I let my kids (12 and 13) decide what they want to say after, of course, discussing the possible situations of this coming up and suggesting different ways they could answer. They know not to give identifying information to strangers, but I see no problem with otherwise offering basic friendly information. I personally answer positively and with a smile whenever I can concerning adoption because I want my girls to see that adoption is a VERY positive thing for me and don't even get me started or I'll talk your ear off! They have a very relaxed and positive attitude about being adopted and discussing it openly, and I hope this continues!
Chandra Ward - 14 years ago
Both of my girls have been pretty private and do not discuss their adoption situation with other people. They do have several other Chinese adopted girls in their schools though. They usually say "that IS my real mom". As they've gotten older if someone pushes the subject they list family like ..yeah, I have a mom, a dad, step mom, 4 sisters 3 brothers 7 nieces and nephews, grandparents. Usually the person/kid just laughs and goes away. My teenager now includes some of her friends who are also Asian as being her "real" sisters in that list. I let my children lead how we handle things.
M - 14 years ago
I think the appropriate answer would vary with the situation and how my child would feel at that time about answering. I would think that most children who ask would be displaying genuine curiosity due to ignorance about adoption. If my child felt like educating her friend, go for it. If uncomfortable, take a pass.
Jan - 14 years ago
Unless it is a close friend, the answer is "That's personal." End of conversation.
In the case of a true, close friend, the answer is "My mom at home is my real mom who takes care of me. I also have a birthmother in China, but she couldn't take care of me so I was adopted." That of course leads to more questions, but I've taught my daughter only to answer questions that she is comfortable with. The WISE-UP Powerbook is a great resource for this.
I let my kids (12 and 13) decide what they want to say after, of course, discussing the possible situations of this coming up and suggesting different ways they could answer. They know not to give identifying information to strangers, but I see no problem with otherwise offering basic friendly information. I personally answer positively and with a smile whenever I can concerning adoption because I want my girls to see that adoption is a VERY positive thing for me and don't even get me started or I'll talk your ear off! They have a very relaxed and positive attitude about being adopted and discussing it openly, and I hope this continues!
Both of my girls have been pretty private and do not discuss their adoption situation with other people. They do have several other Chinese adopted girls in their schools though. They usually say "that IS my real mom". As they've gotten older if someone pushes the subject they list family like ..yeah, I have a mom, a dad, step mom, 4 sisters 3 brothers 7 nieces and nephews, grandparents. Usually the person/kid just laughs and goes away. My teenager now includes some of her friends who are also Asian as being her "real" sisters in that list. I let my children lead how we handle things.
I think the appropriate answer would vary with the situation and how my child would feel at that time about answering. I would think that most children who ask would be displaying genuine curiosity due to ignorance about adoption. If my child felt like educating her friend, go for it. If uncomfortable, take a pass.
Unless it is a close friend, the answer is "That's personal." End of conversation.
In the case of a true, close friend, the answer is "My mom at home is my real mom who takes care of me. I also have a birthmother in China, but she couldn't take care of me so I was adopted." That of course leads to more questions, but I've taught my daughter only to answer questions that she is comfortable with. The WISE-UP Powerbook is a great resource for this.