the plumbing company telling me when they can come out to fix it.
I also will need to leave my house when the plumbers are done to run some errands, so I am not sure when I will be able to respond again to you tomorrow, but will in the evening if not before.
I think you should call J and ask what happened or what's going on so you can have peace of mind. He loves you immensely and doesn't want to lose you, so I'm sure everything will turn out fine. Honey, I'm fading fast and needing more sleep, can't think clearly at the moment, so I hope you're okay, and I'll get back with you sometime tomorrow .....
came back to leave a final, quick comment as I was feeling badly that I may have hastily though without acerbity, painted J as a 'manizer'. I don't feel right about that. I need to lend a bit of info in order for you to know what transpired. Something happened...some type of a sexual episode, and I believe only once. More on that at the end. I want to comment on your latest post.
Let me clarify a few things. Mainly things contained in the 2nd paragraph and a comment contained in the 1st:
1."I deeply regret any hurts I have unintentionally done to you and you know they were not done on purpose." ---No, I do not know this. The word "unintentional" means something was done 'accidentally'...like an accidental omission. Responding to a post where I shared w/ you what was hurtful, with "you need meds" was not 'unintentional'. Responding to me with the post about Liz with "Fuck it, etc.blow her whole world apart!.." was not an 'unintentional' accident . Are we clear on this? The word 'inadvertently' also means 'accidentally'.
2.Well, I am a scientist and I have studied some astronautical engineering in grad school ...so I believe I can be an unofficial 'rocket scientist' here. As far as my "talking down to you"...perhaps that is the perception I left, that I was talking down to you...but sometimes I have a hard time getting across to you. And when you annoy me I do not take measures to be patient when addressing you. Sorry that you resented it.
3. I never said you were a "stupid" person...but why do you always have to try so hard to convince me that you are so smart? You must have some insecurities about your intelligence or your lack of formal education. I find it a bit uncomfortable when you always have to tell me how smart you are...always bringing up your admirable, wonderful, qualities. You do not have to try to convince people you are smart...if you are, people will take notice. You told me in an earlier post that I toot my horn...untrue. I may mention a fact... something I've done at work or in the past, accomplished if germane to the conversation... or in answering a question...I never generalize about how I am a wonderful, caring, kind, humble person or label myself with generalized attributes that are self-complimentary. I am just not used to that. I was brought up differently and most of the people I know and with whom I associate would look at this behavior as boastful or 'over-compensating' for inadequacies. I am a pretty self deprecating dude...and that is not complimenting myself.
4. "If you are confident in yourself like you say you are, you shouldn't have to do that." Do
what? speak the truth? So I am not confident because I question you or feel I am more knowledgeable than you? I have 8 years of college and post-grad under my belt so that helps...yes, an advantage...but we all possess characteristics that make us unique. I won't pretend to be 'less smart' than I am. So you are questioning whether I am a confident person? I think I should know. But, it proves again that you do not know me. I don't think you possess the familiarity or gravitas to convince me of doubting the person I am.
5. "Intelligence is somewhat of a relative thing." Generally untrue. Innate intelligence (ability) is fixed. Achievement...what you learn, do with your intelligence is another matter. So a 165 IQ can get a bad break and come from a bad family and be a loser, while a 115 IQ can be innately motivated and driven and acquire much success. But that is achievement, not intellectual ability. 2 different things.
6. "I bet I know more about farming than you." Maybe, maybe not. I read a lot. I had to research an organic farm and learn the process and basically go to Farmer's boot camp at an intern job. But this has nothing to do with intelligence. Farming is an acquired skill. So I guess I missed your point here. You don;t have to be intelligent to be a farmer, though I am sure some farmer
Babe, please, .. you are misunderstanding me in a few places here. First of all, I deeply regret any hurts I've unintentionally done to you, and you know they were not done on purpose. In defending you against a verbal attack upon you, I inadvertently went too far and said too much and betrayed your trust in me. I was regretful and terrified at what I had done, and you know that. I will always regret and feel terrible about it and I have apologized profusely to you.
I am not trying to compete with you intellectually and you didn't make me feel stupid, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that you were talking down to me, and I resent that. You know I am not a stupid woman, so don't treat me that way, alright? If you are confident in yourself like you say you are, then you shouldn't have to do that. I don't care if you are smarter than me, I am not in competition with you. Intelligence is somewhat of a relative thing anyway. Example: I bet I know more about farming than you do, and I bet you know more about genome research than I do. Okay? I know you are brilliant and I admire that. You and I are both adept at learning and growing, and if you are smarter than me, great! I'm happy for you.
You are taking what I said wrong if you think I am trying to tell you that I am too 'ethical' to be with you. C'mon babe, I'm not saying that, and I'm sorry I didn't explain myself better, and you got hurt because of that. My fault okay? I'm sorry. Again, I am only trying to tread lightly and do no harm to any relationship or to anyone, especially you. I don't want to fight with you, I never want to hurt you, I just want to love on you and be here for you. That is my true intent. Always has been, always will be.
I can see that you feel hurt, and I apologize for my part in that. If you hurt, I hurt. I wish I knew how to comfort you. Let's not fight and argue anymore, okay? I'll do my best to use my words with better measure and accuracy so as not to be misunderstood or to cause you pain, but babe, I am human and far from perfect. I want to always be able to talk, discuss, and work things out with you whenever misunderstandings or conflict arises. That is where I'm coming from at all times with you, okay?
Favor, please? Stop ranting the psychobabble rubbish that you probably read in some 2nd rate self-help manual (or maybe saw it on Dr. Phil) that "you try to make me feel stupid so you can feel superior over me.". That statement alone makes you look stupid. LOL! Very trite and very inaccurate. Remember what Eleanore Roosevelt said "Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent." Only a person who is insecure about themselves, their intelligence would attempt to make another feel stupid in order to feel superior. I do not need to do that. I am a pretty damn confident dude, and maybe even arrogant at times as you say.. I already feel intellectually superior around you...I don't need to make you feel stupid for me to accomplish that. But don't be offended...I feel intellectually superior over 99.977% of the US population (including J, my mother, my brother, my friends and nearly every person I work with) because that is my IQ percentile. It is a scientific fact...not an opinion. Doesn't make me better, doesn't make me superior, doesn't make me more worthy of anything...just makes me smarter. Oh, and I being too Politically incorrect for you? Why do you feel you have to compete with me intellectually?
You have been very unkind to me and you continue. But...I forgot..you are so wonderful and only capable of spreading joy. You betrayed my trust, you were cruel to me when I opened up to you about a deep scar and my enduring feelings for Liz and what we lost by my hand...and these are not isolated. There is a mechanistic void that prevents you from realizing what you 'say' and how improper and insulting the conveyance of said statement is to the receiver. Telling me, in essence, that you won't spend time with me because you have high morals and ethics. How the fuck would you feel if I told you that I could not be with you because my philosophical ethical code and moral standards (the truths I live my life by) defy it? Talk about feeling SUPERIOR. It is actually an empty, vacous and preposterous statement. Do you see the arrogance and the JUDGMENT behind your words? That is a value statement not a simple confusion over suitable vocabulary usage. Then when I tell you why it is hurtful and insulting...you send these silly little posts trying to be cute like a teenager...instead of responding to the issue. You've done this before and I have asked you not to.
And by all means, please continue to be concerned for J who is probably getting ready to fuck his 24 year old Columbian 'boy toy' now, LOL!
I'm outta here!
I would like to ask you to come back down to earth as well, off of the lofty self built pedestal upon which you place yourself, because you think you are wiser and smarter than all others. Many of the things you accuse me of, you do also. You toot your own horn plenty, you pat yourself on the back, you get VERY self righteous, and arrogant. The worst of all though, is that you get verbally abusive! Are you even aware of that? I've taken a lot of pure shit off of you because I'm always focused on the knowledge that you are a fantastic, intelligent and good human being at your core and I've fallen in love with you along the way. I still feel all the love in the world for you, but there is only so much I can take. You once again talked to me in a very condescending manner yesterday trying to make me feel stupid so you could feel superior over me, and then you had to get as low as you can go and make sure you deliver a verbal knife into my heart by telling me you would fuck Tara over me! Where does this need to hurt people come from in you? Jesus! I was trying to lighten the conversation and get you to smile, and you in return got as low and nasty as you could possibly get with me just because I didn't respond back the way you wanted me to. Well sorry! I can't read your mind and always figure out what it is you want me to say. Then you get frustrated and lash out with hateful words, instead of staying calm and trying to communicate with me in a better way. Why do you let yourself get so hung up and focused on one word or a phrase all the time, instead of seeing the bigger picture and where the person speaking was trying to go with their thought? You could save yourself and the person you're talking to a lot of grief if you would just chill out a bit and lighten up. Whatever my ethics are, I don't go around trying to hurt people with my words, and I am a very loving and good individual trying to give happiness and help to others along my way. I not only try to lift you up, I do others as well with as positive an attitude as I can muster. I live a clean life and conduct myself in a respectful manner and treat others with respect and offer them a smile to hopefully brighten their day. Is that not good enough?
