Best self-deprecating comment
I once was attacked by a squirrel.
I suppose I could stand to lose a little weight (or a lot if you are my doctor)
Oh good Lord, where to start...Accidentally proposed to my wife via email.
I'm a Browns fan, that should be good 'nuff.
Sometimes I really need a Depeche Mode fix.
I have a urinating in public ticket (he's right there with you, Niles Paul)
Sadly, these guys actually dress better than I do.
My hair is falling out like it is on fire.
I once saw Flock of Seagulls.
I have abnormally large areola for a male
I destroy burritos.
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