Would you turn the chapter's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.

1 Comment

  • mike lance - 12 years ago

    I agree with Ray's comment about deleting the last paragraph of the prologue but for different reasons. I don't like the urge to wriggle with delight. The prologue leads me to believe that the high priest is an evil bad guy and then he exhibits the characteristics of a puppy. Further, the paragraph doesn't seem to add anything ... greatest achievement, Control, yada.

    The page with Arine and the shadow messenger, however, captures my interest. Mundane occurrences laced with portents (black sky, nightmarishly long) leading up to the introduction of the supernatural is tightly written. Her greeting of the shadow messenger in a "Oh, you again" way is very snappy.

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