Was The Transsexual Woman Obligated To Tell That Guy She Used To Be A Man Before Being Intimate?

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Poll posted 6 years ago.

4 Comments

  • Princeleron - 6 years ago

    Rhonda don't owe that guy shit. He was being dishonest throughout the whole exchange. If she would have told him herself, he still would have freaked out. The sister telling him just gave him an easy out. "It not that she used to be a man, its the fact that she lied to me." Get the fuck out of here. I just curious to when deception stopped being part of the game. Why is it that this is where the line has to be drawn? I admit that I did sympathize with him during the first part of the letter. I changed when I realized that he still has not let this shit go. She lied to him but they didn't have sex. Why the hell is he still so mad? Lastly, fuck the sister, that conniving-ass bitch. She's the worst.

  • Marco - 6 years ago

    I will say this - I knew my answer definitively at the start of the conversation, but then Rod had to be all logical and reasonable.

    The main issue is when Rod pointed out that sexual encounters are not always between soulmates. There is a lot of "she owes him that" sentiment, but does she? In this case, it was 3 months and they hadn't done it, so maybe this was supposed to be a relationship milestone, but if the guy was able to so easily hook up with her sister, that ain't the case.

    What I will say is that EVENTUALLY she needs to say something; once it gets to the point where feelings are involved. The issue is that, at that point, the news could be damaging. The only other thing I could think of similar is waiting to say one is dying; he doesn't have to know for a one-night stand, but when he's "all in", now what?

    Keep up the good work, you two. That's why I listen!

  • Juwan - 6 years ago

    Rod, I agree with Karen on this one. Personally I feel that Rhonda should have told her partner about her transition prior to any sexual activity between them. I also agree that the sister was wrong for injecting herself into the situation and if she had a concern she probably should at the very least have talked to Rhonda about it instead of the guy. Sex is and should be about choice, I think we have an obligation to reveal to our potential sexual partners any information that may affect our coupling with each other. Rod you asked does a person have to reveal if they had been sexually assaulted, I would say no in that scenario. A person who has been sexually assaulted had their choice and sexual agency taken from them, they were victimized and it takes time to resolve and heal from that trauma. When that person comes through that experience and put themselves in the vulnerable position to willingly give their body to another person then that choice is theirs, it may not affect their partner. However, the STD analogy came up as well and I hate to liken transgender to an STD but at the risk of being problematic I'll run with it and I apologize in advance. If a person actively has an STD then this is information that their partner should be made aware of before they have sexual contact so that the person they are engaging with can choose how and whether they want to proceed with the sexual relationship. Again it's about the right of choice and regardless of what type of relationship Rhonda wanted from her partner whether it be a casual fuck buddy or long term relationship she owed it to him and any other people that she will become involved with intimately in the future to let them know exactly what they are getting into so to speak prior to the clothes coming off. By not doing so takes away the choice from the other person. I also understand the underlying fear that transgender people have when revealing their identity to potential partners and it's unfortunate that these people have to live under the potential threat of violence by doing so. We definitely have a long way to go in educating and creating safe spaces for people to openly have those difficult conversations. However, by the tone of that guy's email he may have been understanding and had he not felt lied to they could have worked it out amicably. But anyway those are my thoughts. Love the show, keep up the great work.

  • Chuck Spears - 6 years ago

    I feel like I'd like to know what I'm getting into. I'm interested in women that were born female and I'd like to have the option to decide who I fall in love with or jus fool around with. Gender history is way different than sexual history. Who you used to be is way more important than who you used to be with, in my book.

    However, how real must the thirst have been for dude to get no play and not know one way or another what the situation was. Also, the sister would have found a way to steal dude even if there was no sex change, some people are just devious that way.

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