Would you turn Lisette's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.

1 Comment

  • J L Gentry - 11 years ago

    The write is interesting however I would not read it because you need to do a whole lot of editing.
    scratch 'So I had decided' change to 'I decided' much smoother less wordy, go through the whole write and remove as many of the "I had" s as possible. Also look at present and past tense pick one a stick with it ( I will say you did stay pretty much in the present tense except for a few little minor nits.) Your storyline did not hook me in but I think you may have a good plot you just did not grab me.
    Best regards
    JLG

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