In my mind, I have never rebuffed or rejected you, I have only delayed. And the very first time you asked me to come be with you, I accepted! I only asked that we do it in 2 to 3 weeks down the road so I could plan for it and get my ducks in a row. When I didn't get back to you within the first hour, you took that as rejection and it is my belief that you missed my response back to you which I left later that same evening. Mis-communication pure and simple, and I highly regret that happening because you didn't have Daniel or J yet in your life, but it wasn't soon after when Daniel came along and your life changed drastically. Yes, I'm a bit scared that being with you will only deepen my feelings for you, but it would also be nice if there aren't other significant others in the picture when it happens. Less complicated, less chance of anyone else getting upset or hurt. Is that so hard to understand?
I am sorry to hear Michael, that J may have strayed on you and is trying to hide it. I am absolutely shocked and surprised by that. What happened? It is the last thing I would have thought he would do, given the restrictions he puts on you, and how much he loves you. I'm surprised he would even risk it, let alone try to hide it from you and deceive you. I'm sure he is in extreme fear he will lose you, hence the cover up if indeed it happened. I bet if you said to him, " Is there anything you want to tell me?" He would come clean with you.
Are things going okay for you otherwise in London? I take it Ana is okay and doing fine. I really do want you happy Michael, just remember that. All my love, .. Storm
A moot point indeed. We agree on something then.
It is both offensive and disrespectful for you to continue to articulate to me that your so-called ethical code and your moral compass or whatever bullshit euphemism you choose to utilize, disallow you from being with me. Do you even see that? It is an impertinent remark prompted by your exaggerated self-opinion. Frankly, you can take your non-existent ethical and moral code and shove it up your arse for all I care. Stop fabricating arrogant reasons ("my ethical code", etc., etc. ) for your past rebuffs when we both know the real underlying reason is that you are scared. Whether you really care about "hurting J" or not....you are fooling yourself, lady. Not that any of this matters at this point. Try coming down to Earth once in a while.
And regarding your concern for the lovelorn alter boy Jeffery....just so you know HE is the one who slept with another dude behind my back. Something I never did to him. Yes, 'tis true. His concerns about me not fucking other dudes...and I abide...and what does he do? LOL! I am not angry and really not upset about it at all. I guess I understand how it happened. He doesn't even know for certain that I know. He has not come clean and I have not mentioned it to him. I just found out recently and it only occurred very recently...I am not even 100% sure...but his behavior and demeanor speak volumes; and bro always spills the beans! So before you judge me and espouse your holier than thou concern for J...think that, perhaps, your allegiances are a bit misplaced and your ethical standards in need of reevaluation.
Since you are so hellbent and focused on my ethical code, then here it is in short form. I don't like hurting people! And I know deep down that it hurts J to know you are being intimate with another, and he actually REALLY wishes you didn't need to. Yeah yeah you have your agreement with him blah blah. Still doesn't change the fact that I am stepping into the middle of a committed relationship! I don't want to get hurt either. NOW, do you get it? It's moot anyway after what you just said to me, because now I have no desire for you as well. :/
Oh geez, .. LIGHTEN UP ALL READY! Can't you tell when I am joking with you? Why do you have to get so mean and nasty when I am just trying to be light hearted and play with you?
So you want me to remain serious, instead of joking and trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room? Then why don't you be a gentleman and just say so instead of turning into a rude bastard?
Typical. Cannot answer a direct question so you issue your standard, one line response. Your attempts at trying to disarm me are fruitless. You impulsively spout out this self-righteous crap and then when I point out the hypocrisy, you still arrogantly support it and your past decisions and see no incongruousness in your assertions re: your so-called ethical code of conduct. Maybe I am just used to dealing with more sophisticated and educated people in my life, so I will be a gentleman and take the blame for not explaining myself in a more elementary , easy-to-comprehend level. This is not an insult to you...just a reality.
Am I hot for you? Actually....no, not anymore. Truth be told...at this point, I'd fuck Tara before you. That ma dear, is the Lord's truth. She seems to have a bit more scruples.
Are you all hot for me baby? You're just wanting me to come see you soon. Is that what this is all about? ;)
Sorry that Ronald Regan spoiled your fun. And I am happy that Hugh Hefner gave you the green light to define your ethical standards to exclude anything other than what fits into your self-serving definition. I couldn't care less if you had an open marriage with that pervert, I am simply pointing out the incongruousness and disharmony in your self-righteous statements. Get it now? You say you have ethical and moral standards that prevent you from being with me as I have been seeing another person, a man (in a semi-committed, unmarried) relationship where I only satisfy 1/2 of who I am. Bisexuals (true bisexuals) cannot function with the same gender in a monogamous relationship unless they force themselves. This is not necessarily a choice like the choice you made with your first husband to marry him...but 'not-really-marry' (which you fully support and it has not, evidently, threatened your "ethical code" of conduct, LOL!).
There is no lying, deceit or covertness in my relationship w/ J. I will never stay with him exclusively based on the man that I am --not by choice, but by nature.---and I never promised him this, never promised any 'marriage' or a facsimile thereof, never will. So your so-called ethical standards are a silly, convenient, egotistically-driven, hypocritical excuse given your past decisions. I am not judging your past...just trying to help you see the truth. So explain to me again why your "ethical code" of conduct is what really prevent you from being with me. I'm all ears.
I think you better check that moral compass of yours again...it is pointing due south.
Sorry that Ronald Regan spoiled your fun. And I am happy that Hugh Hefner gave you the green light to define your ethical standards to exclude anything other than what fits into your self-serving definition. I couldn't care less if you had an open marriage with that pervert, I am simply pointing out the incongruousness and disharmony in your self-righteous statements. Get it now? You say you have ethical and moral standards that prevent you from being with me as I have been seeing another person, a man (in a semi-committed, unmarried) relationship where I only satisfy 1/2 of who I am. Bisexuals (true bisexuals) cannot function with the same gender in a monogamous relationship unless they force themselves. This is not necessarily a choice like the choice you made with your first husband to marry him...but 'not-really-marry' (which you fully support and it has not, evidently, threatened your "ethical code" of conduct, LOL!).
There is no lying, deceit or covertness in my relationship w/ J. I will never stay with him exclusively based on the man that I am --not by choice, but by nature.---and I never promised him this, never promised any 'marriage' or a facsimile thereof, never will. So your so-called ethical standards are a silly, convenient, egotistically-driven, hypocritical excuse given your past decisions. I am not judging your past...just trying to help you see the truth. So explain to me again why your "ethical code" of conduct is what really prevent you from being with me. I'm all ears.
I think you better check that moral compass of yours again...it is pointing due south.
Hi M., .. In my zest and desire to want to protect you, I seem to have a habit of going too far. I realize that you are an intelligent mature man, but something in me always wants to point things out to make sure you see what I see, and then it comes across to you as preaching. Sorry. I need to just back off and be a listener only and quit with the advice.
You did directly call Tara sexual prey, and that lead me to believe that you are fine with casual meaningless sex, .. that it is all about sexual physical pleasure. I never directly said that Ana is nothing but meaningless sex to you, but you did tell me you were going to keep your feelings 'in check' about her and the term 'fling', I did take it differently than how you meant it.
You really seem hung up about my open marriage. There was no cheating 'behind' each others back. There was no cheating at all because it was agreed upon between him and I that we would be true to our own nature and desires and that we would share that openly with each other, which we did. It worked perfectly for both of us and for what we both needed and wanted in our life at that time. I doubt it would have been a success with anyone else as my mate, and I doubt I will ever want that again, but it was the right decision for both him and I, and you really seem to hate me saying this, but I have absolutely no regrets with that decision. It worked for us, made us both happy, and we marched to the beat of our own drum. I was still very young and not ready for a traditional marriage with traditional rules, especially with this particular guy. He knew that but really wanted me for his wife, so we set the terms for what would make both of us happy instead of letting other people's religious beliefs, and set of rules, dictate our lives. He was very happy with me, and I was very happy with him and how he treated me. There was very much a movement towards sexual freedom at that time, the era of 'make love, not war' that was very much reflected in music, movies, and I even remember bare breasts and nudity showing up on prime time tv! Remember Woodstock and open nudity? Playboy and Hugh Hefner were big at that time as well showing off a very much hedonistic lifestyle and spouting sexual freedom. Then it all came crashing down when Reagan was voted into office and the conservatives and religious moral majority started banning public nudity and forcing their beliefs down everyone's throat. That sexual freedom era helped shape who I am today, and I became the wild child of my family. My sister, who is 10 yrs older than me, and who became a very young adult in the early sixties, got married I believe when she was 23 as I remember. She was a virgin on her wedding night. She told me that the sex lasted about 15 minutes, then he rolled over and turned on the tube to watch sports and ignored her! LOL Needless to say, she was disappointed that this is what she saved herself for on her wedding night. She is still married to that same selfish, hyper, immature idiot. She has basically sacrificed much of her own true self and happiness for the sake of 'tradition' and playing out her role all of her life as a traditional wife with traditional Christian values. They are Methodist. I asked her if she is happy with her husband, and she just moans and gives me an eye roll and a funny look. LOL She tolerates him.
You say I am speculating about sharing you with other guys and gals. Well, I say you are speculating about what is in my head! Very much so! Much of your opinion is based on how other women have reacted to you, so you think I have to be the same! You are not my mind and you are not me! So you don't know as much as you think you do mister smarty pants! LOL
Okay, .......... can we lighten up now? :)
1. It is not that I disliked your use of the word "myth" in your statement, per se,...it is that the usage of the word in this context was completely inaccurate. As a 38 year old, educated man...I did not appreciate your preachment on the topic. I understand how human pregnancy occurs.
