After deep self-reflection, I am:
STICKY TACK: My Life's Together!
AN iSOMETHING: I'm Reformed!
A CORDLESS DRILL: I Could be Worse!
CAULK: I Didn't Follow Directions!
A JUMBO MUFFIN PAN: I'm EXCESSIVE!
A SAW FOR TWO: I'm CLINGY!
A SNOWMOBILE: I'm Fun in Theory, but Mostly USELESS!
AN ASPHALT LAYER: I'm HOT $HIT!
A CRANE: I Inconvenience Everyone, but I'm Patriotic!
AN AIRCRAFT CARRIER: I'm Going to Change!
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