The writing was crisp, and there was a sense of anticipation. We're moments from dramatic action. I would have turned the page.
I agree with Ray's edits and would add that I didn't understand the inclusion of the osprey. It wasn't vital to the story and broke the sense of anticipation in a "Now for something totally different" sort of way. It distracted from the tension.
I hope this helps.
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The writing was crisp, and there was a sense of anticipation. We're moments from dramatic action. I would have turned the page.
I agree with Ray's edits and would add that I didn't understand the inclusion of the osprey. It wasn't vital to the story and broke the sense of anticipation in a "Now for something totally different" sort of way. It distracted from the tension.
I hope this helps.