Would you turn Richard's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.

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1 Comment

  • John V - 11 years ago

    IMO you need more, shorter sentences - lose some of the commas. I'm not sure if I like the story or not. William's reactions to the events seem false. In a bookstore I'd at least know the genre, which would help to understand whether the reactions are unrealistic or intriguing. Maybe genre should be noted before first pages, as genre is generally known.

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