Would you turn Johan's first page?

  • Etully - 9 years ago

    I agree with Alex, I loved the opening lines and then was very confused with the 'wall of light' turning into an ocean, then lake, etc. . . I find unusually graphic descriptions of things like vomit a turn off. (But, hey, that's just me.) It took me a while to get where you were going with the hangover, but I would have kept reading to see what happened next.

    This reminded me of the opening to William Gibson's Neuromancer. I couldn't understand that either, but I did try.

  • Johan - 9 years ago

    You are the only one so far who liked the angel sequence :-)
    It seems I've been a bit too successful in my attempt to portray the confusion of the protagonist when he wakes up from his terribly bad hangover. I'll see what I can do about that.

    Thanks for the feedback!

  • Alex - 9 years ago

    Johan's story opening pulled me in. I liked the 'angel prologue'. But the dichotomy between the voice of the angel section, and the MC waking on the ground in his own vomit threw me off. I am not a fan of stories that read sort of dreamy/confused, and that is the perception I have of this story from its opening, which caused me to vote 'No'.

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