While still shy of the mark, I must say that this draft is better than the last. Isn't that what writing is all about? I applaud the writer for subjecting the piece to another round and for steady improvement. Additionally, I would add that if Frankie didn't know the story was about the suitcase he knows it now. It could probably be condensed down a bit more by mentioning the suitcase's ominous presence as he is having the dialogue and cutting to the question of the hour a bit quicker. Namely, what the hell is in the bloody case? Definite 'E' for effort and may the third time be the charm.
While still shy of the mark, I must say that this draft is better than the last. Isn't that what writing is all about? I applaud the writer for subjecting the piece to another round and for steady improvement. Additionally, I would add that if Frankie didn't know the story was about the suitcase he knows it now. It could probably be condensed down a bit more by mentioning the suitcase's ominous presence as he is having the dialogue and cutting to the question of the hour a bit quicker. Namely, what the hell is in the bloody case? Definite 'E' for effort and may the third time be the charm.