Would you turn Ray's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.
1 Comment

  • Tom G. - 9 years ago

    Sorting out the characters diverted my attention. "Young woman", the first character introduced, is never identified. Is "the child" Jake? No, after Jake awakens we learn she is Amy, with whom Jake has an unspecified relationship. Jake himself starts as a dream character--in his own dream he wouldn't think of himself as "Jake", would he?--then becomes our protagonist. The dream, while muddled to Jake, shouldn't confuse us readers. What we have is character introductions and setting the stage, but the action is almost entirely in Jake's head. Story questions have to do with the meaning of Jake's dream, his relationship to and history with Amy, the identity of the young woman in the dream, and the significance of his planned meeting with the Attorney General. Interesting, but not yet compelling.

    What if Jake, hungover, falls asleep and dreams in the taxi that is delivering him to his meeting with the Attorney General?

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