The Winner of the 2015 Nobel Prize for Literature will be...
Adonis
Haruki Murakami
Brian Williams
Dick Cheney, for his meta-critique of imperialism and modern conflict
Donald Trump's tweets
Kevin McCarthy's masterful, postmodern take on the absence of meaning in contemporary speech
Bei Dao
Anne Carson
Ursula K. LeGuin
Philip Roth
Bill O'Reilly to win for his work on such fictions as "Killing Jesus," his television show and everything he says. He will accept his award on behalf of Ronald Reagan, but keep the prize money.
The person who is secretly replacing Jeb! Bush's well thought out notes with the racist, insensitive gibberish he accidentally spouts.
Thomas Pynchon
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