Would you turn Lloyd's first page? Be tough. Comments help the writer.
1 Comment

  • Craven - 11 years ago

    The writing was crisp, and there was a sense of anticipation. We're moments from dramatic action. I would have turned the page.

    I agree with Ray's edits and would add that I didn't understand the inclusion of the osprey. It wasn't vital to the story and broke the sense of anticipation in a "Now for something totally different" sort of way. It distracted from the tension.

    I hope this helps.

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