Would you look at the first page?
8 Comments

  • gather - 12 years ago

    Yes to all. The cover is interesting because taking the enemies POV is unusual, and I like unusual. The back cover holds my interest for the same reason, and the issue of patriotism and the decline of democracy is timely and powerful.

  • Norm - 12 years ago

    Hi Ray,

    I may be a little late with my comment but better...

    I said no because of what seemed to me too many ambiguities. For example, "Jake is a killer now..." for who does Jake work? Maybe, "Now, Jake kills for the highest bidder." "Death is on the hunt..." felt cliched.

    Anyway, it is a good start. I'm reminded by the last lines of your teaser, "...disguised as righteousness" of Upton Sinclair's quote (paraphrased by me), "When fascism comes to America it will come wrapped in a Bible and a flag."

    Best of luck. I hope our comments have helped and not muddied things up.

  • J.C. Towler - 12 years ago

    The opening is a problem for me. "Not for everyone?" Okay, maybe it is really violent or philosophical, but who wants to be lumped in with the great unwashed masses, so lets see if I'm "everyone." .. ... .... "About everyone--people who work hard to create good lives for themselves and their families. About you." I'm scratching my head a little, wondering if the unemployed or single people are not meant to read this book. They tend to have more time on their hands...why not try to get them interested as well? Head scratcher .. ... .... "It's about Jake, an ex Secret Service agent whose emotions died then he lost his wife and child." Ummm...isn't that backwards? Don't the wife and kid die and THEN the emotions go out the window. Okay, a little unconventional and I'm less certain that I can avoid being lumped in with the great unwashed masses at this point. .. ... .... "It's about Jake, an ex Secret Service agent whose emotions died then he lost his wife and child. Jake is a killer now, but the fates of many good people come to rest in his hands, on whether he can love again. And Jewel, a single mother in the projects of Chicago, struggling against drugs and violence—and losing. She can change her life, but only if she opens to trusting. She will put Jake in a hellhole prison where the violent are sent to die." Whoa nelly, I'm not so sure about this now. She's got to be open and trusting with a guy who has got to find love and she sends his butt to prison? I'm not tracking. .. ... .... "The Alliance threatens the president's re-election, and Jake is hired to crush it. Patriots rally to stop the Alliance from taking away basic freedoms—and other patriots unite behind the hope it offers for a better life." This might have been better placed more toward the beginning. Here we have a bad entity; an evil group that apparently walks in sheep's clothing. I like my bad guys painted with a shade of grey. This interests me. .. ... .... "Death is on the hunt in We the Enemy, disguised as righteousness. But which are the enemies? Which are the victims? We the Enemy is compelling suspense, but there’s more to this story. This thriller has a mission." Eh, if you've got to tell me it is compelling suspense, I'm less likely to belive you than if you give me a good thumbnail sketch of what to expect and let me make up my own mind. And "Death" could be Jake, the Alliance or drug dealers in Jewel's neighborhood at this point. Perhaps all of the above. .. ... .... "It will challenge the way you think about guns. About justice. About prison. About the Fifth Amendment. Beyond that, it will affirm your personal power to make life better." And here is where the book goes back on the shelf, perhaps with comforting little pat. There's a lot of the "you" finger pointing in this blurb and I find it mildly annoying, but when the blurb becomes clairvoyant that's when I've had enough. What do you know about how I think about any of the things listed? And if I want to affirm my personal power, I'll read "O" or watch Tony Robbins or listen to Stephen Covey. (Not really, just f'irinstancing). .. ... ... Sorry, Ray. Gotta give the blurb a thumbs down.

    --John

  • Eden - 12 years ago

    I wouldn't pick it up in the first place as I'm more in a fantasy or angst stage of reading at the moment. I only tend to read books such as these if they're passed on to me from family members.
    That said, if I did pick it up, say for a present of some sort, I'd read the first page based on the back copy. It's good enough to not make me put it back down.
    And I always, always want to know the style of writing and the flow of the book. Sometimes the back doesn't vibe well with the actual story. I've seen this many times.
    About the blurb--I feel it gives too much information. I'm one who tries not to read too much about a book. No reviews or anything of the like.
    Leaving out some of the information might add to the suspense. I think it would also help to show more of a connection between Jake and Jewel.
    Pick a few key points and stick with those. This, to me, felt too broad (as in telling the reader about all the stuff they're about to read). Mystery is good in any type of blurb.
    But it's definitely on the right track. Blurbs are tough, no? :)

  • LisaP - 12 years ago

    I like the red, white and blue on the cover, but I probably wouldn't have picked the book up, maybe because of the gun, although it has thriller written all over it.

    I like the first line on the back. Reminded me of the Series of Unfortunate Events books. I don't think the reference to Jake finding love again is wimpy, but is it really his ability to love again that will seal the fate of so many others, or is it more his ability to trust? Also, in the third paragraph, should it be "when he lost his wife" instead of "then he lost his wife"? I have to agree with everyone else on the mission statement. If it actually does all these things, great, but I want to discover that myself.

  • phyllis - 12 years ago

    I agree with the first commenter. I didn't get the plot. Start with Jack and why he has to crush the Alliance. What's at stake if he doesn't do it? How does it get him in trouble if he does? What does Jewel have to do with it? It sounds to me as if the two end up in love, but it also sounds like a subplot. And please leave out the mission of the book. I don't read novels that advertise their mission. Also, I find it presumptuous to assume the book will change my mind. Theoretically, I could start out with the same opinion you are advocating. Focus on the book, the main character, the main conflict. If the book will change my mind, cool. If the book is not an ordinary thriller, more so. But show me, don't tell.

  • Carol-Anne - 12 years ago

    If I had actually picked up the book and read the back cover, the story might have intrigued me a bit more than I would have anticipated based on the cover. However...second and third paragraphs are awkward and I don't like the phrase "open to trusting." The connection between Jake and Jewel isn't obvious to me and I don't really understand why death is on the hunt. Doesn't seem to fit with the description so far. Also, don't like the "feel good" message in the last line. I'm not sure people read thrillers as life affirmations. We'll leave that to Jack Handy.

  • John V - 12 years ago

    Yes on cover/title, no on back cover copy. 1) First sentence was bad - I LIKE ordinary thrillers. That's what I want to take to the beach. Aren't genre novels supposed to be "same but different"? 2) A killer who needs to learn how to love again? Might work in the story, but don't advertise it. Sounds wimpy - total discord with the gun barrel on the cover. Choose a selling theme and stick with it. 3) Jewel needs to open to trusting? Uh, wasn't this supposed to be a thriller of some sort? 4) I like to know very quickly who the enemies and victims are. I don't want to waste my emotions rooting for someone who turns out to be the bad guy. That's why we stopped watching Heroes. 5) Challenging the way I think about things is fine, but don't tell me you're going to do that. First, you don't know how I think about those things. Maybe I already agree with you and won't be challenged at all. Second, I'm fine with my current views, and don't want to pay for a book that might end up pissing me off. 6) This thriller's going to affirm my personal power blah blah blah... You're throwing everything but the kitchen sink onto the back cover. Again, choose a marketing theme and stick to it. Also, you're telling me on the back cover how I'm supposed to think and feel when reading this book. Just tell me about the book. I'll decide how to feel about it.

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