@Mike: The general thought is if someone is presenting as a woman/feminine, then use female/feminine pronouns. Conversely, if someone is presenting as a man/masculine, then use male/masculine pronouns.
The problem I have with some people who can't deal with Transfolk are their insistence on focusing on genitalia. Last I checked, no one can see anyone's genitalia without permission, so why focus on it?
I look at the overall presentation of the person, and if I'm unclear, I avoid using *any* pronouns until that person uses them first. In short, I take my cues from them.
Your comments about PDA are spot on. I totally agree. I don't mind a quick peck on the cheek or holding hands/hugging, but if you are beginning your lovemaking in public, get a room. I apply that to straight as well as gay/lesbian people. Seriously. If I want to see people having sex, I'll watch pornography. That's what the internet is for.
Thanks for commenting.
If I were to have a problem with anyone over this sort of thing, it would depend on thier behavior.
I think pretty much the whole thing is a private affair, and as such it would be inappropriate to flaunt thier orientation outside of settings where such things are expected. If you are in a singles bar looking to hook up, that information is vital...if you are in the restaurant across the street, no one needs to know or should care.
Bear in mind I feel this way regardless of that orientation. I no more want to see a straight couple with googly eyes draped all over eachother in the theater than I do a gay couple. Transgendered would give me more of a problem---but only until I got the pronouns straight. That would be a problem with me however, not them...I don't have much experiance dealing with them, so I'd be uncomfortable until I understood how I was expected to act.
Skatha said: "Transgendered people make me more uncomfortable probably because when I used to chat in Yahoo chatrooms, there were plenty of guys in there that would just push themselves at me. In their minds, I should've been eager to be with them just because they were no longer men."
If they are "no longer men" how then could they be "guys?"
Also, and forgive me, but, it seems as if you are judging the whole of the trans community on the actions of a few people. Would you really turn away or 'have a problem with' a friend or relative who's trans based on the actions of strangers? Strangers that your friend/family member has never met and has no connection with?
Two of your offered answers are essentially the same in regards to how I feel. I would probably have a bigger problem with a friend or family member who is transgendered than lesbian, gay or bisexical (sorry but I have Shirley Q. Liquor on the brain this morning and that's how she says that word). Transgendered people make me more uncomfortable probably because when I used to chat in Yahoo chatrooms, there were plenty of guys in there that would just push themselves at me. In their minds, I should've been eager to be with them just because they were no longer men. It didn't matter that I was already interested in someone else or just not wanting a relationship.
But it's easier for me to accept a friend/family member as being gay/lesbian because that's what I am.
we have discussed some of this before, where I honestly don't care how a person defines themselves.
It just does not concern me unless they decide to make it my business.
I think people make too much of a deal about this sort of thing regardless of if it is themselves or another under discussion.
It is about as important to me than I'd someone suddenly revealed that they were vegetarian. Shocking, shocking news to be sure.