First of all I'm Italian and not yet very comfortable with the use of English language,
Thus I apologize if what I’m about to write occasionally, won’t be clear and understandable.
I was at the event last night as well.
I read the blog and think that there's some confusion between different problems.
In particular the uneasiness towards the single status, shouldn’t be confused with the disappointment of not being chosen, as Cinderella, by a hypothetical “prince charming”.
In the second case it seems evident that the price attributed to such choice is definitely too high, since it basically involves self validation.
What “J” writes sounds a bit as Alice with the hearts jack :
“you only exist as long as he (or she) thinks and dreams about you”.
What make some of us uncomfortable with the idea of not being chosen, is often the difficulty in valuing themselves regardless and without the acknowledgement of a prince charming. I’m talking about people choosing to be in a relationship just because they are unable of being alone.
They are usually not comfortable with their own self image and look for someone transforming such image in something acceptable.
This is really going to end in rotten relationship, a real failure waiting to happen.
With such premise in fact the relationship may work only as long as the “other” succeeds in compensating such lack of self-esteem.
The problem is that we bargain our self-validation (which work) with a borrowed validation (which never works).
The paradox is that such borrowed validation, when it occurs, is exactly what makes us feeling alone and successively loose interest in the relationship.
The point of a relationship is being “two”. Therefore I cannot stay with a person who tells me exactly and only what I’m asking him to (that I’m beautiful , young and attractive) otherwise I’m not feeling to be in a couple, I’m feeling to be alone.
I don’t ask to my soul mate to support myself, I only ask her to love me, which is a completely different cocept.
I don’t think that a problem with the self image (feeling yourself ugly, inactractive and old) is a good starting point for a healthy relationship.
Why “J” should be so influenced by the very fact of not being chosen?
Why should her feel old and unactractive?
I don’t know “J”, but I’m sure that she’s much better than she felt to be last night.