Explain that the irate nub poking out from his pubes should technically be considered a clit.

Use his email address to create profiles on gay dating sites under the name "Gilbert the Frottaging Felcher" to help him get that blow job he wants.

Take the high road and ignore him.

Write him an elaborate slash-fic scenerio where he gets his wish.

State that as that internet groupie cock sucking ettiquette demands that he suck my cock first, and if he does a good job, he may earn himself a reach around. I maan, I'm the sort of famous one here.

Thank him for his offer but decline because Skippy is straight. But be sure to point out that Skippy has always supported homosexuals in uniform such as Onto 184.

Point out that Skippy was never a Marine, and thus unlikely to want to suck a cock.

Other: