The Winner of the 2015 Nobel Prize for Literature will be...
Thomas Pynchon
Anne Carson
Philip Roth
Adonis
Dick Cheney, for his meta-critique of imperialism and modern conflict
Ursula K. LeGuin
Kevin McCarthy's masterful, postmodern take on the absence of meaning in contemporary speech
Haruki Murakami
Bei Dao
Bill O'Reilly to win for his work on such fictions as "Killing Jesus," his television show and everything he says. He will accept his award on behalf of Ronald Reagan, but keep the prize money.
Donald Trump's tweets
Brian Williams
The person who is secretly replacing Jeb! Bush's well thought out notes with the racist, insensitive gibberish he accidentally spouts.
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