2. I've never seriously looked upon anyone as 'sexual prey'. I don't have meaningless sex....relations with people whom I am not attracted or at least 'know' on some level. I did not appreciate the reference to what I have with Ana as simply 'meaningless sex'...and I apologize if I gave you that false impression. By a "fling" I meant s short-lived love affair. "Fling" was probably a poor choice or word then on my part. I do care about her and she me. Otherwise, she would not be in my home and my bed. She wants to stay/live here in my place so we can be together for the next two weeks or so until I leave. I am struggling with that now. I want her here but need to talk to J first. Europeans don't understand this...but I don't want to appear as I am hiding anything from him. She even wants me to come back now and then to continue this when I move back home should I choose. I saw that one coming. I don't do trans-Atlantic relationships ....they just don't work and they don't end well. Besides, I feel otherwise encumbered now. Gee, I must be a better lay than I thought, LOL! I told her that this would probably not be wise.
3. LOL--you kill me! Your so-called "code of ethics" would not allow you to be with a bisexual man who has a boyfriend who accepts his nature and condones his activities...but your code of ethics allowed you to enter into an open marriage which was your choice? Very incongruous, this code you live by. You sound like a bit of a casuist to me. Your "that was the time" excuse doesn't hold water. It was not something wildly accepted at the time...let's get that fact straight. On another germane sub-topic, I did not threaten nor force J to condone my sexuality by 'allowing' me to see women. I mean, you say he agreed to this out of duress? Do you seriously think that? Who have you been talking to? That is completely inaccurate. I have no desire to threaten or coerce anyone into accepting me. Can't for the life of me figure where you picked that little tidbit up. It is nonsense. I never even ASKED J nor did I FORCE him allow me to see women. He knows who I am and he knows if he wants to stay in a relationship with a bi man he needs to be realistic. Otherwise, he should date a gay man. I encouraged him to do just that, many times. He can have any gay man he wants...that is no word of a lie. He 'agreed' to nothing. He told me he feels 'liberated' that I can be myself and still come home to him. Men are different than women whether you believe it or not. You do not know what makes J tick. I think I do.
4. Your statement about sharing me with other men and women...you are speculating and have no idea how you would feel. In fact, I bet it would kill you to share. That is my feeling. So, as long as you are in the proverbial "first wife" position, you are okay with sharing me w/ both genders?...LOL! Again...this sounds very casuistic to me. Let me be clear on something...I do not condone cheating or extra-marital affairs....or recreational affairs outside of a committed relationship. With J, I do not see other men. I would not feel right about that nor do I desire it. Sex with women is part of my orientation that he knows he cannot fulfill. There is a difference between accepting sex with the other gender (as J does) and allowing it for both genders as you would in a similar relationship. I would not do that. I guess that must be part of my "Code of ethics".
Ana seems better. After checking some stuff On line, I decided not to call my mother knowing she would chastise me for not using a condom. Besides, I think she would be too excited about me seeing a woman, even though it is casual. Ana is usually not late, but has been
Hi M., .. Okay, you don't like my use of the word 'myth', so let me just withdraw that so you don't get upset. :) Darling, we really are in agreement that a woman's cycle of menses lessens the chance of pregnancy, and I think we are still in agreement that it isn't always fail proof, and that is the important point I was trying to make. Best to always use protection, end of story. Okay?
I'm happy to hear that Ana means something to you. Sometimes it does sound and seem like sex is the end all for you, and people are just 'sexual prey' ( your term not mine). Maybe you are not aware that sometimes that is how you come across. You did say that Ana is just a 'fling', so one could interpret that to mean sex with no feelings attached. Don't get mad, .. I'm just letting you know how it comes across, okay?
As for J, the one thing I do know that you cannot dispute, is his very deep deep love for you and the fact that if he had his way, he would not share you. He only does because he has no choice if he wants to keep you. Right? It is hard for me to think of getting involved with you in an intimate way when you are basically in love with someone else (J), and in a close and basically committed relationship with him. I have never allowed myself to interfere or get involved with a couple's relationship before, .. be it that they are married or just living together in a relationship. It doesn't feel right to me. Yes, I know you have his permission more or less out of no choice to him, because if he didn't say 'yes' to this, then he would lose you, so he is only okaying it out of duress and no choice. Right? I made a promise to you that if anything happened between you and J, then I will be there to comfort you and be with you in your time of need, and I will stay true to my word if that day comes. I may even decide to be intimate with you while you are still with him, but I need time to give that more thought because it will be breaking with the code of ethics I have lived by. You and this situation is completely different than anything I have ever come across. I always do my best to look and see what is down the road before I make decisions such as this. Since you are with Ana and developing feelings for her, you may decide to keep her in your life at the end of these two weeks, so you may not need or want me anyway. Let's just see what happens and go from there.
Now, to answer your question as to my statement that I would be willing to share you with guys and other gals. That was coming from a hypothetical setting where I am in a position in your life like J is, where I am more prominent in your life. I hope that answers your question.
Is it very unusual for Ana to be late with her period? If it happens all the time that her period can be off like that, then perhaps your sperm isn't necessarily what caused this menses to come late. But, if this is highly unusual and her flow is seldom this heavy, then you may have come closer than you know to dodging a pregnancy. When I miscarried, I was cramping so hard I could hardly stand it, and I had sweat dripping off of me and felt way over-heated. This happened however in July on a hot day right after I mowed the lawn, so I was already sweating and hot from that. My flow was at least medium when I am normally a light flow when I did have rare periods. Mostly I remember getting very faint and the room darkening on me. I came very close to passing out. I would like to know what your mom thinks is happening to Ana. I hope her cramping stops because that is miserable, and I certainly hope everything is okay with her. Take good care of her, and I know you will.
Look! I am not disputing that women can get pregnant during their periods! My former girlfriend got pregnant with a viable pregnancy and the ONLY time we had unprotected sex was when she was actively menstruating. I KNOW! What I object to is your pseudo-knowledge on the topic by deeming that if one has sex during menses it is a MYTH that it is a form of birth control. This is NOT a myth. If the human race decided to engage in sex only during menses...human populations would be vastly reduced!If the average young, healthy woman conceives at a fertile time (during ovulation) which is an average of 4 days per month...days 14-17 after menstruation (roughly...could be a bit later or earlier), and at that fertile time she has a 15% chance of her egg fertilizing, she, in comparison, only has LESS than a 1% chance during menses of her egg being fertilized...but that does, indeed, mean that pregnancy is not possible, it is ...but GREATLY reduced so it is NOT A MYTH. THAT is my point. Is this explanation any easier for you to comprehend? I demur and challenge your arbitrary and haphazard use of the term "myth" which was the crux of your point. I rest my case. Frankly, I think it a mistake for you to try to argue any branch of the biological sciences with me. Just sayin'
Let me say this: You can believe that what I want and what I desire is meaningless ex...but it is not. I could have meaningless sex if I wanted. With Tara...yes, that would have been pretty meaningless...and it would have been one time only...and I would have had regrets had we actually fucked for more than 10 seconds. Actually...we never even fucked. She was the aggressor and I believe most men would have gone through with it. Let me be clear...what I have with Ana is NOT meaningless sex...though it appears you would like to believe that. I have deep...YES, deep affection for her and I care about her though I have not known her very long. When I make love to her I express my emotions and feelings and my affection. It is far from meaningless...is this clear?
You do not know J so stop professing that you do! You have no idea what thinks. What suddenly made you an expert on the male species and the male neurological thinking process? you claim to know Jeffery better than I do! How absurd! He is with a bisexual and while he would love me to be gay, he accepts that I am not. I will never be with only him. Ever. He knows this!! He is not an uneducated dolt! He has gotten to the point where he accepts that losing me is far greater than losing a piece of me--his quote! But you are so concerned with him (whom you do not know) and less concerned with me and my needs! I never feel that all relationships have to last forever to be deemed a success. What I have with J is pretty awesome...but that does not mean that it is perfect or enduing. But again...you contradict yourself. You claim that you are so different from other women and that you would ""me with "men and other women". Really? Prove it. Stop the bullshit and prove it then. Explain EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT STATEMENT.
I am still on EST and not tired...Ana is fast asleep. Her period was 4-5 days late, according to her, and very heavy. I question if it was an early miscarriage. The bleeding was pretty heavy tonight during activity and we had to stop as she was having severe cramping. Is this normal for woman? This morning there was a lot of bleeding too during sex (but I was happy since it meant she was not pregnant). Ana says it is just a "heavy period". She keeps a brave face but I can tell she is in discomfort. I know this seems odd...but I am going to call my mom...the female and the MD. She will be all excited that I am having sex with a woman. I'll look it up on line too. So spell check. Later.................
