What kind of parent are you?
"What the fuck? Did you just sneeze in the same grocery store as my kid? Do I have to staple your damn nose shut so you don't get your nasty germs near my precious baby?"
"She ate the grape? It's only been on the floor for an hour. She'll be fine."
"After soccer, he goes to karate, then violin, then book club, followed by seven hours of homework, then a gluten-free, organic, vegan dinner. Before bed, he reads in Chinese for an hour."
"Son, stop hitting your sister with Daddy's nine iron! She did what? Well, then, she deserves it."
"You don't need to call the babysitter; I'll just put on Spongebob Squarepants and she'll be fine for a few hours."
"Only free-trade clothing for our little man. He opposes the working conditions in third-world countries."
"We co-slept until she was nine. This year marks the tenth anniversary of the last time my husband and I had sex."
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