I like the suspenseful feel of Andre's opening, but the heavy details get in the way of being able to easily fall into the story. If the majority of adjectives/adverbs are deleted, I'd say it's a good opening and I would read on, but as-is, I had to vote 'No'.
I like the suspenseful feel of Andre's opening, but the heavy details get in the way of being able to easily fall into the story. If the majority of adjectives/adverbs are deleted, I'd say it's a good opening and I would read on, but as-is, I had to vote 'No'.