I found the second person a bit jarring at first because it is so rarely used but about half way into the second paragraph it clicked and I like it as long as the viewpoint is critical to the organic unfolding of the story. Additionally, I like the description and the voice.
My only qualm is that the exposition didn't draw me in; didn't make me curious enough about why the boss is always yelling. I think it would be something if a boss that always yells was especially uncharacteristic that day or possibly vice versa.
Otherwise, thank you for sharing your writing with me.
I found the second person a bit jarring at first because it is so rarely used but about half way into the second paragraph it clicked and I like it as long as the viewpoint is critical to the organic unfolding of the story. Additionally, I like the description and the voice.
My only qualm is that the exposition didn't draw me in; didn't make me curious enough about why the boss is always yelling. I think it would be something if a boss that always yells was especially uncharacteristic that day or possibly vice versa.
Otherwise, thank you for sharing your writing with me.
John Phoenix