This is a marriage of long standing. I assume that by now the husband trusts his wife to love and respect him. That said, he should understand that she has long-standing ties to her mother and either can't or doesn't want to sever those ties, and given his relationship with his wife will simply have to trust her not to accept her mother's attitudes, or at least ignore them.
Eventually she will depart this life and take her attitudes with her. And he will not have further stress his marital relationship.
it's a shame when things like this happen. unfortunately, they happen all the time. the couples get married without the thought of what will happen in cases like this. they don't consider that they could make themselves and the rest of their families miserable. if they do marry and have these problems they will have made their beds and have to life with the consequenses. good luck to them. it is a hard road they will have to travel
My mother died at 64. All the years I missed because my husband refused to let me see her.
It's interesting how Ms. Nemzoff assumes that never -- not in decades of marriage to a Jew, in decades as a teenager or young adult or older adult raised in the US -- had this woman thought to *talk* with her mother, or try to reason, or try to set boundaries, or try to establish consequences for hateful speech. Does she think that she just sat there in silence, stewing impotently? (Or, for that matter, that is a coincidence that she married a Jew, in light of a childhood full of vitriol against Jews?) Good thing she wrote into an advice column! :)
I agree the mother's views are abhorrent and the husband shouldn't be reminded of her at all. But if the wife wants to keep in touch she should do so. My guess is that if the mother grew up in Nazi Germany she was born In the early 1930's and is at least in her early 80's. Perhaps her ideas are not subject to revision now due to aging, mild Alzheimers or other mental defects. I admire the husband and wife for having a good marriage. Also I hope this kind of hate doesn't poison another generation.