Hillary Clinton Will Stay in the Race Just in Case:
Barack Obama is assassinated
Barack Obama chokes on a wafer-thin mint
Barack Obama erupts into flame
Barack Obama gets bored and drops out
Barack Obama is caught sodomizing an infant badger
Barack Obama's Kundalini suddenly unwinds and he explodes, taking Portland with him
Barack Obama is revealed as a time-traveling lizard man from Omega VII
Barack Obama is filled with regret at his sexist attempt to deny Hillary the presidency
Barack Obama is suddenly engulfed in a wave of raspberry marshmallow creme
Barack Obama is finally revealed to be BLACK, whose BLACKY BLACK BLACKNESS will destroy us all
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