Look! I am not disputing that women can get pregnant during their periods! My former girlfriend got pregnant with a viable pregnancy and the ONLY time we had unprotected sex was when she was actively menstruating. I KNOW! What I object to is your pseudo-knowledge on the topic by deeming that if one has sex during menses it is a MYTH that it is a form of birth control. This is NOT a myth. If the human race decided to engage in sex only during menses...human populations would be vastly reduced!If the average young, healthy woman conceives at a fertile time (during ovulation) which is an average of 4 days per month...days 14-17 after menstruation (roughly...could be a bit later or earlier), and at that fertile time she has a 15% chance of her egg fertilizing, she, in comparison, only has LESS than a 1% chance during menses of her egg being fertilized...but that does, indeed, mean that pregnancy is not possible, it is ...but GREATLY reduced so it is NOT A MYTH. THAT is my point. Is this explanation any easier for you to comprehend? I demur and challenge your arbitrary and haphazard use of the term "myth" which was the crux of your point. I rest my case. Frankly, I think it a mistake for you to try to argue any branch of the biological sciences with me. Just sayin'
Let me say this: You can believe that what I want and what I desire is meaningless ex...but it is not. I could have meaningless sex if I wanted. With Tara...yes, that would have been pretty meaningless...and it would have been one time only...and I would have had regrets had we actually fucked for more than 10 seconds. Actually...we never even fucked. She was the aggressor and I believe most men would have gone through with it. Let me be clear...what I have with Ana is NOT meaningless sex...though it appears you would like to believe that. I have deep...YES, deep affection for her and I care about her though I have not known her very long. When I make love to her I express my emotions and feelings and my affection. It is far from meaningless...is this clear?
You do not know J so stop professing that you do! You have no idea what thinks. What suddenly made you an expert on the male species and the male neurological thinking process? you claim to know Jeffery better than I do! How absurd! He is with a bisexual and while he would love me to be gay, he accepts that I am not. I will never be with only him. Ever. He knows this!! He is not an uneducated dolt! He has gotten to the point where he accepts that losing me is far greater than losing a piece of me--his quote! But you are so concerned with him (whom you do not know) and less concerned with me and my needs! I never feel that all relationships have to last forever to be deemed a success. What I have with J is pretty awesome...but that does not mean that it is perfect or enduing. But again...you contradict yourself. You claim that you are so different from other women and that you would ""me with "men and other women". Really? Prove it. Stop the bullshit and prove it then. Explain EXACTLY WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT STATEMENT.
I am still on EST and not tired...Ana is fast asleep. Her period was 4-5 days late, according to her, and very heavy. I question if it was an early miscarriage. The bleeding was pretty heavy tonight during activity and we had to stop as she was having severe cramping. Is this normal for woman? This morning there was a lot of bleeding too during sex (but I was happy since it meant she was not pregnant). Ana says it is just a "heavy period". She keeps a brave face but I can tell she is in discomfort. I know this seems odd...but I am going to call my mom...the female and the MD. She will be all excited that I am having sex with a woman. I'll look it up on line too. So spell check. Later.................
I have a close friend who lives out of state, that got pregnant on the second day of her period. I knew a coworker years ago who got pregnant on the first day of her period. My point is that it happens! Is it worth playing Russian roulette and hoping your timing fits in with the majority? I think you are very foolish if you answer 'yes'. The key words in your response were " in most cases "! Honey, I wish you could take what I say the way it is intended, which is to simply protect you, and not have to shoot me down in the process. I was not trying to be pompous and all knowing, but I knew I was right when I spoke of babies being created during some of these supposed safe times in a woman's cycle. I appreciate your biology lesson none the less.
I am not waiting for you to profess your undying love to me, and I am not building my future around you as is evidenced by my putting myself out there to meet guys who are looking for someone special like I am. Someone very decent and kind like Tony is. I nevertheless think very highly of you, Michael, and still hope to meet and experience you someday when your dick isn't so busy and when my appearance will not cause hurt or concern to another person such as J. He may be giving you permission to be with women, but you are fooling yourself if you think it doesn't hurt him or give him concerns when you are having intimate relations with another. To you, it is meaningless sex, but I have never had meaningless sex with a guy. It has always been at the very least a show of my great affection for my lover. J worries constantly that you will fall for another too, yet your relationship with him keeps working, and you are still committed to him. There is no difference between what he feels for you and what a woman feels, yet it's working. I have not been insincere in the least with any of my statements, so I don't understand your last sentence in your prior post.
On a lighter note, I hope you are enjoying Ana, and she is bringing you joy. I already know she is, so I hope that will bring you a good rest and sleep which you desperately need. All my love, .. Storm
"I must be cruel only to be kind".
Allow me to correct you, yet again. But before I do may I request of you that you kindly refrain with your pontifications...particularly when they contain incorrect assumption as in the following amendment to your counterfactual post. Having unprotected sex during active menstruation does, in most cases, prevent or nullify the prospect of fertilization. This is not a "myth" as you deemed it. A myth is an imagined, invented or fictitious concept. Human females cannot ovulate while they are shedding their uterine lining, therefore, intercourse during menses greatly reduces or diminshes their chance of conception. It is unusual for a women to become pregnant during her period (assuming it is the first days and not the tail end of bleeding). Why this practice can, in a small number of cases, result in fertilization in the very fertile (usually young) female can be attributed to the following: The female is probably at the latter end of her 5 day menstruation cycle; the male's sperm has a survival rate past the normal 3 days; and the female has an early ovulation cycle (instead of ovulating 14 days after the first day of her period, she is ovulating much earlier than an average 28 day cycle allows ...say 7-10 days after the first day of her period instead). It generally has to be a perfect storm for fertilization to occur. If you clam to know a bunch of women, personally, who became pregnant during their periods...THAT is a myth, or they are lying. Yes, it happens and don't I know this first hand! But, I still would feel comfortable, even given my experience, ejaculating internally on the first or second day (maybe even 3rd) of a woman's period. I believe with Liz it was probably the end of her period and we were tempting fate. Having just written all of this, Ana did tell me she has her period now and I still did use a condom this morning. Does this make you feel better. So everything is fine. Right? I do appreciate your concern, but it appears we are in the clear as far as a little Michael toddling around the this planet any time soon. Agreed?
Why would it break your heart because you feel I "want to lump you in with all other women"? This is my experience; and you are even afraid to see me if I don't profess my undying love beforehand for Christ sakes! I mean...get real. IF you were so "different" as you claim..then you would not have been afraid to see me when I was with J (even early on) and with Bea and now with J and Ana. Since you are so willing to share...why not share now? J has already told me I could sleep with woman, and Ana is temporary sexual fling. But you talk a big game, LOL! You say you are so different because you would share me with men and women. I "know" you and I know what you "are about"...yes, I know you better than you think...you would worry constantly that I would fall in love with another lover, desire someone more, want to be with them more...admit it. Still no? Then put your money where your mouth is and stop spouting these platitudes....saying that the truth breaks your heart. I know from whence I speak! I am not angry, but I do not like insincerity.
"I must be cruel only to be kind".
Allow me to correct you, yet again. But before I do may I request of you that you kindly refrain with your pontifications...particularly when they contain incorrect assumption as in the following amendment to your counterfactual post. Having unprotected sex during active menstruation does, in most cases, prevent or nullify the prospect of fertilization. This is not a "myth" as you deemed it. A myth is an imagined, invented or fictitious concept. Human females cannot ovulate while they are shedding their uterine lining, therefore, intercourse during menses greatly reduces or diminshes their chance of conception. It is unusual for a women to becoem pregnant during her period (assuming it is the first days and not the tail end of bleeding). Why this practice can, in a small number of cases, result in fertilization in the very fertile (usually young) female can be attributed to the following: The female is probably at the latter end of her 5 day menstruation cycle; the male's sperm has a survival rate past the normal 3 days; and the female has an early ovulation cycle (instead of ovulating 14 days after the first day of her period, she is ovulating much earlier than an average 28 day cycle allows ...say 7-10 days after the first day of her period instead of the average 14. It generally has to be a perfect storm for fertilization to occur. If you clam to know a bunch of women personally who became pregnant during their periods...THAT is a myth or they are lying. Yes, it happens and I know this first hand! But, Is till would feel comfortable, even given my experience, ejaculating on the first or second day of a women's period. I believe with Liz it was probably the end of her period and we were tempting fate. Having just written all of this, Ana did tell me she has her period now and I still did use a condom this morning. Does this make you feel better. So everything is fine. Right? I do appreciate your concern, but it appears we are in the clear as far as a little Michael toddling around the this planet any time soon. Agreed?
Why would it break your heart because you feel I "want to lump you in with all other women"? This is my experience; and you are even afraid to see me if I don't profess my undying love beforehand for Christ sakes! I mean...get real. IF you wre so "different" as you claim..then you would not have been afraid to see me when Iw as with J (even early on) and with Bea and now with J and Ana. Since you are so willing to share...why not share now? J has already told me I could sleep with woman and he has, and Ana is temporary sexual fling. But you talk a big game, LOL! You say you are so different because you would share me with men and women. I "know" you and I know what you "are about"...yes, I know you better than you think...you would worry constantly that I would fall in love with another lover, desire someone more, want to be with them more...admit it. Still no? Then put your money where your mouth is and stop spouting these platitudes....saying that the truth breaks your heart. I know from whence I speak! I am not angry, but I do not like insincerity.
You're cruel! :) So what is the story with Ana? Is she on her period right now? Sorry to be indelicate. I just want to know for certain that you are indeed safe from fatherhood at this time. And please do not trust that having unprotected sex during a woman's menses is safe, as many babies have been born from that myth. I'm just trying to protect you, as you surely know. You're breaking my heart that you want to lump me in with all other women, when you still do not truly know me and what I'm about. Someday you will find out you're wrong about me.
I meant to write I got less than 2 (NOT 3) hours sleep last night. Not to mention my myriad of other spelling offenses and typos. LOL!! Guess I am worn out and exhausted!
