I love books about life in Asia, but this one needs a better hook. Think of opening of "The Secret Fan." Where's the tension, the struggle, challenge...that'll get me engaged immediately.
First paragraph too dense: proverb, father-in-law, first visit, fiance, first visit, China, festival, married--all in 2 sentences. & why struggle to translate something already translated?
"...even though we would never live there." Too abrupt & buried in paragraph. If important, then it needs to be explained. If not important, delete it.
I love books about life in Asia, but this one needs a better hook. Think of opening of "The Secret Fan." Where's the tension, the struggle, challenge...that'll get me engaged immediately.
First paragraph too dense: proverb, father-in-law, first visit, fiance, first visit, China, festival, married--all in 2 sentences. & why struggle to translate something already translated?
"...even though we would never live there." Too abrupt & buried in paragraph. If important, then it needs to be explained. If not important, delete it.
A little wordy & comma happy. Needs a good edit.