I would turn the page, with or without the suggested changes. The intro was engaging and left so many questions that I *need* to have answered. Why did Timothy's wife thank him? Why was the narrator's wife happy?
Through hints, I learned there was a long-standing drama, the narrator is at best making it by and at worst impoverished, and the main cast has a large gray swath around their morality.
Definitely, it could use a judicious amount of editing. The writing varies from extremely strong to limping and back again within a few words. "I sat there for three weeks and I witnessed it; they surely heard the entire truth." they sure... breaks up the flow. The quick switch from a slangish tone to a more refined one is confusing, and, unfortunately, happens several times.
I would turn the page, with or without the suggested changes. The intro was engaging and left so many questions that I *need* to have answered. Why did Timothy's wife thank him? Why was the narrator's wife happy?
Through hints, I learned there was a long-standing drama, the narrator is at best making it by and at worst impoverished, and the main cast has a large gray swath around their morality.
Definitely, it could use a judicious amount of editing. The writing varies from extremely strong to limping and back again within a few words. "I sat there for three weeks and I witnessed it; they surely heard the entire truth." they sure... breaks up the flow. The quick switch from a slangish tone to a more refined one is confusing, and, unfortunately, happens several times.