I am getting my warm, soapy bath complete with foot massage and rubdown tonight. Hope you are sufficiently jealous.
Ha ha...denial. That is what they all say in the beginning. Seriously. I always tell the truth, they tell me that they are more evolved, think differently, etc. But women are women. I beg to differ: M?Y ways are compatible with no self-respecting woman...trust that. do not enter relationships knowing I will cheat. End of story. But, surely you see you contradict yourself...you deny me because of J or because of Ana or 'wahtever' and 'whomever' is convenient...and then you tell me you won't deny me men or other women. Makes no sense. But alas...'tis a moot point anyway...as I am no longer free enough to pursue other lovers. I am too tired! You missed your window it seems. And I get bored of trying. Sorry :(
J drained me, quite literally. Arrived home very late (or more accurately, very early...) to find Ana fast asleep, nude as I had requested, in my bed. Didn't have the heat to wake her knowing she would have to get up in another hour or 2 for work. However, I did make love to her before she left for the office this morning...now I am very tired. I got less than 3 hours sleep last night, including on the plane, so I am working form home on Ana's computer server. I bribed her.... told her if she left her laptop for me, I would do something very dirty, possibly quasi- illegal in some municipalities, to her this evening. It worked ;)
Hi Romeo, .. Thanks for the warning, but I've already wrapped my heart around you and accept you for all that you are. Since I am pretty much a loner and use to being on my own for many years now, I find your ways compatible with my own. I certainly would never keep you from affairs with guys 'cause that happens to turn me on. With other women, I can only hope you would be kind enough to share them with me! :)
So, how are you feeling lover boy? Did J leave enough man juice in you to have a good time with Ana when you arrived? Are you still at home or did you go to work?
My label would read: "Beware! I am going to seduce you into having really awesome sex with me and then when you want an exclusive or even a semi-exclusive relationship, I'll begin to look elsewhere. I will drive you crazy with my neurotic ways which, in the beginning, you will find charming and endearing. Then you will become frustrated and annoyed by my idiosyncrasies, extreme insensitivity devoid of any compassion, and perpetual lack of commitment on any minute level; and then you will possibly slap me or call me something very crude...words you never thought you would utter to another human. None of this will be evident to you at the onset of our courting. Then toward the end, you will nearly demand if not outright demand that I stop seeing others and when I don't abide (because I will not) you will hate me (never believing at the beginning you could ever feel this way about me ). But, I won't care at that point."
Yup--that is what mine would say. I am much better at casual non-committed affairs. Truly I am.
I wish men came with a label on their forehead that said things like, " I'm going to treat you like shit!" Then, I could make a wise decision! hahaha By the way, you're not allowed to die on me, okay? I'll really be pissed at you if you do, so don't you dare! I would be devastated. :(
LOL Oh you are so cute! Well guess what? I have been down and dirty with a woman, though I have never strapped one on! hahaha That really would not appeal to me, but I really like kissing women because their mouth is so soft compared to a guy, and I like touching and exploring their body and feeling a bond and closeness with a woman and just having fun with her. It's erotica pure and simple. I am way too shy to initiate other than smile and turn on a green light in response, but it takes the other woman to be the aggressor or nothing is going to happen. I don't really outwardly seek looking for women, and there aren't very many that actually turn me on, but every now and then I see one that is my type and I find myself like you do, undressing her in my mind and fantasizing. I think you may be right that I am probably about 80/20 in my make up and desire. But I will tell you this, .. when I self pleasure, it is by far, more fantasies about being with women than with guys. So now what do you think? I say I am bisexual. :)
Babe, you still have me wrong that I will never get together with you. Wrong wrong wrong! I have my reasons why now isn't good and I know you think they are flimsy excuses, but my gosh, I look at your situation with J and now Ana, and your unsettled feelings for Elizabeth, and everything in me is just telling me to wait and be patient. Knowing you are with a woman right now is only easy for me because I know she is classy and worthy of you and a very decent person, and also that this thing with her is temporary, so I'm happy for you, even though I wish it was me getting to spend time with you and spoiling you the way you like to be pampered. Even Bea was smart enough to back off when she saw how close you and J are. I feel the same. I find it quite curious that Bea says she just got engaged and plans to marry Karl, yet the first thing she tries to do is come running to see you! That isn't the way a woman in love should be behaving, don't you think? She fully intended and wanted to have sex with you again, and I think she would have been with high desire and hope that you would tell her not to marry him , and that you loved her and wanted her. That is what I think she was hoping would happen. Okay, you can disagree with me now, but I still bet I'm right. After all, she already told you in the recent past that her love for you runs much deeper than what she feels for Karl, so you can't tell me my feeling about this is far fetched. It wasn't very long ago she was telling you that she was dismayed with Karl and left feeling very frustrated and living apart from him, and even that she would NOT marry him. And now all of a sudden this quick turn around? Don't be surprised if she keeps delaying the wedding date. That's all I'm going to say, and I bet she will come to NYC to see you in the near future. She is far from over you.
Tony hasn't responded back yet to my message to him. I feel good about what I said to him, so I think he will respond fairly soon. I am really wanting to get to know him, but I do feel some fear that I will grow very attached to him, and then what if leukemia takes him from me? He said all his siblings have passed. I may be setting myself up for some more heartbreak! Kevin died 16 and a half years ago and I'm still not over that one, and he was only in my life for just short of a year. I really need some happiness to come my way. This last guy I just got out of my life for good who still has all his stuff here, was a nightmare and didn't treat me well. He was a binge drinker, and there were several occasions where I had to flee my own home and sleep in my car to get away from his angry drunken rages. You have no idea! Again, another guy that I let step into my life and he turned out as well to be something other than what he portrayed himself to be. I wish men came with a label on their forehead that said things like, " I'm going to treat you like s
s/b...."what I am saying is that a younger teen or young adult who may be........"
I should clarify...what I am saying is as a younger teen or young adult who is inexperienced sexually can feel gay or bi and it just might be so. But a grown person with a lot of sexual experience cannot assume she is bi until she has been with a woman sexually. I stand by that. Best I can say is that you may possibly have bi leanings, but you are not bisexual. I just don't see it or feel it.
being bi means you are not only attracted to both genders, but sexually active with both...or have been in the past. I think female sexuality is very fluid and women can be attracted to the softness of another women...I think you are a 90/10 or an 80/20 at best. That does not necessarily equate to being bi either...just an slight attraction to the same sex. Big deal. I say you are straight with 'curious leanings' as you are very open-minded when it comes to sexuality. Remember I know very many bi and gay people. My bisexuality is not like what you think yours is. I am much more defined and active and until you get down and dirty with another women and come up for air and say you really liked it...no dice. I say you are straight :)
Just sayin'
You feel CHEATED that you don't know what I look like? Really? Don't you recall invitations to see me, meet me and vacation with me? You certainly could have seen what I looked like in the flesh. All invitations were declined (let's not try to support your reasons for the rebuff again), so no sympathy for you from my end, ma dear. I guess if you "like visuals" then you could have seen me in the flesh, my home, etc. and preserved your very own visual. "The gang" does not know what I look like, sans Ellery. If I gave you my address, my photo, my personal info...cell phone, e-mail (which I never give out and rarely do I use either for personal communication) you would be satisfied to hide behind all that technology and never meet...wouldn't you? You don't even realize it. I am sure the fact that I am bi and live so far away is subconsciously appealing to you this way you have an excuse to never meet me and risk rejection. You are probably glad that this dude from Hoboken lives so far away and he has leukemia so he will be busy with treatments or ailing or convalescing and then you never have to meet him either. Right? Yes, I am right. You will realize this at some point :D Sorry...not going to make this easier for you or allow you to drag this out.
Of course I wouldn't even dream of getting involved with someone who works for J. that would be disrespectful to him and plain stupid. This women would not consider fucking J's boyfriend (up until the kiss J planted on me by him, she was unsure if J and I were friends or lovers ). Additionally, she is hot for him and she'd like to keep her job. Trust me, that would piss J off. And he doesn't get annoyed easily. My guess is that my bisexuality, if she was aware of it, would not scare someone like her off. I bet she is hoping J is bi. Most younger women living in cosmopolitan cities are not deterred by ambiguous sexuality.
I am not going to insult Ana. I believe her. I don't know how to say this other than she is not some low class no-life twit trying to trap me. I don't think this trapping phenomena is as prevalent in my mecca. She is 35, successful, upper middle class and don't forget she asked me twice not to come inside of her...but I did. It is my fault. I talked her into unprotected sex. Okay? If she tells me she is not pregnant, I believe she is menstruating now from what she said and I am not going to be so rude as to ask her to pee on a stick in my presence. That would be offensive...don't you think? If she is pregnant (Which I highly doubt) and does not want to terminate..I will not attempt to change her mind. Pregnancy will not force me to commit to anyone. Trust me. Yes I know she could tell me she is over her period when I get there...but there is not much I can do about that. It is hard over the phone and I think being there with her will make it easier.
