Would you turn Susan's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.

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Posted 10 years.

1 Comment

  • mschannon - 10 years ago

    I love books about life in Asia, but this one needs a better hook. Think of opening of "The Secret Fan." Where's the tension, the struggle, challenge...that'll get me engaged immediately.

    First paragraph too dense: proverb, father-in-law, first visit, fiance, first visit, China, festival, married--all in 2 sentences. & why struggle to translate something already translated?

    "...even though we would never live there." Too abrupt & buried in paragraph. If important, then it needs to be explained. If not important, delete it.

    A little wordy & comma happy. Needs a good edit.

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