Well, I don' know that I will end up with a woman. I am not interested in "ending up" with anyone. I know that when I was with women I always craved men. Always. That is why I got slapped and dumped so often, LOL! I think J satisfies me to such a degree that I crave no other dudes...plus he is really hot. Why look around? I think if I were with a woman now for the past months and living with her, etc...I'd be craving more dudes. I never craved other women with Elizabeth or Bea even as a far as I can recall..but I craved men. And the sex with J is certainly the best I've had. But, of course I constantly crave females...especially that nurturing aspect, the tenderness. Well, I have to tell you...I know you think you are bi, but I am dubious. In fact, I strongly suspect you are straight but open-minded and curious. I don;t think you can, as an adult with ample sexual experience, consider yourself bi until you have had sex with a woman. I mean e** p**** * and strap one on. I am serious. Being attracted to a pretty face or a nice bod does not make you bisexual. Being bi means you are not only attracted to bot
I forgot to add this little tidbit. I had no idea where Hoboken was, so last thing I did last night at about 1:30am before I turned off my computer and retired, was look on Google maps for it. I was very surprised when I zoomed out on the map and saw Manhattan and Central Park so close by. I am guessing you still live close by Central Park, so I use that as my best reference to your location. Is Hoboken a nice suburb? I zoomed down to street level and where it took me was on a street that looked pretty old and maybe slightly run down. I didn't put in any street names or coordinates since I haven't a clue about the place, it is just where it decided to place me for whatever reason. It didn't appear to be a very busy street. I ran the direction arrows to the nearest intersection and then did a 360 look around. What I saw was an old neighborhood with no idea where I really was other than somewhere in Hoboken. I wish you could tell me an address where your apartment building is, then I could look it up and see it at street level. You know I like visuals. I could even do that in London and see the outside of your flat and what it looks like! Next best thing to being there. I know you will tell me you don't dare do that on here, and I agree, not a good idea. But you could still get that info to me over the phone or other ways. I feel cheated that the gossip gang knows more personal details, including how you look, than I do. :( Is Sarah still trying to plan a trip to come see you when you get back?
Darn. I should have been within the 4000 keystrokes from what it said. The last word was 'them'. It left off the 'm'.
In regards to Tony, he didn't get my message until late last night. One thing I really like about this date site is, .. it tells you whether they have actually read your message or not, and it also shows who has looked at your profile on a daily basis, and then you can click on who they are and check them out as well. It showed that Tony visited my site again yesterday and probably after he got my message. I have six songs right now that play continuously when people are viewing my profile and maybe he likes listening to my music choices. He has some songs on his I really like as well, especially ' To Love Somebody ' by the BeeGees. As of last night, he hadn't responded back, and I have yet to check over there this morning, which is what I will do next. I am always eager to check here first thing to see if I have anything from you. When so, .. it puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day. It's a priority thing don'tcha know! :)
Hi lover boy, .. Oh how I wish I could have been at that party! I would say you and J were the main entertainment for everyone! LOL I wish I could have been sitting beside you when you were talking to that pretty woman. I would have looked her up and down with you. I wonder what she would have done then. :) I'm thinking J was at least half right in his assertion that she was digging for info, .. it's obvious she was, but I don't find it hard to believe at all that she was also attracted to you, at least up to the time he kissed you! As you know, some women are accepting and even turned on by that, like me, and for others it is too much or even repulsive. So do you think she is the latter? What was the look on her face when you kissed her? I'm sure she figured it out by then that you are bisexual. It certainly would not be wise to entertain any thoughts of getting involved in any way whatsoever with any of J's employees. That would be akin to dropping a nuclear bomb! hahaha
Babe, when you get back to London, PLEASE make sure that Ana is having a period and that there is no chance she is hiding a pregnancy from you. I'm sorry to always be so suspicious of other women, but there is the slightest chance that she may feel you will want her to abort a pregnancy, and she could possibly try to hide it from you until it is too late. Call me paranoid if you like and I may well be, but if she claims she already had a period and is over it when you get there, I strongly suggest you buy her a pregnancy test and make her take it and just tell her you want to be absolutely sure for your peace of mind. Hopefully she won't go in the bathroom and just run water over it which would show negative results. I know you trust her and are thinking by now that I am just being ridiculous, but she isn't going to want to let you go in two weeks and a baby would keep her bonded to you for life even if you don't live with her. I swear Michael, she is in love with you and that can make a person do some extreme things to try to hold onto someone. I hope you will give some thought to what I have said. After all, even as sweet and charming as she seems to be, you really don't know her yet and what she might be capable of. The guy that abused me and turned out to be a hideous monster in all ways was incredibly charming, kind, charismatic, handsome as all get out, thoughtful, even wrote a beautiful song for me that he played and sung on his guitar and it melted my heart. I fell in love with him and for six months we were in heaven. Then that day on the way to the supermarket, he snapped and changed on me overnight. Did you ever see Fatal Attraction and how Glen Close's character changed and revealed herself? Look. Likely I am way over reacting and I hope she is as sweet as you think she is, but for your sake and to make sure she is being truthful with you about not being pregnant, don't take her word for it, check and verify anyway you can. If she is having a period and you see the proof, then fine and well. If she claims she already did during just one week you were gone, then I would check and verify by having her do a pregnancy test in front of you. I'm just trying to look out for you babe, so please don't get mad at my thoughts on this. I know you will now tell me I'm crazy and off the deep end! LOL I love you and that's for real. Just remember that. :)
Let me end your confusion on your sexual identity. You are bisexual like me! hahaha I also think that like me, you have a heavier leaning towards the opposite sex. I am more so that way than you are as I can only really see myself falling in love with guys, not women, and I want to share my life with a man, not a woman. I leave my mind wide open to possibilities, and there is probably a woman out there somewhere I could fall in love with, but my love of men is so strong. I think you desire a woman over a man when it comes to love and spending your life with the
I think you would have liked this party. Loads of good looking dudes...of course, I was with the best looking one there...that's no lie. Additionally, they played a lot of music...all New Years themed...about 30 different versions of Auld Land Syne, any other song you can imagine that has the world "New Years" contained within it and all songs that mention New York...i.e.: New York, New York", "New York State of Mind" (my favorite NY song), etc. Well, they played the song by your fav group U2 "New Years Day"...even though it appears to be a song about war and love separated by war. Well, the part where your boyfriend Bono sings " I want to be with you , be with you night and day" J decides to loudly serenade me to those words along with the music on the rooftop and then proceeds to kiss me again on the lips. LOL--I liked it. And I think that sealed the deal as far as any question on his sexuality as far as onlookers were concerned.
I was talking with J about Ana and my strong attraction to her and many other females...he told me he likes for me to talk about this with him and then we can both accept it without hiding anything. He really understands. I told him that I feel so attracted to women...but he is really the only dude I seem to be strongly attracted to now and that I wondered if I am closer to being straight than bi. He laughed and said (warning: pardon the frank and graphic statement).."babe, anyone who loves to s*** c**** as much as you do cannot possibly be straight". LOL! True...and a good point, I must agree. J thinks I am not attracted to other dudes because I have such strong feelings for him. What do you think?
Ana did not divulge much to me. She told me everything was okay and she was not pregnant and I should not worry. J thinks she may have been saying that just so I would not worry and keep asking her. I don't think she likes me asking.
Did you hear from Tony? You realize that Hoboken is about 4 miles outside of Manhattan...the closest suburb to NYC.
About buying a flat in London. I told her it was very expensive and hard to accomplish unless you have a connection. She said "What was your connection?" I told her my former girlfriend's current and longtime boyfriend had extensive connections and he helped me out at her request. She seemed pleased at that, albeit confused. Then she asked me if I was seeing anyone now. I said "well, what do you think"? She said "I have my suspicions." I said "Are you seeing anyone"? She replied "no one special" Then she said "Let me ask you this way...do you have a girlfriend?" I said "I just started dating a woman in London." And she replied "So, you are not gay then,...I didn't think so." I said "No, not gay" as I continued to leer at her. She liked it too. I couldn't help it. Well, I succeeded at confusing the hell out of her. Then J comes by and drags me away to introduce me to more people. I said to J.." Hey, she is hot and I think she likes me". He said "she doesn't like you she is just trying to get info on me, keep it in your pants, babe". By the time the clock struck midnight, she was standing very close to both J and me...I am sure hoping for a midnight kiss form him...or form me as a consolation. But once J planted the big open mouthed one on me...I heard a muffled "oh my god" and I think it came from her. So I turned around and kissed her on the lips. LOL! J was annoyed. I think I traumatized her for life. No more champagne for me.
I am leaving in the late afternoon. All direct to London was booked for morning and early afternoon...no surprise with the backlog of flights, so I will be departing later in the day. Works fine for me, only Ana will be fast asleep when I get to my flat, so no sex. J wore me out big time this week so it's just as good I get a 24 hour rest between physical activity. The dude is trying to make me a shitty lover to all but him. Ana is fine. I spoke to her New Years eve and then again yesterday when J was not hovering. She kept telling me she missed me and was "warming my bath"--LOL! Yes, I told her about my bathing fetish and she is all into it! Promised me a back rub, foot massage and other pampering. But, I admit that I will miss J when I leave.
Sounds like you need a better virus protection program. Just use 'google images' to view photos. That should avoid the pop-up porn. The photos of Bridget Hall are gorgeous...though she was much younger in the pix. According to J, she is around his age now, so 34-35. Physically, they would have made a very attractive couple! Only J isn't into females...or blonds.
J told me that he wants to 'show me off' and that he wants to "scream it from the mountain". I still think there were plenty confused people at the party. There will be a lot of water cooler speculation come Monday...that I assured him. Says he doesn't care anymore. Well, good for him. When we first walked in, I could see we were getting looks from the same group that was at the office on Thursday...speculating in their minds. But having bro come with us provided more confusion and was more perplexing for onlookers. People were almost afraid to ask me questions and to male conversation...naturally, nobody questioned J. At one point an uncomfortable guy said "umm...so, do you live in NY?" I replied "yes, but I have lived in London for the past few months". He looked confused. Then piped out "well, how do you know Jeffery?" I could tell he regretted that statement as soon as he uttered it. I replied "Oh we've been friends for a long time, couple of years". He looked relived and said "Oh, okay". I didn't tell anyone that we lived together nor did I express that our relationship was beyond friendship as nobody came out and asked me. But I think when J walked up to me and took me by the hand to introduce me to more folks...that was telling. When he kissed me on the lips at midnight and gave me a bear hug..telling. All eyes were on us, I felt it. He was very proudly introducing me to everyone and you just don't do that with a dude-friend. I met this woman he works with whom J has been telling me about. Apparently, she is very obvious about her attraction for him. J says she is a bit bold and makes it no secret. He had to tell her on more than one occasion that it is not appropriate for him to even have dinner with a "subordinate"...certainly not in his position. He tells me she is great at her job, but he had to tell her to cool it. Anyway, he says she still flirts and throws out hints as to her hopes. She is beautiful so if I were in J's position...I would have succumbed. Anyway, she began to talk to me (J warned me about her). I could tell she was resigned that J was now gay and it all made sense. She looked sad, disappointed. She boldly, unlike the others, began grilling me about J and about our relationship. I kept looking at her...her eyes, her tits I could not help it I felt myself looking her up and down...and she noticed. She knew I wasn't gay and this confused her more. We were talking for about 30 minutes and I found myself flirting...and smiling at her, saying things I should not have been saying (i had a glass of champagne which was a mistake) . So, she says "Remind me again how exactly you know Jeffery". I told her I met him 2-3 years ago. She said "AND"? I said "and what"? and she just smiled, she touched me a lot too, I liked it. She asked me about buying a flat in London and I told her it was very
Hi M., .. ?? I take it J looked over your shoulder and you had to break off in mid-sentence. LOL I had an entire long paragraph written out to you a minute ago, and then I left for a moment to Google pics of Bridget Hall because I had no idea who she was, and when I did, I clicked on one of the pics of her to enlarge it and a porn window popped up instead and then all hell happened on my computer trying to get rid of it, and I ended up losing what I had already typed out to you, so I'm starting over. Ugh. Jamie was on my computer most of the day playing games, which kind of irritated me, but he seldom does that, so I just read and watched some tv instead. His computer has been down for months. The dream home that HGTV is giving away is in Stowe, Vermont this year. The house, the furnishings, the GMC Denali that goes with it makes the prize package worth over $2,000,000. It's in the Green Mountains and is absolutely fabulous! I sure wouldn't mind winning it. It has a hot tub and fireplace outside with fantastic views. It would make a great little love nest for you to come visit me. :)
Well, I would say J is definitely out now! It is just as well, and I can't imagine anyone would think any less of him. Of course now, maybe some of those nice looking guys that work for him will start flirting with him! haha Just kidding. I'm glad Daniel worked out okay for you, and glad you had a good time. I can tell that J was very proud and happy to show you off to everyone. Nothing wrong with that ...
Well babe, I guess you leave back to London tomorrow morning. I hope you have time to drop me a line before you leave, and can stay in touch while you're over there. Will you still have time or desire to visit Naomi and her son? I bet he misses you bad. Is everything okay with Ana?
So, this is how the re
Bro ended up coming...but, luckily, fell asleep there...LOL...so we were able to stay for a long time. He complained...but then relented under duress; and ample bribes. Bro became agitated within the fist hour of being there..so I asked the host if there was a quiet room where he could watch television or use a computer for a while...of course because I came with J he was bending over backwards trying to appease me. So bro stayed in a quiet back room with a tv and computer much of the time ...I checked on him every 1/2 hour. He was quite happy to be away from the crowd. He made an appearance for some food and to chat with me a few times but was pretty much anti-social. That's him! But I think he actually had a better time than he would have at home! Before we left bro said "I don't think I want to go anymore, you tow go without me." J looked at me and said "If Daniel stays home, we stay home." This is why I love the dude. He meant it too. But bro rallied and said he would come so J could see his friends and he thought they would have better food than what we had at home, LOL!
It amazed me how powerful J is at work. Everyone was so solicitous of him, almost abashed and ill-at-ease around him...BUT it is very obvious that he commands a lot of respect from his staff. They were going out of their way to wait on him and be nice to me, bro....and it was like I came to the party with Obama, LOL! Before we left I said "well, if someone asks me if we are dating or if we are "a couple", or if I'm gay or bi...how would you prefer I respond?" J said "say what you want...but if you do not feel comfortable responding...just defer them to me...I can guaranty they will not pose any personal questions of that nature to me." He introduced me in the following manner: "This is Michael and his brother Daniel" as opposed to "these are my friends Michael and Daniel" or "this is Michael and Daniel". this, in my estimation, was a bit of a giveaway. Those who met me already at his work on Thursday were not surprised that J was being escorted to the party by a dude. It must be obvious to those others at the party, as it is obvious to me by the way he looks at me and constantly smiles at me, touches me that he is smitten, big time. I am going to end for the moment as J is still trying to spy. Lots more to reprot. But later :)
Overall, it was an odd evening. The couple who hosted (the dude works for J) have a nice place in Manhattan equipped with a large roof deck where we could hear the millions of people celebrating in nearby Times Square and see the fireworks. That was pretty awesome. Times Square is a mob scene on New Years so I never go there...besides, you have to get there by early afternoon.
Well, yes...J planted one on me and hugged me, very tightly, at midnight. Yes, I think the cat is out of the bag. He also serenaded me and held my hand at one point. Yes, we got many confused and nervous looks. This is so different than how J presents himself at work. He is the consummate professional and is very tight-lipped about his personal life. He told me on the way home, which turned out to be 4:00 am, that maybe now everyone at work will stop trying to fix him up with their sister, daughter, friend, fashion model (yes, J told me that one of his clients tried to fix him up, many times, with Bridget Hall who is a fashion model...I'd never heard of her...but I looked her up on line and she is hot...she was interested in him, but he declined), neighbor, college roommate, celebrity friend...etc.
Gotta run...J is spying behind me again .....more soon.
Happy New Year and Good Morning Michael! Sooooo, did he do it in front of everyone? Is he out now by kissing you? How was the party and did Daniel enjoy it?
Hi M., .. I just left Tony a message and gave him my phone number, which I don't give out easily. He lives in Hoboken, NJ so it must be close to the same number of miles separating you and me! :) I would love to play tour guide if he decides to come to New Mexico. I might even show him the ' secret garden '! haha I really like him, and would love for something to develop, but I know he is getting many responses from the ladies, so I don't want to get my hopes up too high. We'll see how it goes. Did you get your call in to Ana? Did it get hot and steamy? Do tell. :) I hope you really enjoy your time at the party. I'll send an air kiss and hug your way at midnight! Love ya, .. Storm
Yes, we shamelessly bribed bro to come to the party with us. Actually..I made him feel badly telling him J really wanted to go but neither of us wanted to leave him alone. Then I promised to take him to Dylan's tomorrow and watch "Date Night" a, most likely, horrid movie he wants to see that is out on DVD.
We are leaving at 9:30for the party. J seems excited to be escorting me to a private work function. As I said, this is real progress for him!
LOL--don't think Daniel is interested in a 'peep show' or seeing either of our dicks...he is very heterosexual. J and I spend a lot of time behind closed doors and frequently, I am in my bedroom, alone, doing work as it is quiet in there. Bro is accustomed to just barging in whenever...and he doesn't have the capacity to read those social cues which tell him NOT to do something or not to say something that might be perceived as inappropriate.
Yes, Tony seems like a nice, honest dude. Are you going to let him pass by too? Where does he live...Iceland? Greenland? Indonesia? Is he far enough away that you can think of an excuse as to why you can't meet up with him? He seems like he is interested in traveling...and perhaps in seeing New Mexico...so why don't you invite him? Can't you take a hint? Or are you looking for another reason to NOT meet someone in 3-D and not put yourself out there? Hmmmm? Which is it?
'Go for it' is what I suggest! Invite the dude to your state.
Me? Put up a profile for a dating service? LOL--not sure I actually need it right now. At the very moment that I become celibate for a year or more...I promise to put up a profile!
LOL You had better get a lock on that bedroom door when you get back to stay. I really think, not that I actually know of course, that Daniel knows exactly what he's doing when he hears strange noises and moaning coming from your bedroom. I'm sure by now he knows he can get a free peep show without repercussions! hahaha Too funny. Anything I quoted to you from J's twitter came from what I read of the gossip gang discussing his tweets amongst themselves on that same site I am no longer going to. That is how I knew they were spying on the two of you and why I warned you about it. Are you still talking to them?
It is incredibly freezing ass cold outside. It must be in the teens and my ponds are frozen over. There is a breeze making it even worse, .. a wind chill factor going on, so I've decided I'm staying home tonight. I had to go outside a minute ago to let Bo run and pick up doggie landmines, and then feed him, and my cheeks were burning from the cold. That took away my desire to go anywhere. So I will create some fun for myself here, and make a few phone calls to friends. Jamie is staying over at a friend's house, so later I can get out my little friend. :)
LOL-- I can't say that J is a full ten inches long, he is not...his dick's girth is very impressive and yes, he is long..not much longer than mine but it is the whole entire size...girth and length combined that is impressive. It is by far the biggest male member I have ever had the pleasure of manipulating. I have the length...but not the girth. My width is average...probably above average if you consider my ethnicity ;) But, longer I am...but not as long as J who seems to have everything over me in the 'physical specimen' department. He is like my guy, Tristan in the dick dept. Speaking of J, who is Ryan Reynolds? Oh...I thought you ahd read J's twitter when the bored housewives were obsessed with it...I know you quoted from it...was I mistaken? Hmmmm...wonder if there is a way I could download his twitter page...if it still exists. He told me he no longer uses it.
Back to J's dick....I think I may have mentioned that bro has walked in on us when we are fucking or when we are in the process of ...or just completed a session....Well, one time he walked in...J and I wee both nude, in a compromising position and both aroused. J was very embarrassed. Bro quickly left. So, we thought ..well, he's an adult, he knew what was going on...let's just forget about it. However, a few nights later we were watching a DVD --can't recall the title of the film, but it was a Jane Campion (New Zealand director) film about a mail order bride. The actor who was starring as a mayori tribesman (can't recall his name either) is someone who plays a lot of tough guy, macho, Mafia roles. Well. it had him in full frontal nudity and he was fairly small...so J and I were commenting on how he plays such a macho guy but his dick is less than manly. Bro pipes up and says "yes, it certainly isn't anything like yours Jefferey"! LOL! J turned about 8 shades of red and I was laughing uncontrollably, hysterically for the next hour!
My God. I just heard from Tony that lives in Hoboken, New Jersey. You may remember me telling you about him. He is the one guy I am the most crazy about on that date site, and he is so good looking and handsome. The news of what he has been going through just blows me away and is so devastating. This is his message to me:
goldengiant
view all msgs: received from | sent to 12/31/2010 9:42:12 AM
Subject:RE: Hello
Message:MMMM......hope you had good holidays and very happy new year......well for the songs I did put a new one on top listen and let me know what you think of it.....well I have 2 daughters 18-19 both in college one lives home the other on her own.....I been single for 11 years and have no other family other than my daughters......mom n dad and siblings are gone......I work for amtrak as an engineer running and repairing locomotives been doing that for 27 years.....set to retire in a few years.....I have never been to new mexico but I do like traveling.......I went for a bone marrow test and found out I have leukima......Been going thru chemo for sometime now.....however it is in remission and have a good chance to curing it......So at the moment I have all the time to do things I like.....Life is funny changes when you least expect it.....would very much like visiting there just to see the sights.....of course yourself too.....body going thru changes as well.....Well hope to hear from you soon and have a happy new year.....Love Tony.....
He seems like a really nice guy and I feel so bad for him. Did you ever find me on that date site? Are you putting up a profile? Maybe I can finally see what you look like if you do. I would like to get a picture up of myself but I need to buy myself a digital camera and it just isn't a priority at the moment. I wish you could see what Tony looks like. I've seen pictures of many guys, but the minute I saw his, I was captivated, and that is rare for me. It isn't just his good looks, there is a vibe and a feeling I get off of him that just penetrates me and I get the warmest feeling from that. Do you know much about leukemia and what the cure rate is for the victims? I sure hope he stays in remission. He has great taste in music, and the new song he is talking about that he added to his playlist is ' Unchained Melody ' by The Righteous Brothers.
Hi honey, .. I knew which part of J's anatomy you were talking about. LOL You had mentioned many months back how well endowed he is. My Kevin was the same way, and I remember my mouth dropped open when I saw how long he was! Hung like a horse! He easily had to be around 10 inches and he was only 5'10", very lean and muscular with a very firm and rounded derriere that looked great in jeans, and his weight was around 165lbs. He was broad shouldered with a very lean waist. I have a picture of his backside and he was just so incredibly masculine and handsome, even rugged looking, with always a nice tan, beautiful blondish brownish hair, and fabulous Richard Gere looking brown eyes. I could always feel him knocking on heaven's door inside me. :) Absolutely by far the best lover I ever had, and I miss him terribly.
I would certainly think there has to be much speculation with his employees as to his sexual orientation. I guess he knows what is in the best interest of his company and clients, but it sounds like he is ready to come out. It is very very hard to hide the look of love in one's eyes, and if people watch him looking at you the way he does, they're going to know with no words even needing to be said. Right? Actually babe, I have never seen the pictures on his twitter as I never knew his last name to Google and find his twitter or facebook, that is if he is on facebook. Did he finally give up his twitter for good? I hope so, otherwise you know who is still glued and spying on him and you. I know he looks like Patrick Wilson or Ryan Reynolds from what you mentioned, and the gossip gang mentioned, so I have an idea. I think those two actors are very nice looking, but I am very attracted to good looking Asian men just like J is, and would pick John Cho over those two. That is the truth, therefore, I know the spark and fire in my eyes would ignite when I lay my eyes on you. That is just the way it is and I know it.
Did you finally convince Daniel to go to the party with you? I wouldn't be surprised if at the last minute he won't go. I kind of suspect he knows how to manipulate you two! LOL Well, it sounds wise of you then to wait till Sunday to depart, and J and Daniel will be most happy about that. J will be giving you good lovin' all the way up to departure time in hopes you have no man juice or drive left to give to Ana. LOL
s/b good "dude".
I was planning to leave for London tomorrow...but with the continued flight back log. (and 3-5 hour waits at the airport on the busy holiday...)..I think I am leaving Sunday morn instead.
Well, he is angry at me now as for the past 5 days...I have been OCD-ing on the internet seemingly non-stop....for several hours per day! LOL! Dude will get over it. I didn't mean to imply that J has a fat (wide) ass...he does not...he has a nice, firm ass, albeit a bit too hairy for my taste! What I meant to convey that was "larger" and "wider" was the other thing hanging there in the front. Ha ha..I am really telling you waaaaaaay too much.
As far as kissing J at midnight in front of other people...I have no qualms about doing this...none at all. We kiss a lot now...not like a few months back when I was avoiding his lips and his embrace. I am not an overly affection person in public anyway (Is ave all of my affection for the bedroom)...but if it is a midnight smooch...or the occasion calls for it...I am not embarrassed to kiss a dude out in the open. NYC is a pretty accepting environment. J has had female 'friends' go to social functions with him at work....very beautiful women...just so he did not have to attend alone. He tells me that he feels most of the people at his work assume he dates a lot of different women and chooses not to be tied down. I am not so sure. I have to assume there is at least some speculation that he is gay or bi. As you know (you saw his twitter photos) he is very good looking and has a nice, tall, physique, plenty of cash, heads a large company....he would be married to 'the perfect woman' by now...or at least certainly exclusively dating her! Well, he tells me that he will kiss me on the lips at midnight and he does not care what rumors get started and what his employees think. As I wrote, this is major progress for him! He just sold off a large chunk of shares as well so no longer are there big concerns what this type of publicity can do to damage his image. His company is very image conscious and having a hunky CEO helps greatly...but when said CEO is openly gay...while not a bad thing...it does mean readjusting and re-identifying your brand, your client base. I hope you understand what I'm saying. It doesn't bother me at all that he is closeted at work...doesn't offend me in the least...not my business. But I know it would offend a lot of other dudes if they were in my position. I think if he thought I would remain with him forever, he would not care at all and display me, our relationship, proudly. I think he gave himself away, a bit, on Thursday when he asked me to come into work with him to track some of his computer stuff and clean up one of his systems. He introduced me as "This is Micheal"...not "a friend helping me out with our computer system" or "my friend visiting from London"...he introduced me by my first name only which implies in and of itself, a relationship of sorts. And I could tell more than a few people were confused and curious. He also touched me more than a male would touch another male...placing his arm on my shoulder and across my back when escorting me to his office or to the conference room. I feel it was fairly obvious. I also noticed he has a bunch of young, good looking dudes working for him...LOL! I am sure THAT was intentional!
I decided I will call Ana around midnight London time and wish her a Happy New Year. J thinks I should stop asking her about her period as there is really no much I can do about it here and it might make her feel anxious. Nice of him to be concerned with her...and it was very sincere. Yes, he is a good due.
Good Morning Hot Stuff! LOL You make me laugh and turn me on at the same time! I love all the sexy talk. Maybe this party would be the perfect opportunity for J to come out. At least he doesn't have to worry about being fired! LOL His willingness to kiss you in front of everyone means he feels proud to be with you, loves you of course, and it would be wonderful for him to finally feel free to be himself in front of the world. I think he is so head over heals for you that he will indeed kiss you! I wish I could watch. :)
I am thinking that I may decide to go have a nice dinner out somewhere, and then decide after that if I feel like doing more. I would normally take my friend Vanessa with me, but she was in a horrific traffic accident about a month ago, where all her ribs on her right side were broken, and her lung was punctured in two places, so she is at home healing. I haven't stepped foot in a club in years, and I don't know if I can really get myself to go into one of those places, especially by myself. I wish I knew some gay people I could just go party with and have a good time. I don't have a single gay friend, and my other friends have no idea that I'm bi. Sooooo, I'll probably just decide to come home after dinner and get comfy to watch the Times Square ball drop.
Have you talked to Ana yet? Just wondering and hoping there is some good news. Are you leaving in the morning or evening tomorrow to head back to London?